Bush to investigate WorldCom

Washington D. C. -- George W. Bush announced an immediate, high-level investigation into WorldCom. "They only donated a million dollars to the Republican Party last year," said Bush. "Anybody running a $3.6 billion fraud operation who gives us less than five percent is going down *hard*."

Just up the street, Senator Trent Lott promised to set the dim-witted W straight: "I promise WorldCom has never shorted me or the Republican Party." Millions of American voters expressed relief.