Wednesday

School went no better than expected, but it could have been worse. One thing that bugged me was everyone describing what fun things they did New Year's Eve.

We started La grande illusion. That should be good, although as usual we started at snail's pace. Mr. K forgot his Sanskrit stuff so we won't be doing that until next week. Since I can't take Women's History because of an irresolvable conflict I am going to have a ton of free time the second half of the year. I'll see if there isn't some other course I can weasel myself into, but I doubt it.

I want my flute back. I miss it. Tomorrow we have Spanish again. That should be interesting (ha, ha). I told Mr. C "regretfully" that I couldn't come to orchestra. Actually I don't mind him that much, he's ok, and besides I'd do it for the music practically no matter what kind of a turd he was.

The ole parents are acting up. They wouldn't let me watch a basketball game just until the Celts got ahead. I call that impatient. If I think I can get my homework done they have no call to order my affairs dammit! It's not as if I was flunking at C. What does Dad want, that I should work my ass to the bone because he's paying for the damned school (do I get any recreation?). I refuse to put up that kind of attitude. They want me to act mature? ~ Let them treat me as if I'm mature. sure, I want to learn. If I didn't, I'd go somewhere where it wasn't expected of me, like P. That's not a slight on P, it's just a different attitude.

I like Mr. K very much. Sometimes he's a little shortsighted though, and overlooks (or ignores) certain elements in people, perhaps hoping they'll disappear, or turn into what we wants them to be. However, I know plenty of people who have worse traits. Mr. D is great because he always look the way he feels, tired, happy, irritated or whatnot. He is not the Kaplan breed of perpetual sunshine, which occasionally is a great relief. I got a B+ on my Jap Hist + Lit paper. That was OK. I should have been more organized and planned my time better with that paper. Perhaps I will do better on this Genji thing, although I doubt it severely.

I got a letter from M, and as usual she was depressed. She was also afraid that I was mad at her, which I hadn't been, just mildly irritated, but that has passed. I shall write her back sometime in school tomorrow, comfort her, and then tell her as much as I can put into words of my own woes.

I would really like to travel and get away somewhere. It's the old escapist syndrome. I can imagine nothing pleasanter than being in

PARIS IN THE THE SPRING

or on some lovely beach in the Caribbean or the Hawaiian Islands soaking up the sun and the ocean, get healthy and relaxed and happy, and not having to worry about anything. Sometimes it would be awfully convenient to have alot of money.

Mr. M MY HEADMASTER meade the second of Richard M. Nixon's enemies list. I congratulate him, and yet I am terrified there ever even existed such lists in the first place. To watch you gov't and perhaps even you society collapse is a terrifying, if fascinating and timely (it's about time!), thing and I wonder how many take it seriously.

(P.S. H wasn't in school today, I guess she hasn't got back from Canada yet, hope she's OK.)

Thursday

I tend to be less good when I don't meditate a second time. As a result I watched TV and put off doing the dishes instead of reading more of The Tale of Genji. I glad I took the rest.

Since I can't take Women's History because of a conflict with Bible I'm not taking a history course the second half, which gives me an enormous wealth of free time. I hope I have the strength to use it wisely. I talked to Mr. K, and he seemed to think it was OK.

I wrote to M but haven't mailed it yet, gotta remember to do that tomorrow. J asked for her flute back (already), so I'll have to go on some kind of awkward schedule. I don't know what I'm going to do about the dinner tomorrow. As you can see I haven't handled anything well recently. I got carried with the tide into attempting to skip Spanish and I was then the only one who went to see Mr. M. I didn't implicate anyone else. That's sort of annoying. It was H2's idea and she got off scot free. I was the only one who went to see Mr. M and thus the only one who reached his attention. Virtue is very rarely any kind of reward at all. I guess underneath it all I'll always be the goody-goody that everyone at D used to think I was. I'd like to think that it's just that I am way ahead in common sense, in a world where it doesn't apply. God help me!

The old drudge of a six hr. night is beginning to wear on me. But I'll live through it. I wish I just had enough willpower to crush once and for all my insatiable sweet tooth.

H was back today. She had a good vacation. I envy her. She's doing OK. And me? Oh deep inside I feel worse and worse, but I must be acting OK 'cause no one seems to notice. Except Mom, and she feels at a loss to help, and often she gets annoyed, with reason, and forgets or fails to see why I do what I do, if there is a reason (which I doubt). I think I'm going to take Mr. K's project week thing. I do need to learn how to be inspired. What a boon that would be, if it could be mastered! Inspiration + technique + materials equals success. I already have a great portion of the last two in a lot of subjects, but not the first.

In a few more days my pen callous will be back up to its old stature. My right hand carries the three "Marks of the Pen" on the first three fingres. I haven't done any exercising in ages and unless I can show more restraint foodwise, then it'll really start to show.

Sometimes I think alot about that plaque on the Pioneer I or II or whatever it is. A message "to whom it may concern or interest," literally. By the time it's read no doubt Earth will already be rubble or eaten by the nova of our sun, or a second addition to the asteroid belt, emitting radiation testifying to the destructive pas of man. Pretty grisly thought, but not the most unlikely thing in the universe.

Saturday

Yesterday was strange, yet made me happy all in all. It could have been much worse, as a matter of fact, I'd braced myself for the whole night to be a disaster. Quit on the contrary, it made me feel good.

I was late getting to the square because the trolleys were all jammed up. B and TH were already there. Two minutes after I joined them M- and K appeared. We went to the Wursthaus for dinner. It was pretty good. I paid for B and K (except for a dollar). I started noticing the way M-'s and mine eyes kept meeting, like that night at AH. I decided to ignore or make light of it our of deference to K. At the concert hall (Longy) I said hello to alot of people and then me + J2 + K + Ti and M- went in to sit down. The first part of the concert was good, as I expected. Hearing the Carter Quintet again sent me back to AH.

During intermission I went backstage (after DM stepped on my toe and I didn't talk to him) with R, who was really nice to me. That made me feel really good. I said Hi to Ms. B + E-. F- was there too. Then, since I couldn't get to see anyone else until after the concert I sort of milled around until the second half. They did the Mozart Piano Quintet. I love the second movement. Unfortunately they played it better at camp.

After the concert I talked to DM. That was pretty weird. But he was nice about the whole thing. I talked to JF. I spoke to DJ, who I swear is one of the neatest guys. He's really nice. MO acted strangely toward me. I hope he has a guilty conscience for having spread wicked although partly true rumors about me. The whole thing was just really nice and I enjoyed seeing all those great people and find out that they still, for the most part, like me. I guess like DM said, I will be back there next summer. If nothing else, the music and the counselors are worth it.

I went home with the Ks. K and M- backed out of the ride at the last minute. i could have kicked them both. But M- really made me curious. I wonder what his game is. If he really likes K then what the hell...? HMM, c'est une mystère.

Today, j'ai dormi a trois heur et demi, et je n'ai rien fait. Alors, de nouveau j'ai trop mangé. Quest-ce qui'il y a avec moi, je me demande. Demain je dois faire des exercises, jouer du flûte, nettoyer la maison, liser Tale of Genji, et mon devoir. Je doios me lever a dix heure. Maintenant c'est presque minuit. Il faut que je ne reste beaucoup plus up. Hé, j'ai changé into pidgin French. On ne peut pas gagner.

Mom and Dad found a whole mess of unsaleable books and brough them home. Quite a mish-mash. Already I have read James Bond Diary by Roger Moore. It was funny. I guess you could tell he knew it would be published, it would be interesting to know for sure. If this stuff was published it would be longer than his I think.

Mom got some tape that's the right size for my labelmaker (last time I had to cut it all down to the right size). Now my only problem is that I haven't got anything that desperately needs labeling. I think I'll label these notebooks.

Sunday

I got up at 11:30 (we're on daylight savings time now) and ate and practiced, mostly composing a thing I started yesterday. Some of the runs sound vaguely like the festive ouverture, damnit. Then i killed two hours reading Pirates of Venice and then we ate din-din and I watched the news, so now it's 7:30 and I still have Spanish and Math to do, not to mention the fact that I haven't done any Genji all weekend either.

T came over with some photos of us in kindergarten. They were cute as hell. The funny thing was that in the photos of HC you could see that she's hardly changed at all. She still has a baby-face.

I think I've decided to put my amber on silver. I just wish I had a jeweler's block so that I could pound the silver right. They cost 7 or eight dollars though. Mom says she used to have a jeweler's anvil but she probably gave away or misplaced that too.

I wonder when I can get my baby back. Ms. B is giving me a lesson on her flute and I'm practicing with Jackie's, but I miss mine. I have temper tantrums when her flute doesn't sound the way I want it to, although probably I'd sound just as bad on my own.

It's time I started working on my French paper. I have no idea what I'm going to write about. I can't believe she's actually giving us a longer paper after those hundreds and hundreds of short papers we wrote. If I had some kind of idea I guess I wouldn't mind. The only thing I can think of would be to explain the rôle that Marie plays in the book. The character and personality of Marie must be there for some purpose, n'est ce pas?

Hé, long ago j'ai du commencer travailler serieusement. Maintenant c'est presque impossible. Also, it's been so long since I've done any work on my Math project. I've almost forgotten what it is (ho, ho). Well, I think I'd best do the dishes and then buckle down and once and for all get my homework done! We have a (gulp) large Math test demain.

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