Thursday, 11 December 2003

Alas, the time of this weblog is over. I liked it, but it is too much trouble to get working how I wish it to work, and too much effort to update regulary. A much more publisher friendly weblog can be viewed at: poklog.blogspot.com Quid quid latine dictum sit altum viditar. respond [] 2:08:08 PM   00000048

Sunday, 2 November 2003

It gets to Tuesday and feels like Friday. Little annoyances are getting to me... a stubbed toe, someone not doing paperwork at work, the stinkin weather, having to cook dinner. There is nothing to do at home, everything is either work, too much effort, or a book I have already read three times. I have been sleeping huge amounts, and not gaining anything from it. I'm tired all the time.Conversation just doesn't interest me. I can't find the right song for my mood, because I get shitty and turn everything off after the first few bars. I went for a walk the other night. That usually puts off my angst, but this didn't. I wasn't even treading old ground, I had never been this way before, but I still knew where I was headed. Sigh. I'm dreaming a fair bit as well, I suppose it is because I am sleeping more. I usually dream very rarely, and when I do I know I am trying to tell myself something. My recent dreams have had a very different quality to my normal dreams, more surrealist than abstract. There is a distinct Odilon Redon flavour. I would put in a link to some pics of his work, but I can't be stuffed. Isaac pissed off to Byron, and I think I'm withdrawing as a result of that. Or maybe I'm just trying to find excuses. It's like I'm trying to solve a problem, work out an issue, but I just don't know what it could be. I'm pretty much sorted. Apart from the girl front, but at least I am no longer pining over what will not accept me. A squeeze would be nice, but I don't think that'll fix anything. respond [] 2:52:18 PM   00000047

Thursday, 16 October 2003

Ah. Laziness. respond [] 2:24:26 PM   00000046  After a lot of changes, comes Yet Another Post. New computer, new system, new webserver to blog from. New friends, old friends renewed, a new view of an old friend. I'm spouting drivel that only makes sense to me again. I wonder why I tend to do that? I suppose it's part of my attitude to weblogging. It's like a letter to myself, that others can read. Sorry, I'll do my best to make this a letter to people who are interested in me. I ended up taking my two free martial arts lessons, one in tae kwon do and one in hapkido. I enjoyed them both, a great bit of activity, but I don't think I can afford to do them regulary. Even with Mum subsidising the cost, it's a fair bit for my already strained budjet. The Coffs Harbour Buskers Festival went off well. It was a good week. There was a lot of time to check out the acts, and socialise with them as well. Popeyed were amazing. They take counterbalancing to a whole new level... Some people do handstands. Some people do headstands. Popeyed do both of these... On top of each other. Imagine someone doing a headstand, on someone's head. The Handsome Little Devils were great as well. Such wholesome, positive attitudes. The next step was the Global Party rave. I got asked a while ago to do lights for it. It's hard labour, and it wears at your body through lack of sleep, and it's grubby and primitive. I love it. :) I got there after 8pm on Saturday (a week ago Saturday) night and worked at rigging lights (read, lugging big boxes, opening said boxes, and lifting heavy contents into awkward positions while simultaneously trying to clamp it.) until about 4am. Then came a fun little monkey session clambering around on scaffolding running data leads and power to all of the lights we just put up. It hits 5:30am, and I realise that if I am to stay alert all through the next night I should probably set up the tent. Teehee. :) After putting the finishing touches on the setup we were ready to go. I had a lot of programming to do on the lights, and I was unfamililar with the desk used to control them. I could give several pages of info at what I'm trying to get at here, but I'll do my best to be concise. Moving lights (believe it or not, there is a moving-lights.com) are able to swivel around and direct a beam of light in a certain spot. You can then select what colour the beam should be, if it should be flashing, what shape and spread it should be. You may have seen them at concerts or on TV. The 'desk' is the controller used to make them do what you want. There are a lot of different types of controllers out there, and this was one I hadn't used before. So I had to work out how I got the desk to make the lights do what I want. Which wasn't easy. It can take several hours of pre-programming to design a good-looking show, and I had to do it pretty much on the fly. Maybe in another post I'll let you know of a loop-de-loop that one of my friendships has managed. Well, let you know in detail. For now I'll leave you with a slightly incongrous paragraph. It's horrible, but I think I am starting to get sick of 'great friends'. Hanging out with Isaac after the rave sorta showed me that. We don't have a mystical connection... We don't always feel 100 percent comfortable around each other... We don't feel we can say anything to each other or any of that special friend bullshit. He's my mate, that's all there is to it. None of this chatting about the intricacies of life and people, no profound moments of devine oneness, we just watch the Simpsons, laugh, and if something shits us we call it fucked. And thanks to everyone that said something about this post taking so long. It's nice to know people read this, and are actually interested. respond [] 2:19:08 PM   00000045

Monday, 1 September 2003

It must suck being an echidna. I watched one the other day, in the wild (As much as you can be 'in the wild' next to a train line in a city of 65 000 people). It was so boring... It wasn't moving when I first spotted it, and after I was quiet a while it started moving. Looking for food, sniff left, sniff right, move forward. Freeze when I make a sound. Pause. Sniff left, sniff right, move forward. Sniff left, find an ant. Eat. Sniff right. Move forward. Freeze. My life is more interesting by orders of magnitude, but somehow I still manage to get bored with it. Work, eat, bicker with Mum, sleep, work, talk to friends, work, party, maybe go stay overnight somewhere. I'm over it again. I need to add something... Another job? A martial art, or gymnastics again? A girlfriend? Moving house? To tell the truth, I wouldn't mind all of them. But, we have to start small, I guess. I've been meaning for a while to get off my ass and get another job, and that would improve the money situation dramatically. But I keep coming up with excuses; I'm too tired in the evenings, my JLE hours are too irregular, etc etc. And it's like the girlfriend option... It relies on someone else. So I think the first thing I will try and do is get started in a martial art. I have a few free lessons in some martial art, can't recall which one... I'll go and redeem them. On my day off, this week. Maybe by writing it down and telling people I'm doing it, means it will actually get done. God I'm bored. respond [] 10:15:22 PM   00000044

Tuesday, 19 August 2003

No, I wasn't going out with Dani, she was just a great friend to me, who I expected a lot more out of. And I don't hate her for it, I just don't respect her as much. But I promise this post will be much more light-hearted. I got to catch up with old friends last weekend, it was great. The amount of fun you can have just doing nothing with good friends is immeasurable. Paul came down from Brisbane on Wednesday... Much Halo-ing was to be had. Dave came down from Lismore on Friday, and we all hung out Friday night. We went out and bought a few girls in with us, I got to see Lilah (in the middle) dance with fellow student. I enjoy watching people, and I enjoy watching people dance even more. Some people, however, are just incredible dancers and an absolute pleasure to watch. Maggot reckons she oozes funkiness, but I think Sara put it better when she said that she oozes sex appeal. While we are on the subject of the womens... Nicky showed up in a surprise visit on Saturday. I realised just how great we get along. Hmm. Maybe I shall not elaborate on the subject until I know how I feel about it... The smilies on tech:logic have got me into the idea that maybe I should go cheesy and start using them. Nah. I still prefer the old-skool :). I've decided that Dave is going to be my best man when I get married. He's been a mate since year 6, and despite spending much time apart, with completely different influences, we still get along great. Now I just need a bride... Any takers? respond [] 12:13:50 AM   00000043

Sunday, 10 August 2003

I have never been so full of unintelligible, incoherent rage as as was Friday night. My limbs were shaking, I couldn't form a decent sentence. I was too angry to swear, too furious to break something. I was manic. It scared me. The beginning, I suppose, would be a great place to start. Danielle turned 18 this week. Lovely girl... I often went to her when I had a problem that I needed a new viewpoint on. She was smart, mature, observant, kind, understanding, and loyal. She had a boyfriend who obviously cared for her, and with good reason. I had a huge amount of respect for her. Until I see her all over a guy, up against the wall in the local nightclub, snogging like a slut. I didn't think she would be so capable of anything so low. I usually get over any breach of my trust or respect. Except for cheating on your significant other, to me that is something that cannot be forgiven. This girl who I had loved and admired suddenly became the dirt underneath my feet, and I did not like it one bit. I wanted to leave straight away, but I didn't want to go. I wanted to throw up, but I wanted to be completely indifferent. It suddenly grew intensely cold, and I started shaking. I got enough of a grip of myself to go up and ask her how many drinks she had had. "Less than Wednesday" Wednesday she was practically sober. And that is all she said. Soon enough, I left, immensely relieved to be out of there. I went home, and did not want to be there. I couldn't control what was going on in my head. I tried to cry in frustration and anger, but that never works. So I ran. And I ran... and ran. I ran to the sports field, lapped it, and collapsed in the middle. I have never in all my memory ran that far before, and I never put that much effort into running. I actually collapsed, not just lay down. I panted to the point of wheezing, I was glad in way it took so much effort to supply me with oxygen. Not satisfied with that, I got up, and staggered aimlessly, sightlessly, just anywhere, just away. My arms were locked so tightly around my head that I thought I was actually trying to take my head from my shoulders through brute force. I stumbled into a barbed wire fence, and liked it. That kind of pulled me up a bit. Still staggering with my head in my arms, I made my way back home. And learnt a very important lesson. It's the friends that phone you at five am, and talk you through your babbling incoherencies that really matter. I sent them a message, and somehow it woke them, and for some reason they rummaged for the phone to check it. I thank you from the core of my self. I don't know how they did it, but they bought a smile to me and kept it there. From mindless despair to unburdened laughter is something I did not think I was capable of, but they bought it about in me. I am speechless in my gratitude. So how was your weekend? ;) respond [] 1:41:35 AM   00000042

Tuesday, 22 July 2003

It's been a while since I have posted a rant with completely unrelated links disperesed throughout, so here we go. I went to the circus the other night, for the first time since I was young. And it was nowhere near as exciting as I remember it. Actually, I don't remember the last time I went to the circus but I remember it was better than this one was. The ring looked like it needed a repaint. The opening act was a contortionist, who did moves I have seen my choad of a gym teacher do. The fire breather spat a stream of fire about fifteen centimeters long. The much hyped performing cows did a few circles, put their front legs up on a box, stood there a while, and left. The clowns were boring, and unoriginal.The compare sounded like she had gone through the script too many times. The theme music was tinny. On a whole, the entire show seemed tired, old, lacking in energy. You could tell that the performers had been doing this same act almost daily for years. There was one really cool act, which the compare announced as Argentinian drumming. Two guys and two girls came out beating on drums, with some really high energy rythmns happening. Then they started stamping with heavy boots, and added that in as another drum rythmn, with boots and drums doing a great call and response routine. Then, this was the really cool part, the girls pulled out solid balls on rope, and swung them around. When they hit the floor, they made a great cracking sound. They worked this into the drumming really well... Stamp clack boom, crack crack boom stamp stamp... and so on. When they turned out the lights and switched on little lights on the swinging rope (like astojax) it looked great, and sounded pretty cool too. In other news, I am really looking forward to Mark Dynamix on Friday. Anyone in the area should go to Sawtell RSL at 8.30, he went off in Port Mac and promises to do so again at Charge. respond [] 2:09:01 PM   00000041  It's been a while since I have posted a rant with completely unrelated links disperesed throughout, so here we go. I went to the circus the other night, for the first time since I was young. And it was nowhere near as exciting as I remember it. Actually, I don't remember the last time I went to the circus but I remember it was better than this one was. The ring looked like it needed a repaint. The opening act was a contortionist, who did moves I have seen my choad of a gym teacher do. The fire breather spat a stream of fire about fifteen centimeters long. The much hyped performing cows did a few circles, put there front legs up on a box, stood there a while, and left. The clowns were boring, and unoriginal.The compare sounded like she had gone through the script too many times. The theme music was tinny. On a whole, the entire show seemed tired, old, lacking in energy. You could tell that the performers had been doing this same act almost daily for years. There was one really cool act, which the compare announced as Argentinian drumming. Two guys and two girls came out beating on drums, with some really high energy rythmns happening. Then they started stamping with heavy boots, and added that in as another drum rythmn, with boots and drums doing a great call and response routine. Then, this was the really cool part, the girls pulled out solid balls on rope, and swung them around. When they hit the floor, they made a great cracking sound. They worked this into the drumming really well... Stamp clack boom, crack crack boom stamp stamp... and so on. When they turned out the lights and switched on little lights on the swinging rope (like astojax) it looked great, and sounded pretty cool too. In other news, I am really looking forward to Mark Dynamix on Friday. Anyone in the area should go to Sawtell RS respond [] 2:07:46 PM   00000040

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