Jesse Ventura receives prestigious, licentious award

This week's "Don't look up when the parrot flies by" award goes to (drum roll) Jesse Ventura! That's right, come on down, Jesse.

Jesse (ha ha, that's a *girl's* name) interrupts the only debate of a political campaign that was down to a few days -- interrupts television coverage -- to announce he's not going to appoint a Democrat to replace Wellstone -- mysterious plane crash victim.

According to Jesse: "Infantile numbskulls with no sense of proportion don't get mad, we screw you any and every way we can."

But we feel for nutcase, we really do. After all, he's a giant in his own mind, and yet the pipsqueek Wellstone had tens of thousands of supporters blowing the roof off the building at the memorial service. Poor Jesse knows if *he* died in a mysterious plane crash he'd be luck if fourteen kooks would show for the memorial.

Like we say, we feel for the nutcase. Jesse's a victim of the same mental destabilization program that leads so many veterans to go postal -- kill their wives, blow up federal buildings, go on sniping sprees across Maryland and Virginia, etc., etc. Compared to that, Jesse's doing all right.

So congratulations on the award, Jesse. (Hee, hee -- girl's name.)

And we leave you all with this parting thought: why is it that the people who need meds the most are always the last ones to get them?