feelings of loneliness

This is one of my posts from Widownet.

The feeling of being alone in a crowd of people. The feeling of disappearing or fading from view.

The forced realization that she's not here when I see other couples holding hands, or embracing. The longing to touch when I see couples with their arm around each other's back. Oh how I wish I could rest my hand on the shallow curve of the arch of her back (oops, I think I might be drifting off to that 'other' thread, sorry).

The empty feeling when you come home and there isn't anyone to share your thoughts and feelings. I think something happens to validate your feelings and emotions when they are expressed out loud to someone else. Instead they just roll around inside my head wanting to be expressed to someone who cares deeply about what I think and feel. I've tried telling the cats about my day and they are very attentive but they just don't take the place of my partner.

I hope that over time I can adjust to being one person instead of being part of a couple, and find ways to fill that huge void that is so big that sometimes it seems to be sucking my life away. I hope to adjust my feelings to a point where I can see couples and not have it trigger pain and longing, but some other more positive and enjoyable emotion.

It has been very hard for me to think about the future, and projecting my current feelings of loneliness on to the rest of my life only makes it harder to think beyond getting through today.

Just one man's thoughts.