Dick Minim of Wealth Bondage claims that in a former time, he and I once danced ''all night'' as complementary ends of a Centaur.
It is impossible at this juncture to determine the truth of this allegation - whether such an event occurred in the body or out of the body, at the Ale and Quail Club, or at all. But if I were Bottom to Mr. Minim's Top, a dream would be in order. This could be that dream:
~~~~~
Enter stage left Hominid Academicus (HA) talking into his shirt -
HA: "...the female masochist wields power by turning punishment into pleasure. She seeks pleasure indirectly and parodoxically 'by playing the role of helplessness and abandon'."
Enter Cole Porter, in Angel costume, flying overhead:
At words poetic I'm so pathetic
That I always have found it best
Instead of getting 'em off my chest,
To let 'em rest - unexpressed.
[Note: It should be explained that this is a dream-by-proxy, a relatively new term in surreptitious psychoanalytic subversion. Quick explanation: You know how sometimes you can't recall whether something you appear to remember actually happened, or was a dream? Well, a dream-by-proxy (proxy derives from the latin procurare, ''to procure'') is like that, except in this case it is a matter of deciding whether the thing you appear to remember was your dream or someone else's, which you only recall because it conveyed itself, not in a conversation or a written message, but in an unguarded moment, as when a fleeting expression flew through their face like a Gyrfalcon, or seemed to insinuate itself through their voice, or through Google, and as a result, but perhaps only years later, when one can't be sure anything of the sort actually happened, it happens that the moral landscape upon which they appeared to stand begins to dissipate, leaving suspended like Mr. Porter (vide supra) the residue of some untranslatable indeterminacy which could have unequivocally revealed precisely whose dream was dreamt by whom if indeed at all and begging like a deposed B-movie tyrant the question without beginning middle or end not what do women want but is this then a translation of that translation, or a proxy for some whoreson facsimile of both, giving the learned Academicus reason to ponder from what vantage ''point'' (itself a problematic construct procured without royalty payments from certain possibly misleading and certainly uncertain dead-white-male-dominated mathematico-physical models) which end, in fact, might in all probability be represented, with syllogistic suasion and without a shadow of a doubt, as "up".]
HA: "She pretends to deny what she has - agency."
Cole Porter:
I hate parading my serenading,
As I'll probably miss a bar,
But if this ditty is not so pretty,
At least it'll tell you how great you are.
The hoarse whisper of Bernard Hoepffner can be heard offstage: ''There is another aspect of puns that the translator should never forget: a pun, like Bottom's dream, «hath no bottom»''
Cole Porter: You're a rose, you're inferno's Dante
Cut to nether regions, where Howard Stern has the play-by-play:
Stern: Between the ditch and the foot of the bank, Robin,
Centaurs came running single-file, armed
With arrows as they hunted in the world.
HA (grasping a shaft): "Female masochism thus involves movement within a bisexual continuum. Her feminine "passivity" is only a ruse she implements for the purposes of sexual recognition and pleasure."
Stern: Seeing us descend, they all pulled up,
And from their ranks three of them (including one Minim) moved forward
With bows and with their newly selected shafts
- With no apparent provocation, Homonid Academicus shoots Bernard Hoepffner with a poisoned purloined arrow, piercing his epiglottis -
Cole Porter (still in flight): You're the nose, on the great Durante
Bernard Hoepffner's horsey whisper: ''When we examine reality, we are in fact observing language.''
Alighting on Minim, Cole Porter rides him off stage right:
I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop!
But if baby I'm the bottom,
You're the top!
(finis)
~~~~~
(Regardless of their pretensions to reality, any person or persons appearing in this coup de theatre have no business thinking this has anything to do with them.)
4:01:18 PM 
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