Fiorina compensation affected by undesired attention

Cupertino, CA -- Darth Fiorina today admitted that her compensation for firing thousands of employees has been affected by the undesired attention.

"I was on track to get the standard CEO compensation, $1 million per thousand employees fired," said Darth. "But with all the attention from Brutus Hewlitt's proxy battle, the Board of Directors pulled a fast one on me."

Darth's new compensation is down to $400,000 per thousand workers dumped onto the unemployment rolls during the current economic downturn.

But all is not glum! According to Darth herself, "...so we decided to fire twice as many workers. Plus, the $400,000-per is going to be all off-shore and untraceable, so the legal fees I would have paid to avoid paying taxes will go away, and I pretty much come out even financially. But firing 30,000 workers looks a lot better on the resume than firing just 15,000."

As a child, Darth says, she had a Ziggy poster saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Obviously she took that message to heart.