Thursday

I didn't go to school because I was so wrecked up and tired. I stayed at home and went back to sleep and slept until 2 o'clock. Boy was that great. I woke up feeling halfway human for the first time in ages. What a relief. I hacked around the rest of the day, mostly reading, and not thinking about anything in particular. That too, was very nice. We ate a late diner which was a drag because I hadn't done any of the work and so I want to watch "Kung Fu" but haven't practiced. I may forego today the practising, but that will make me feel bad.

I think alot about MS and how good he made me feel. I wish I had said good-bye to him. But he hid himself in his room. He sure built up my self-confidence alot. I just wish that he didn't have a thing about grass. Too bad. I'd sure like to see him again sometime, but it doesn't look likely that I'll be up at AH again this fall. It kind of makes me sad. I guess I'll just have to find a substitute.

I look forward to seeing JG. He was nice. It's funny how I seem to fall either towards the really macho types or the really sensitive reserved type. I don't know how true that is. I can't think of 'em all right now. I'd like to see his face when he hears that I spent all my time at AH working my butt off.

I wonder if we have orchestra tomorrow? I know we have a Spanish quiz for which I have not studied because I don't have book at home. However, I did figure out (I think) the partial solution to one of the sample problem projects Mr. K showed the class awhile ago. I guess I'll collar him tomorrow and ask if it's legit. I wonder what I'll have for my own project.

I got a thing from the bank today, thanking me for becoming a depositor. They spelled my name wrong.

Another thing that my visit to AH makes me think of is the corn roast and how I avoided J at the soccer game. I wouldn't have avoided MS, that's for sure. I was amazed at the intensity of feeling I had while I was with him, especially in contrast with J, or even more so, with G, which was almost quite the opposite. With him too there was a feeling of decisions, as there was with J, there was also one with Greg, but I think I tried to cover it up to make myself feel better. I also wasn't drunk and didn't have that nasty, slightly sick feeling in my stomach. We were also a hell of alot more comfortable and private.

I wonder how much B guessed or knew, whether she was really asleep., or faking it like Judy did with Joanna and Eric S. The parallel had hit me right away, and Beary sure was snoring alot. I don't really care, and if she wasn't asleep she sure as hell was tactful about it. I appreciate it.

God, that phone sure rings alot. Three times since I started this particular entry. Not bad eh? None for me of course.

I keep waiting in the mail for a package of music from Phyllis. I ordered Bach Solo Partita, a book of orchestral excerpts and the Karg-Ebert Caprices quite a while ago. Je me demande ou sont-ils donc? J'ai envie d'eux. Cela m'embete. C'est enmerdant. HMM!!! Right now I'm going to read the first and second entries I made in this notebook over again. Will all of it look fake a year from now? Will it all seem more vivid in my memory than if it hadn't been written down? I don't know. I guess I'll see.

D is supposed to drop by sometime with some posters for me to pin up wherever possible. I hope he does sometime when I'm home. Knowing him, he won't even find the place. Ah well, we shall see.

I chose my advisors in this order, Mr. M, Mr. D, and Mr. K. Right now I'm wondering if that's the right order. I wish I hadn't told anybody, because K and M did the same thing, and it makes it look sort of fake and faddy. He probably doesn't want to advise people anyway, he has so many other equally important things to do.

That reminds me, I mustmust call BMS, TOMORROW. Or I know I'll never get either done. We shall see what we shall see.

I heard Sarah practising one of the Bach Violin Partitas. It sounded very nice. Maybe if I'm not too tired and my parents don't come home and she wants to, I'll play duets with her. We'll see. Well, now that I've run off at the mouth quite sufficiently I'll go watch some boob tube. I wish we didn't have that goddamn set. I'm not going to, when I live on my own. But since we do... HMM! A bit hypocritical, do you think? Alas, such is human frailty, donchya know? And now I'm going to reread those first two entries.

Friday

There was orchestra today, but I had to leave half-way through to take a Spanish test (for which I was not prepared, but which I found relatively easy anyway). In the afternoon I skipped a Music Theory class for which I had not brought in my stuff because he told us there wouldn't be any. I went to watch the soccer game instead. We lost 1-0. Not too bad, we played very well until the end of the third quarter. I felt very badly for JG. The cheerleaders drove me nuts. I yelled back at them "We shriek, not squeak." Even those on my team did not manage to appreciate that literary foray. On the ride to the bus I dazzled Mr. K with a series of fantastic proofs (if I do say so myself). I even figured out the Pons Asinorum, really quite easy if you look at it the right way. [Mr. Davis liked my English essay! Hurrah!] After we got back to school I talked to Mr. K about having Mr. C removed from our class meetings. I feel sort of sad and guilty I did that, because it was a bit of an underhanded self-centered blow. But the fact is I liked D much better. Alas, I really wish I didn't have gut reactions to people. I either like them, or disllike them, "ou les trouve 'bleh.'" Then I proceed to rationalize the reasons why. Often I make up a quite plausible practical framework of why I do or don't like someone, to justify and safeguard from attack my opinion of them. I often feel pity (?) or sympathy(?) for those people I don't like, for example: CF or Mr. C. I would prefer much more to like them, and I don't want to not like them.

As a result I was quite late getting home. As a result I stayed up later than one would wish. As a matter of fact, it's seventeen to one. Tomorrow I meet K and M and S in front of the Coop at 12:00 demain, et nous ferions du shopping. C'est bien, ne c'est pas? or is that n'est-ce pas? God knows. I sure don't. So late and tired. Legs ache from jumping up and down. (I guess.) Buenos noches? Can it, cool it, put a lid on it, preserve it for later (much later!).

Oh yeah, I just remembered, J's going up to to AH. I asked her to give MS a special hello from me. She was curious, but not overly. Seems they got stoned together too. Poor guy, poor J. Grass, quel drag as a habit. I hope she remembers, and she does it in a relatively dignified manner. T thinks A's so-so. HMM. Ah well, so do I really, and what a macho idiot! But he sure has a bod (not to mention face). Well, this is it before my fingy-poos (sorry) fall off.

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