Thursday

Ma pauvre chère amie H, qu'elle a des problèmes! Elle croit maintenant que CR suit W, et ça la faire mal à l'âme. Pour moi, c'est un peu different. D'abord, je n'ai jamais eu une éspérance possible que je gagnerai. Et çelà me rend un plus fortunate qu'elle. Ok, tant de çà. Allons aux événements du jour.

English and Japanese History were fine. Mrs. K didn't get around to reading my haiku, and I would have been interested to hear some of the comments. Oh well. Spanish was funny as usual. math was ridiculous, as I flunked out on the quiz, well, not quite. Then lunch, of which I didn't eat any. Oh I forgot to mention, I had the world's greatest breakfast. Three pieces of smoked duck and 4 Peking ravioli. I was in 7th heaven. It started my day off on cloud 9.

Well, I'll skip all the boring details and come to the more interesting part. As I guess I mentioned yesterday, I was sore. Well today I was even SORER! But doing exercises helped not end, until about an hour after when it started to come back again full force. JG tried to tickle me when I was doing the fish. At least he paid some attention to me. And afterwards I gave him my warm-up suit to put in the sports closet. He told me the combination.

I got eight dollars out of the bank to pay Mom back for the shoes and boy it hurt to withdraw that money. I also cashed a $5 bill into a roll of dimes for Mr. K. He talked to me after assembly and said that people were really noticing that I was shutting up more in classes. He was very pleased and so was I.

I can't believe that it's true but I keep thinking about JG's departure. That's so dumb. I wish I had somebody really great, and accessible, to go after instead of going after this twenty year old guy. It would be great if he were older and then I wouldn't even consider it, but after MS, shit I don't know, he's probably older than 21. It's all pretty freaky, if you ask me, and even if you don't.

Someday I'll have a nice stable relationship with some really neat guy. Until then I guess it will just have to be ships passing in the ol' night, mist + all. I want to go watch Kung Fu, so you'll just have to excuse me. Remember me when you're older and your beard is all gray. (God knows why I said that, and He's wondering too.)

Friday

I forgot to pull out my alarm clock, so I got up at ten of eight. Couldn't meditate because I met R on the subway. School went ok. It was what I did after school that blew my mind. (By the way, I called up Hayne's and they charge $130 to clean and overhaul a flute, and they couldn't do it until February. They recommend some guy in New Jersey. I'll call up Powell and see if they have anyone around here that they would recommend.)

Well anyway, I got out of school after lunch, so I went back to D- for a visit. It was a very weird experience. I saw Miss C, Miss M, Miss B, Mrs. T, and Miss F (now Mrs. F, or something roughly equivalent thereto). Mrs. H showed me around part of the way. It was really altogether strange. J won, she's president of the school! Hurrah! She'll get things done, too. I know she will. D- seems all in all a better place than when I was in it, but that maybe just hindsight.

I did my exercises at home, and practiced a very little bit, and then meditated. Then we ate dinner at the Ws and then Mom and I forged out way through the traffic to Burden Hall for another great AH concert. I love those people. And my teacher is so good. I just hope she can teach to me what she herself has. I never heard PK play, but I have a certain respect (or is it awe) for him, I think because of his yrs., that I'll never have for Ms. B. But that's OK. I guess as long as I learn. She sure can play, now if she can teach... Well, I'm going to reread a bit of paperback (Planet of Exile) then shut light and get some shut-eye. Perhaps more about DM a la mañana. GOD what a mangled tongue I speak. Au reservoir.

Saturday

Well, it's really fifteen minutes into Sunday, but we'll ignore that fact. I slept until 1, washed hair, meditated, ate breakfast, futzed around, read, practiced 1 hr, meditated, ate dinner, practiced another hr, watched TV (The Andromeda Strain) and somehow managed to destroy my whole day. Of course I guess I forgot to exercise.

I think I've discovered a definite correlation between my regularity of meditation and my will + ability to concentrate for practising. I lose my drive, and my performance goes down when i don't meditate. Well, there's just one other good reason to keep it up. I should get checked, and, while I'm in the Square, get another notebook because this one will be finished soon.

I've decided that I'm not going to buy myslef another pair of pants until I've made my pant size one size smaller. Then I'll buy myself a pair of live-in jeans.

I'm going to buy some silver wire to make jewelry for my Christmas presents. That's easy + fun, and hopefully the wire will go a long way. I can make bracelets and earrings for my friends, and for me. For Mom I think I'll make a necklace. I'm not quite sure about the design, perhaps something with beads or embroidery thread ~ and silver. We'll see. Dad is a mystery.

Well alas, the ol' body says, "Get some sleep kid!" so I have to sack out. And I still haven't said anything about DM. I'd like to write him but I really don't know what to say. I'd like to scream I LOVE YOU! to him at the top of my lungs but I won't. I'm pretty sure he has some idea, which is why he is nice but not encouraging. It's really almost pitiful how much I like that guy. And I think it'll be quite some time before I meet someone like him. Too bad. They're always older and wiser and totally inaccessible. Alas. Well he'll be a terrific doctor, and maybe someday I slip into his office and shake his hand, and no longer wish I wasn't throwing my arms around his neck. Pretty sad, huh? "Teenage fantasies." Check your local paper for the theater nearest you.

Well, you can't win 'em all, and I seem to have an incredible knack for losing a vast majority of them. And he likes J better than me, if what she says is true. Maybe (wishful thinking) it's because he doesn't feel threatened by her because she's even younger than I am, or because she's more messed up. I don't know. I think it's all the same, futile. I have GBYSO and cleaning and practising and eight-o-clock getting upping and here i am running off at the pen/mouth/whatever. GOOD NIGHT she said in a tone of finality. Yawn, snore, what a bore.

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Last updated: 11/10/02; 2:23:57 PM.
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