Earl Bockenfeld: Humor

Great Moments In Presidential Speeches

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 03:48:21 GMT

Great Moments In Presidential Speeches

Waterloo

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 00:46:02 GMT

Waterloo

A toe-tapping tribute to Dubya's legacy.

arming a new generation with centuries of hatred--sweet strategy...

OK Go on Treadmills, Dancing.

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 05:17:29 GMT

OK Go on Treadmills, Dancing.

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 04:32:37 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

How on earth is Pluto not a planet?

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 21:51:07 GMT

How on earth is Pluto not a planet?

Poor Pluto. Demoted after all these years. Age discrimination?!

Pluto's not a planet anymore? When did that happen? And why? Some mumbo jumbo about its "oblong orbit." So, it's a celestial free spirit that plays by its own rules "is that so wrong? I don't recall Neptune complaining. I learned in school that there were nine planets. It was public school, and I was out sick a lot, but nine was the number. If I ever go on Jeopardy! and the number of planets comes up, I'm going to say, "What is nine, Alex." It's so easy to remember: "Nine is fine." "Nine's divine." Now I've got to think up words that rhyme with "eight." By the way, does Mr. Trebek qualify as a planet? He meets at least two of the revamped criteria. He circles the sun, and he "clears the neighborhood around [his] orbit," at least in terms of game-show ratings. Worst of all: Pluto's been reclassified as a "dwarf planet." So Disney still wins.

Public mourning for Pluto, the former planet and current huge lonely chunk of ice, continues with a "Save Pluto" Photoshop contest over at Worth1000.com. Fine print on this entry reads, "Paid for by the friends of Pluto."

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 03:23:26 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 15:53:17 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Yes, feed me!

Friday Cat Blogging

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 04:50:02 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 06:25:49 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 06:35:07 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 07:14:57 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Guess Who?

Ecstasy Commercial

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 07:20:17 GMT

Ecstasy Commercial

A parody commercial for Ecstasy by Mad TV.

NSA Wiretaps Reveals Most People Pay Too Much For Long Distance

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 06:57:35 GMT

NSA Wiretaps Reveals Most People Pay Too Much For Long Distance
From The Onion

FORT MEADE, MDâ€”The director of the National Security Agency announced at a press conference Tuesday that the ongoing phone surveillance of Cincinnati resident Greg Wyckham has yielded "overwhelming and incontrovertible" evidence that the 37-year-old high-school teacher and married father of three is wasting money on a long-distance plan that does not suit his calling needs.

According to Lt. Gen. Keith B. Alexander, Wyckham, who caught the attention of authorities in July 2004 when he placed a call to his first wife, has spent an average of $75 a month on long distance, "when he could have been saving as much as $30 per billing period."

Alexander cited additional examples of Wyckham's reckless long-distance use, which included a late-afternoon call to his mother in Colorado last spring and several March 2005 calls to old college friends to plan a summer mini-reunion. In January, a lengthy conversation with his cousin in California cost nearly $10.

"We have stacks of logs showing phone calls placed on weekdays before 9 p.m., as well as calls made with flagrant disregard for the per-minute rate," Alexander said. "In addition, not once did Mr. Wyckham ask his out-of-state friends and family members with the same long-distance carrier to join him in a money-saving service plan."

Added Alexander: "Bear in mind that this is a man who earns only $43,220 a year. With both a Dodge minivan in desperate need of repair and the upcoming vasectomy to pay for, he should be more concerned about these expenses."

NSA analyst Lawrence Reinhard, who headed the team conducting the wiretapping, said Wyckham has several cost-cutting plans to choose from.

"If Mr. Wyckham switched to a residential unlimited plan, such as the AT&T Unlimited Plus Plan, he'd be able to make all his long-distance calls for one low monthly fee of just $29.95," Reinhard said. "He'd be able to take $20 off his bill in calls to his ex-girlfriend in Washington, DC alone."

Reinhard also recommended that Wyckham consider switching his long-distance service over to Verizon, his cellular phone carrier. "In addition to their competitive rates, Verizon is now offering a special discount on long-distance night and weekend calls to their cell-phone subscribers," Reinhard said. "But only for a limited time."

Although the Wyckham eavesdropping was a closely guarded operation, Alexander revealed that the NSA considered asking the CIA and British intelligence to directly intervene in April after Wyckham accepted a collect call from his 16-year-old son Jeremy, studying in London as part of a foreign-exchange program.

"The collect call concerned us," Alexander said. "There is no reason why an American traveling abroad should not be equipped with an international calling card, which can be purchased cheaply in corner stores everywhere."

Added Alexander: "If Wyckham simply joined the Family Share Plan, he would not only save money himself, but also for his wife Shelly, Jeremy, the twins, Ashley and Courtney, and, if he were reasonably discreet, teacher's aide Janet Molina, with whom he's having an extramarital affair."

Alexander said it is difficult for the NSA to keep its operations secret when Wyckham and other Americans do not take advantage of potentially enormous savings with a good long-distance plan.

"With companies like Skype and Vonage providing inexpensive Internet phone service, high long-distance bills are a senseless waste," Alexander said. "Sometimes an agent wishes he could physically emerge from the phone receiver and shake some sense into these citizens, but that technology is at least 10 years away."

Friday Cat Blogging

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 17:10:00 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Who needs a mouse?

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 06:05:34 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 26 May 2006 14:40:48 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 19 May 2006 03:47:15 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 12 May 2006 07:15:22 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Friday Dog Blogging

Fri, 05 May 2006 05:06:26 GMT

Friday Dog Blogging

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 06:40:17 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Get outta my face, you mangy old dog!

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 05:12:09 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

For Friday Cat VideoBlogging Fans

I have no idea how they made this video, Jan, it's great. Enjoy.

Fatboy Slim's version of The Joker.

(which, btw, is far better than the original, what with Bootsy Collins on vocals and all.)

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 05:57:45 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 05:46:53 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

04/01 - Funniest Day Of The Year

Sat, 01 Apr 2006 05:01:04 GMT

04/01 - Funniest Day Of The Year

April Fools' Day started a day early on the Web as anxious Internet pranksters couldn't wait to lure the gullible into buying the almost believable.

April Fools' Day Jokes started a day early on the Web as anxious Internet pranksters couldn't wait to lure the gullible into buying the almost believable.

ThinkGeek, a retail site for the technology passionate, launched its annual line up of April Fools' products on Friday, offering such must-haves as the USB Desktop Tanning Center, complete with "eyeball cover thingies;" and the RFID Blocking Kit T-shirt.

For people who find coffee isn't enough to jumpstart their morning, ThinkGeek is offering the Buzzaire inhaler. "One puff and you'll have about two cups of coffee's worth of caffeine zooming through your blood stream."

The Register, a technology Web site based in the United Kingdom, got a jump on the Web's traditional tomfoolery by offering readers a custom-built version of the site called "Pix'n'Mix Reg."

Besides offering the option to block a particular author's stories, readers can chose their own font, including Wingdings; chose whether they want U.K. or U.S. English; and chose stories they don't want to read, such as those containing sex, shameless product plugs for security companies, Web 2.0 and Microsoft.

For readers looking for a safe-for-work version of The Register, a single click will give them their "IT news completely stripped of controversy, polemic, humour and colour."

Following April Fools' Day, people looking for some of the best Web pranks can visit the blogs Waxy.org, which prefers "Internet Jackass Day" to April Fools' Day, and Urgo.org. Both provide annual lists.

Among the pranks on last year's list from Urgo.org were Slashdot.org's report of a Google imaging satellite in which, "if you stand outside and wave you will supposedly show up as a blury fleck," and Habitablezone.com's report that the United Nations had voted to close down the Internet.

Microsoft also made its contribution to prankster day with its Coding4Fun April Fools' Day Special. Among the how-to articles listed on Microsoft's developer site, MSDN, were setting up a PC for the randomly opening CD tray, and creating persistent error messages.

"See how many fake, and progressively ominous messages it takes before your victim figures out it's an April Fools' prank," a description of the article says.

So the Web on Saturday won't be for people who lack a sense of humor. For others, it should be lots of fun.

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 05:20:28 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Dogone Dog Fart Neutralizing Thong

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 05:36:23 GMT

Dogone Dog Fart Neutralizing Thong

You can stop squinting now, your eyes aren’t deceiving you—we really did post a photo of a dog wearing a thong. But not just any dog thong! No, the Dogone thong is the "comfortable and least intrusive means for deodorizing gassy discharges", and you know you can trust it because it comes from the #1 name in flatulence odor control products.

Uses our famous activated charcoal cloth (washable and reusable)! A starter hole is placed in the cloth in order to help you locate the suggested tail hole. Carefully measure tail and cut-out hole to proper size. Elastic straps are used for flexibility. Suspender clips are used to make the garment totally adjustable. They also provide quick release for allowing the dog out to do his business.

You can get the Dogone in any of three sizes and they’re each $19.99, but if you buy them you’ll need very expensive headphones to keep from hearing the neighbors making fun of you and your poor pooch.

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 05:06:50 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 06:19:35 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 03:57:09 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Women Making The World Worse

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 03:53:54 GMT

Women Making The World Worse

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 05:38:13 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 05:02:56 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

The best thing about Winter Solstice?

The days start getting longer from here on out.

Happy Winter Solstice Day!

The Onion: Coal Now Too Expensive To Put In Christmas Stockings

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 03:20:26 GMT

The Onion: Coal Now Too Expensive To Put In Christmas Stockings

CHICAGO--With winter's onset driving the demand for surface coal to record-high levels, the mineral's cost is now beyond the reach of low- and middle-income Americans who wish to punish their naughty children. "Coal in one's stocking is meant to serve as an admonishment or warning, not as a dependable grade-B investment," said William Menchell, a commodities adviser for T. Rowe Price. "In today's market, children should only have their stockings stuffed with lumps of coal if they have been studious and obedient, and show an interest in long-term investments in the energy sector." For more affordable punitive options, analysts point to the relatively stagnant switch market, which could soon go the way of coal if demand increases for combustible wooden sticks.

JibJab's Year 205 In Review

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 16:24:08 GMT

JibJab's Year 205 In Review

The latest one is really a good one.

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 07:01:17 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 05:14:20 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 05:01:39 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

Fri, 14 Oct 2005 05:25:59 GMT

Friday Cat Blogging

20 Things That Only Happen In Movies

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 05:05:34 GMT

20 Things That Only Happen In Movies

Nostalgia Central Link

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . .

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

The Winner Is... Fake Dog Testicle Creator

Sat, 08 Oct 2005 02:33:48 GMT

The Winner Is... Fake Dog Testicle Creator

I wonder what would happen if we sent some of these to our friendly, progressive, democratic leaders in Congress and the Senate!

BOSTON Link --Gregg Miller mortgaged his home and maxed out his credit cards to mass produce his invention -- prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs.

What started 10 years ago with an experiment on an unwitting Rottweiler named Max has turned into a thriving mail-order business. And on Thursday night Miller's efforts earned him a dubious yet strangely coveted honor: the Ig Nobel Prize for medicine.

"Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor," he said. "I wish they were alive to see it."

The Ig Nobels, given at Harvard University by Annals of Improbable Research magazine, celebrate the humorous, creative and odd side of science.

Miller has sold more than 150,000 of his Neuticles, more than doubling his $500,000 investment. The silicone implants come in different sizes, shapes, weights and degrees of firmness.

The product's Web site says Neuticles allow a pet "to retain his natural look" and "self esteem."

Although the Ig Nobels are not exactly prestigious, many recipients are, like Miller, happy to win.

"Most scientists -- no matter what they're doing, good or bad -- never get any attention at all," said Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals of Improbable Research.

Some, like Benjamin Smith of the University of Adelaide in Australia, who won the biology prize, actually nominated their own work. "I've been a fan of the Ig Nobels for a while," he said.

Smith's team studied and catalogued different scents emitted by more than 100 species of frogs under stress. Some smelled like cashews, while others smelled like licorice, mint or rotting fish.

He recalled getting strange looks when he'd show up at zoos asking to smell the frogs. "I've been turned away at the gate," he said.

This year's other Ig Nobel winners include:

-- PHYSICS: Since 1927, researchers at the University of Queensland in Australia have been tracking a glob of congealed black tar as it drips through a funnel -- at a rate of one drop every nine years.

-- PEACE: Two researchers at Newcastle University in England monitored the brain activity of locusts as they watched clips from the movie "Star Wars."

-- CHEMISTRY: An experiment at the University of Minnesota was designed to prove whether people can swim faster or slower in syrup than in water.

The Ig Nobel for literature went to the Nigerians who introduced millions of e-mail users to a "cast of rich characters ... each of whom requires just a small amount of expense money so as to obtain access to the great wealth to which they are entitled."