I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can

I just finished reading the book "I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can" by Linda Feinberg. I thought it was a good book as it focuses on young widows and widowers and some of the unique challenges that they go through. It has many quotes from young widows and widowers and many of them hit home with me.

"I am not lonesome. I have family and friends. But I feel so alone and separate."

"Your basic trust in the world has evaporated. When people kiss you goodbye in the morning, you no longer assume that they will come home at night."

"If you do read the newspaper, you will be compelled to read the obituaries."

I never used to read the obituaries. After her father died Cindy used to read the obituaries a lot. I understand now. I feel compelled to read the obituaries when I see that page of the paper. I don't actually read them I just look at the ages. When there isn't anyone under 70 on any day I feel relieved that they all lived long an hopefully happy lives. When there are young people I feel so sad for their families.

There was also discussion about the "illusion of safety", that you always felt a sense of comfort in that whatever happened you could always go home at night and your wife would be there to take care of you.

Another interesting discussion was about the roles of the conscious and unconscious minds. That the unconscious mind remembers everything that you have experienced and that includes all those things your conscious mind has forgotten. The conscious mind realizes that my wife is gone, but the unconscious mind doesn't want to believe it. The unconscious mind creates a psychological defense mechanism of denial to protect itself.

The unconscious mind is part of what makes it difficult to control the grieving process. Even though I consciously adjust to the loss the unconscious mind isn't ready to forget all that has happened over the past 20 plus years and a big part of the grieving process is the unconscious mind catching up to the conscious mind.

"I resent being called a single parent. I feel like a double parent."

"The job of being a single parent is overwhelming. If you add to the recipe fresh grief and the fresh grief of children, a full-time job and some financial difficulties, you are constantly being put to the ultimate test of your ability to cope and your faith in the universe."

Here is one that I really need to start thinking about. "Every time I asked a young widowed woman with children how she is, she inevitably starts telling me how her children are. That is fine and wonderful if her children are okay, but it tells me nothing about how the woman is doing." It is hard though to think about myself especially after you read the previous comments about the overwhelming responsibility of being a single parent. My whole world seems to focus on the girls and how I can best take care of them. I can worry about myself some other time.

Widows and widowers should visit Widow Net .