Monday

I am sick, sick, sick! What haunted Mommy and what Dad squeaked by switched sides over to me. I continue to go to school nevertheless. I have to in order to keep up. Otherwise I wouldn't drop behind quite damagingly.

I got a D on a Jap. Hist. and Lit. paper, 'cause I didn't answer the question. I hope I do better on the English. I think I will. I am doing fine in Spanish.

I had rush of feeling from TL. I'm sure it was me that felt or imagined I felt that. I suddenly felt very attracted to him. It's weird. I'd like to think something would come of it, but... HMM!

Am making my own adaptation of C's bead necklace; I like it although it's a bit crude. M said she'd bring me in some beads tomorrow so I can work some more on it. That would be neat. I could make a lot of these and sell them... ($) and I'd know a couple more efficient ways of doing things. I am making patterns in my brain already. Question is, when I'm not sick when will I have the free time? Answer ~ I won't. I didn't practice again today because of this cold. I can't stand it!! I've got to get to that instrument. I really want to practice. I found some Hista-C which I'll take tomorrow, I hope it does the trick. I now must think of getting some sleep since I am ill and fell GRUMBY AND CRUMPY! all stobbed up.

NOTICED... entries seem to be getting shorter and shorter. I will not let this notebook die!!!

Tuesday

I just noticed that I gave the same date for both Saturday and Sunday, a brilliant move. I am still sick, but I did practice and it made all the difference in the world to my morale! I no longer have that "something's missing" feeling. In school I sw Au bout de souffle or Breathless, I think it's Truffaut's first film. I must say I loved it, particularly Jean-Paul Belmondo. He isn't exactly handsome, his face is more one of a sensual boxer, mais quelle physique! Smooth muscles, yummy. Hmm! The film has alot of really interesting things in it about relationships between people that I found quite plausible, outside of the absurd situation of the film. The acting was really very good. The reference to Humphrey Bogart seemed a bit obscure, yet it also seemed as if Michel was trying to play the same role of "tough guy with golden guts."

Do you know that I searched everywhere in about a six block radius from school and could not find one place that sold beads! Amazing. Also it may have become obvious that I have stopped using the word "Today" in my entries because it is trite, and goes without saying. I think I'm forced to start my entries more interestingly that way. Perhaps, and perhaps not. Somehow I find it hard to talk to H about the "bad" things in people. Like a sordid little thing with O and W (kind of funny, actually funnier than sordid, but...). However we have now two very interested persons in our class, S and H, and one cannot whisper to someone without both of them jumping on you with "What?"s and "Where?"s and "Who?"s. Perhaps it's all for the better, I shouldn't whisper anyway.

Started the bead thing yesterday, I guess I already mentioned it. Me forgot the beads, as I expected. She said she'd bring them in tomorrow. HMM. I think I believe her this time. I really have psyched myself into the mood for that. I hope they're nice ones.

I amn't getting any trimmer, but I will in the winter when I start swimming, I hope. We shall see. I think I feel a bit lighter. It is very late. I don't want to get onto a scale and find out the truth. Je doit etiendre le lampe.

Wednesday

There seem to be more unbalanced people around than there used to be. I saw people talking, snorting, chuckling to themselves obnoxiously etc both ways to and from school, as I do usually. Also there are more cripples and ugly mugs. What has happened to all the people, or is it just again a matter of my changing perception of things, perhaps.

I noticed that at that new "hip" public school, Copley Square High, the blacks and the whites stand in different sides of the front of the building in the morning. No mixing. This is integration? Ha! And that's the school K thinks it might be "interesting to go to, to see how the other half lives." Again I say HA!! A pipe dream.

I wonder if Dad has called G yet, I bet not. I was thinking about AH and wondering that I can remember so clearly the first time I heard G's name (at T's house), and my audition, and my surprise at his youth. I also remember lying so he wouldn't make me sight read anything. So glad he took me, and so I glad I went. I can also remember driving up the AH road the first time and cryhing to myself, "Why in God's name am I going to a music camp? Now the question is "Why go anywhere else?"

Talked with parents about work and how much I have etc. They don't seem to understand that it's expected. I can't do everything I want to do without staying up until midnight. Yes, je deviens exhausted.

M remembered the beads. I used some of them. The sparkly ones don't go with the necklace, perhaps I should give them back. I gave E back her dollar at GBYSO two weeks ago. I cannot steal pointlessly, that is good. I felt so bad. The facct that I ever even did it, although she was perfectly willing to part with the money disgusts me. That I kept it so long disgusts me.

I am sure that I am in love with someone, I have that feeling. Who is it? I don't think it's TL. Or Mr. A. Speaking of thinking of boys. I had a nice talk with MK. Poor kid he has to be maturer than he is. Maybe it comes naturally. How can you have any kind of social life if your parents are in the school teaching and you are 2 yrs (or so) younger than everyone else in your grade. Quel drag! Je le pitie. He must be smart, and he is nice enough when not with other lunatics of unnameable names, which I will not mention!

My ankle and scraped skin hurts where a rock fell on it this afternoon. I peeled away the white ripped-up skin. I'm surprised it still smarts. I guess one should expect it. HMMM. Very tired.

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