He Was a Friend of Mine

My friend John passed away Friday Feburary 17, in Vancouver, Washington.

John Wise was the friend of my youth. From the time we were in the 6th grade pretty much through the end of High School, we were best friends. We shared so much together; we were both 'space nuts' and read tons of science fiction together. We were inseparable, and made kind of Mutt and Jeff picture around town: John overweight and me skinny. We did everything together: read the same books, stayed overnight at each other's houses, went on hikes, went to the movies, listened to Shelly Berman and William Shatner (yes), watch Star Trek, built models, and did all the various things adolescents do together.

John was the prototypical class clown, always good for a laugh, and I know that's how the community will remember him. He could do great impressions of people, and loved doing voices. He and I shared, of course, our own moments of humor, and I know today that if I were to quote certain phrases to him, we would both be, in the words of the old lady tending the soda fountain at Day's Drugstore, "giggling like schoolgirls." God, but we laughed a lot together. And he made the whole school laugh more than once.

Toward the end of high school, we grew apart quite a bit. Mostly because I was caught up in the politics and associated activities of the late 60s and early 70s, while he was very close to his Mormon faith and was very conservative. He thought, and said, that my soul was in peril. That, and the fact that we went separate ways geographically, led to a split between us that lasted a couple decades. Alas, we never got together physically, and I very much regret this now; I've been looking forward to it.

Half a dozen years ago, John and I made contact again, through email, and looking at my archives now I see over 275 messages from John since the fall of 2001. I know he was among the most faithful readers of my blog. Shortly after we hooked up again, I pointed him to a web interface for a database of book reviews I'd been writing for he past 20 years, and he dipped into it deeply. I commented at the time, that in a way, it was for him I'd been writing those reviews (and my blog, too) for all those years. The template for the way I write now, the discussions I have in my head, was set a long time ago.

It's pretty special that this happened. It seemed like when we started talking again, we picked up on the conversations we ha when we were in school, and that the years just fell away. The conversation was better, because we're older and smarter and more considerate now, and so it was more fun. We agree more than we did before, about politics if not religion. We also shared the same, largely self-inflicted, chronic disease. His battle with it was longer and rougher than mine (so far), but I hope I can learn the lesson of what it cost him as I go forward.

When we grieve, one of the things we grieve for is our own lost time. Somehow, maybe, with John still alive, there's that thought that I'm still that 7th grader prowling the streets and orchards and hills of home and the landscapes of our imaginations. With each death, our connections with our youth disappear, and those times become less and less real. It's one thing to have memories that you can share with someone, another thing to have memories and know that you're the only person who has them.

A lot of people are going to miss John. I know that he had a large, caring family. Not everyone gets close friendships when they're young, especially ones that last -- even with a hiatus -- for decades. This one was cut short now, and it breaks my heart. Since I didn't have an inkling that the end was coming this soon, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye; that happens often, and it's kind of a trite cliche to say that you should tell your loved ones now that you love them, because they could go at any moment. But it's true.

Dang, but he and I had some fun together when we were kids. I'll miss him, and miss the 275 emails I would have received over the next 5 years, and the adventures we could have had. But I'll still have those emails I did receive, and I'll still have his voice in my head.

He was a friend of mine
He was a friend of mine
Every time I think about him now
Lord I just can't keep from cryin'
'Cause he was a friend of mine
- Bob Dylan

© Copyright 2006 Steve Michel. Last update: 4/3/2006; 12:00:08 AM.