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Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd whimper and tug at their sleeves, and they'd always waste precious minutes saying things: Do you think something's wrong? Do you think she wants us to follow her? What is it, girl? ... etc., as if this had never happened before, instead of every week. What with all the time these people spent pinned under the tractor, I don't see how they managed to grow any crops whatsoever. They probably got by on federal crop supports, which Lassie filed the applications for. -- Dave Barry

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Oddly Enough		3:22PM EST
Fat Cat Hunger Strike After Meat-Feeding Owner Goes (Reuters). Reuters - An obese German cat six times the normal weight has gone on a hunger strike at a Berlin animal shelter after being taken from his owner who had fed him four lbs of mince daily, Bild newspaper reported on Saturday. Bank-Robbing Church Minister Headed to Jail (Reuters). Reuters - A federal judge on Thursday sentenced a pentecostal minister to more than six years in prison for robbing banks from Maine to Massachusetts of more than $10,000, prosecutors said. Apologetic Arkansas Peeping Tom Leaves Cash, Note (Reuters). Reuters - An apologetic Peeping Tom in northern Arkansas left a $20 bill and a note for his victim asking if she would not mind if he peered at her outside her window, police said on Friday. Another Severed Human Head Found in Honduras (Reuters). Reuters - A severed head was found on a park bench in northern Honduras on Thursday, the 10th such incident since the government began cracking down on youth gangs last year, police said. She Closed Airport to Avoid Vacation with Boyfriend (Reuters). Reuters - A Croatian woman was convicted Thursday of disturbing the peace for phoning a bomb threat to Duesseldorf airport to get out of a vacation with her boyfriend. Parrot Refuge Squawks at Canada's Bird Flu Cull (Reuters). Reuters - Canada's largest parrot refuge wants to avoid being the victim of a plan to kill an estimated 19 million birds to stop an outbreak of avian influenza, its president said on Thursday. 'First' Pet Cat Found in Tomb (Reuters). Reuters - What may have been one of the earliest pet cats has been found in a richly furnished tomb in Cyprus, French scientists reported on Thursday. Betting It All on Vegas Roulette Spin (Reuters). Reuters - A British man who has sold all his possessions, including his clothes, will stand in a rented tuxedo on Sunday and bet everything on a single spin of the roulette wheel. France Identifies 'Little Prince' Author's Plane (Reuters). Reuters - A plane raised from the Mediterranean 60 years after it crashed, killing author Antoine de Saint-Exupery, has been identified and will be put on display in southern France, officials said Wednesday. Campaign Provides Fertile Ground for Comics (Reuters). Reuters - With the U.S. presidential election approaching, late night television comics are poking fun at the candidates. Here are some of the lines broadcast on Thursday: Tennessee Town Covers Up Nude Statues (AP). AP - A garden center's nude statues proved a bit immodest for some in this small town. G & L Garden Center responded to complaints by covering up the classical-style statues with stylish, two-piece crimson velvet sarongs. Fat cat goes on hunger strike (Reuters). Reuters - An obese German cat six times the normal weight has gone on a hunger strike at a Berlin animal shelter after being taken from his owner who had fed him two kg (4.4 lbs) of mince daily, according to reports. Japan Holds Ages-Old Log-Riding Festival (AP). AP - Straddling a giant log, six men peer over the edge of a steep slope. There they teeter as buglers and bards, dressed in bright robes and knickers, whip up the crowd. Pigs trot to fame in The Great Escape (Reuters). Reuters - Only the British would make national heroes out of two pigs who escaped from a slaughterhouse and made a dash for freedom. Man Found Showering Convicted of Burglary (AP). AP - A man who was found taking a shower in a woman's Midtown Atlanta apartment has been convicted of burglary.