Bush appoints Ken Lay to replace Pitt

Washington, DC (licentious) -- George W. Bush today appointed his top campaign contributor to head the SEC.

"Kenny Boy" Lay funneled millions of dollars to various Bush campaign funds, quasi-legal entities, off-shore accounts, and henchmen. "It's the least I could do," said Bush.

The reporter who asked if that might not be seen as controversial was immediately removed from the press conference.

Bush further explained that Lay is -- incidentally -- the best man for the job: "There's nobody who can out-scam Kenny-Boy. We need a man like that at the SEC, to make sure the Republican Party gets its cut of any stock fraud, money laundering, or any of the other good schemes that we worked so hard with Andersen to create. Companies like Adelphia who don't pay up have to know they're going down hard. Kenny-Boy is the right man for this job."

When asked who he would choose to head the new audit oversight board, Kenny-Boy said his former henchman at Enron, Andrew Fastow, is at the top of his list, but he intends to cast a wide net.