Monday, April 12, 2004

Mark, the instructor at Common Ground read this poem at the talk last night: The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. You must ask for what you truly want. Dont go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the doorsill. where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don't go back to sleep. -Rumi 9:22:11 AM    comment []

Clinging Oh, I get it.   I go to Common Ground meditation center, take off my shoes in the entrance, sit for an hour and when I come out, my shoes are gone.  I get it.  I learned that I was clinging to my shoes.  Now can I have them back? Aside from losing my shoes, it was a good talk.  On Sunday nights at Common ground, there is a sit for 1/2 hour, with some intermittent guidance from the instructor, then a lecture, then a question and answer session.  There are chairs available if sitting on a mat doesn't work for you.  It is a Vipassana center as opposed to a Zen center.  7:05:37 AM    comment []

	Saturday, April 10, 2004

The Point of Existence: Chapter 2 If I seem crabby lately, its because I'm reading  a book full of sentences like this: More concretely, we recognize in the experience of self-realization that to be ourselves is to be aware of ourselves as the presence of Being. Yup.  Any more concrete and you are talking about sidewalks.  That sentence is right in the middle of a long section that uses the words "suchness" , "isness",  and "thereness".  I get the sense that the author knows he has 600 pages to fill and he's going to spread himself out and get comfortable.  He also threw in the word "facticity". I obviously still believe there is some insight to be gained here, or I would throw the book down the same crapper that I pitched my $20 into when I bought the thing.  The insight in this chapter is the "fall into narcissism", restating once again the theory that our egos get in the way of enlightenment. Two capacities of the self are particularly relevant to the development of narcissism as we understand it:   The first is the capacity of the mind to form concepts and structures of concepts in response to experience.  The second is the capicity of the self to identify with different asects of experience, particularly with images in the mind and with habitual emotinoal and physical states. To me "forming concepts"  means something like, when I see the color green, I don't really see it, I just have a concept in my mind of what green is.  And "identify with different aspects of experience" is to hitch my wagon to a projected image :  father, employee, patriot, swimmer, clown.  He goes on to say how healthy and normal it is to form these associations. However, at some point, something happens that calls it all into question or at least lets you view the self from a totally new perspective.  My impression is that the book tries to teach you how to get there without having a near death experience. 11:34:53 PM    comment []

	Thursday, April 08, 2004

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life because of me will find it."  Matthew 10:37 -10:39 I understand it as follows: I have an attachment to donuts. I think having a donut will bring me deep happiness and my desire for donuts prevents me from living in the now, or in the kingdom of heaven. This one is relatively easy to get past if you stare at the desire for donuts and see that it is a temporary situation that will blow by like a leaf in the wind. Well, I also have an attachment to things like cable internet access. The desire for this or the fear of it being taken away prevents me from entering the kingdom of heaven. This is also temporary, a piece of tumbleweed that blows by in the wind and really has nothing to do with happiness. Fine. I can imagine getting down a spiritual path far enough where I can see the impermanence of my internet connection. not there yet! This is why Jesus says that a rich man getting into the kingdom of heaven is like a camel passing through the eye of a needle. But then, Jesus tells us that things very close to our hearts, like children, our limbs, even our lives are impermanent. Yet we cling to them as if they will last forever and it is this clinging that prevents us from being true followers of Jesus. So, the instruction is not to abandon our kids to follow Jesus or sacrifice them, but to gain this perspective that they, like everything in this world is impermenant, to gain a perspective where we can watch our love and devotion to our children and see it like a cloud blowing by. But, oh what a cloud! That cloud is what our lives are made of and we should appreciate it, shower attention on it, celebrate it always. I predict that if we could really see things from that perspective, we would be in heaven. 11:20:01 AM    comment []

	Sunday, April 04, 2004

A.H. Almaas The Point of Existence by A.H. Almaas arrived yesterday.  I think it is about getting past the surface manifestations of who we are to get at who we really are.  Yes, it could be like biting into a wad of wet newspaper.  The first chapter certainly has that chalky newsprint taste, except it holds out the promise of a series of exercises contained in the book that supposedly will help me pull off this feat of self-realization, which has yet to be defined.  The book claims to be a fusion of spiritual explorations of the self with scientific psychological and philosophical explorations of the self.  It seems that we view reality through "egoic veils".  As we cling to the surface definitions of who we are, we miss something deeper.  In a sentence, I can't bare to explore a deeper self because it might mean losing cable internet service. 11:58:16 PM    comment []

	Saturday, April 03, 2004

Like the white tail of that November deer God vanishes -john cowan 11:22:23 AM    comment []

	Tuesday, March 30, 2004

RRRumble at RRRedeemer! Now I can't say I never get invited out: Come watch Jeff Warner, founder of Ultimate Strength Ministries (former professional boxer and WWF wrestler) perform incredible feats of strength with his bare hands, and attempt to destroy his previous brick-breaking record all three nights at Redeemer Lutheran Church in Fridley, MN. But Wait...there's more! Joe Laurinaitis (former WWF wrestling icon, "The Animal" from the Legion of Doom Road Warriors) has recently teamed up with Ultimate Strength Ministries, and will be on stage with Jeff Warner all three nights as well. Come watch as these two men share not only their amazing physical strength but their powerful faith and amazing testimonies of surrender to the Lord. 4:52:33 PM    comment []

	Sunday, March 28, 2004

Commodification of Irreverence One of the reasons zen buddhism is no longer a full contact sport is that our culture has commodified irreverence.  Irreverence is packaged and crammed down our throats every night.  So, those who turn to buddhism or any other alternative, seeking refuge from the dominant culture are probably going to want it solemn and dour and without all the cackling laughter.  The minute something in our culture gets held up as an object of seriousness and piousness, it is immediately ridiculed.  We are really good at that and I celebrate it every day.  One example that comes to mind is the tourist guy on the world trade center.  I had a few days to take in the tragedy and then I was laughing myself silly at this.  So what do you do if you are looking for an alternative but the media has packaged the alternatives,  when you scream the word "NOW" but find out it's just a CD that you can buy?  You sit and find a quiet center and let the 10,000 things come to you instead of rushing out to meet them.  7:08:38 AM    comment []

	Saturday, March 27, 2004

Zen Pranksters We talked today about how when you read about zen, it is this boisterous, often hilarious practice with monks pushing one another off of chairs and messing with each other's minds, but in practice in so many places, it is this solemn undertaking done only by the terminally careful, so that it ends up being somewhat dead. You find a monk in a field and ask "Where is Joe?"  and he waves a wand back and forth a few times in front of your face and says nothing. Then you decide that this guy is nuts and you go to the next field and find a monk and ask him where Joe is and they guy says, "You were just talking to him" I so want to try that, except with fireworks. BOOOM! 11:32:18 AM    comment []

	Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Notice by Steve Kowit This evening, the sturdy Levis I wore every day for over a year & which seemed to the end in perfect condition, suddenly tore. How or why I don't know, but there it was - a big rip at the crotch. A month ago my friend Nick walked off a racquetball court, showered, got into his street clothes, & halfway home collapsed & died. Take heed you who read this & drop to your knees now & again like the poet Christopher Smart & kiss the earth & be joyful & make much of your time & be kindly to everyone, even to those who do not deserve it. For although you may not belive it will happen, you too will one day be gone. I, whose Levis ripped at the crotch for no reason, assure you that such is the case. Pass it on. 8:07:59 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Went to Clouds in Water zen center just now. It is right in downtown St. Paul. Someone stopped me at the door and asked me if I knew what to do in a 35 minute sit. I said, "Yeah, yeah I know what it's all about." Except I didn't know. Zen meditation is different than what I have practiced for the past few months, which is vipassana, also called insight meditation. So different that they pulled me aside for special attention. Zen meditation is breathing and focusing on the breath in order to quiet the mind.. Vipassana is breathing and paying attention to what floats by in order to quiet the mind. One obvious difference is that Zen meditation has a lot of structure and rules. You hold your hands here. You sew your own robe. You focus here. You sit like this and walk like that. It was explained to me that rules make things easier because then you don't have to decide where to focus your breath or which direction to face. When the instructor took me out in the hall and told me how things were, he had me sit for 10 minutes with the special posture and special focus on the spot one inch behind my navel. Fire crept into my back and knees, but I got an idea that this kind of practice could produce the kind of holy stupor that I crave.  I have decided to leave this type of practice for after I get more practice at the insight meditation. 10:12:37 PM    comment []

If you have an hour to spare, Speaking of Faith has a great interview with Karen Armstrong, who wrote The History of God.  She also wrote a biography of the Buddha. One valuable thing she said was that religions share the aspect of compassion, which encourages the practitioner to remove themselves from the throne and make someone else the center.  I find that  children force me into this role.  This is one of the goals of meditiation as well:  remove the self from the equation. 8:25:43 AM    comment []