Tuesday

Because things were so hectic I didn't get a chance to write before this, now that I'm home. I've got so much to say I hardly know where to begin.

So, I start with the night of the dance, when I went into deep depression. It made me realize how sick I am of the fake C people, and of people who keep one picture of me engraved in their mind's eye and can't see me any other way. I walked down the road in the pitch dark with M and B. Then I sat and froze in front of the smoking kiln. It was a good although depressed experience.

Everything about H that I haven't already mentioned wasn't very interesting. Except of course for arrangements to go AH. It turned out that JG gave us a ride over in his Jeep. He went a good deal out of his way, and he was very nice about it. I like him. He majors in marine biology. He is also cute.

B + E had a beautiful little baby girl S. She sleeps alot. I didn't see her until today. Once at AH I went straight to work with B (K bicycled over from H) on sanding and second-time gooping the joints and holes in the walls. A tedious and dusty job. I painted a window. I tolerated the winks and remarks of one of the non-AH workers, but had eyes mainly for MS.

Then I watched the sheep being slaughtered. I watched the whole process. I had never seen death or butchery that close up. It was sad when they kept struggling to live, brains and blood pouring from eyeball and nose and mouth. Once they were skinned and their heads cut off though, it became much easier to take. We ate dinner.

My parents had called, Mom practically hysterical because they thought I was coming home Monday evening instead of this one. I straightened that out. Under invitation, B and I slept in room of aforesaid MS. We carved a pumpkin head, but there was no candle. We smoke dope. I must have been lightly but thoroughly stoned. B went to sleep, or at any rate started snoring.

MS asked me up on the bed with him. We clung together in different ways for quite awhile. I refused to even consider letting him screw me up.

Wednesday

Last night I blacked out while writing the previous entry. I woke up by alarm clock with my light still on, sleeping on top of my pen. I didn't write very clearly because I was so tired.

Anyway, Tuesday I spent a major part of the day working on B + E's house, smoothing out holes and painting. It was very tiring but enjoyable work. We ate dinner (I practiced about two hours before dinner), and then K and I went back to Boston with E. We had a great talk during the 2 hours and fifteen minutes the trip took. We talked about AH and what it means to people and how it's run. We talked about the baby, and birth and death, and the killing of the sheep. We talked about people and the changes in them, and what makes people what they are. It was very nice.

I left my bead necklace with MS, because it broke. I hope maybe it will make him think of me. I like him. He said "no hassle."

I'm going to have lessons with Ms. B, probably a week from today. I have to call BMS and find out things like the cost and public transportation and related subjects. E gets upset with J. I can understand how it would be really difficult to teach her sometimes.

It was really great to feel much the same atmosphere at AH as always. I got a great kick out of hearing them tease and yell and even talk seriously to each other. They seemed really open. I decided I like Laurie a whole lot. I gained alot more respect for Mike O. too. What I like most was the feeling of acceptance that we got. I didn't realize until Eric told us on the way home, that we didn't have to and weren't expected and required to work when we visited. I felt it was only the right thing to do. I was thinking of going up to AH for project week. But then again, I wonder just how welcome I would be.

I opened a bank account at Suffolk Franklin during my first free period. I had to apply for a social security card.

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Last updated: 11/10/02; 2:23:02 PM.
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