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Sexy Magick
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Monday, March 31, 2003
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Truly my day started out beautiful, the angel was an inspiration. I wasn't still hurt from last night's conversation probably because I have this weblog to write out my feelings and I was just me (I was a little frustrated and rushed but that's just me)
Then I got to work..burned out and tired of playing the games - part two happened today. Here's the ironic part - lessons in english: if my boss is going to use big words like ironic to describe something I did - my boss might just want to make sure that he is using them right - considering I'm a english major and I love linguistics.
definition of ironic: 1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning. b. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning. c. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect. 2. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs
definition of paradoxical: 1. A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true 2. One exhibiting inexplicable or contradictory aspects 3. An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, though based on a valid deduction from acceptable premises 4. A statement contrary to received opinion
6:58:44 PM 
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 just something beautiful for the day...in a world that needs peace
7:24:52 AM
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Sunday, March 30, 2003
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Added a new chapter to the online dating trials and tribulations...date four (this one is finished or currently on hold because it might lead somewhere in the future or maybe not)
7:51:20 PM
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Yes, I'm hurting right now. Another guy just wants to be friends and see what happens. Maybe it just that we live too far apart. Maybe something will happen then again maybe not.
But I realized what I want from a relationship..what I'm looking for.....
I want someone that I can share my feelings with, someone that I'm totally attracted to sexually, someone that I feel comfortable enough with to share intimate sexual thoughts, someone that I feel comfortable enough with to share this weblog with, someone that can be my best friend and my lover, someone I trust, someone that wants to grow in a relationship and see where it leads...no matter how far apart we are....
7:49:50 PM
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Saturday, March 29, 2003
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I'm totally burned out by my job and no longer like going to work. I am looking but its slow going with this economy. Check out the new story: Burned Out and Tired of the Game and you too will understand why I'm tired of playing this game.
9:08:03 PM
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"To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancelled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them...Even to understand the word "doublethink" involves the use of doublethink".
1949: coined by George Orwell in Nineteen Eighty-Four
7:55:30 PM
Quotes
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Last night, I was reading some of my old english notes from college and realized that I really missed linguistics, writing and literature and all that goes with it. I've been so caught up in the whole computer/programming/IT work that I forgot what my true passion was.. English Linguistics and Literature. I originally wanted to be an English teacher to share my passion and hopefully inspire kids to read. Don't get me wrong - I love computers and programming and I'm good at it but I have a passion for reading and writing. So tonight I embarked on a new adventure and submitted The Peach to Nerve Magazine - hopefully they will publish it and one tiny step at a time..I can find my passion again.
7:46:30 PM
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Friday, March 28, 2003
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Random logical thinking. I just read a post on Jake's site about prime numbers not so random that almost makes sense in my half asleep mind about prime numbers, logic and theory of chaos...very interesting reading. But my question is: aren't numbers in general man-made and therefore could be comprised of random logic and chaotic theory on their own?
Will have to dive deeper into this one sometime...hmmm..gotta love logic.
6:27:49 AM
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Wednesday, March 26, 2003
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Like silk upon the water
kissing your soul
Sucking slowly passionately seductively within
Intensely licking, tasting, exploring every inch of the spine
Soft lips nibbling the hidden nectar
the suculent sweet juices entering your mouth
Lightly trailing your tongue along the flesh
as you taste every bit of its moisture.
7:47:38 AM
Poetry
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Sunday, March 23, 2003
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This summer I am taking real vacations..no work...no cell phone contact..no checking my emails..no contact with work..just going to have fun....
First vacation destination: Massachusetts - I met this really great guy and I love talking to him and really really want to meet him in person..so hopefully by mid-May, my face will be acne free and I'll have enough vacation time to take off work and I can have a great birthday.
Second vacation destination: New Mexico - my grandmother thinks she is getting old however she is the coolest grandmother a granddaughter could have..I don't think she is getting old but I told her I would come out there this summer before she gets too old (her words not mine). Also I think the UFO fest would be a cool thing to go to...history here: I was born in Roswell, New Mexico and I've heard stories from my grandmother and relatives about the UFO landing..totally piques my interest..being born there and all :)
Third vacation destination: hopefully a week off a home with someone special or maybe exploring the desert heat..
Anyways, food and then bed.....
1:37:30 AM
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Thursday, March 20, 2003
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Apparently I have a new pet raccoon..it must be a baby...it comes in every night and eats, hangs out, wakes me up (loud little eaters) and then leaves..wish I was awake enough to see what it looks like. The cats don't seem to mind either..since they are letting it in every night.
Almost saw the little guy..not much bigger than the cats...and boy was it hungry last night...and has learned to be a little quieter when its eating.
11:08:21 PM
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Found this cool old english freeware dictionary program...here is some of what I translated tonight although I think my syntax may be out of wack..need to find my notes on syntax (note to self). If you understand this...let me know, I totally love languages and how they work especially old english since that what my final thesis in college was about. I got so caught up in all the computer stuff..I totally forgot my passion with languages and linguistics..
Nanwuht elles lif a ge and me gecunnian, swæcc mon æghwælc oðer ferhð, gefelan se martyrung risan betweox unc
11:05:42 PM
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Wednesday, March 19, 2003
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Found this interesting quiz today...very illuminating, almost freaky in what it reveals about you....quiz #1
7:53:39 AM
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Tuesday, March 18, 2003
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Come play with me in the heavens of desire...on the beach, in the desert, in the sun, under a waterfall...in your room...feel the heat between us...your hands, your kiss...where Nothing else exists...this is what sexy magick is all about..........
(this would be a really cool story in old english..maybe this weekend..I'll rewrite when I have the time)
11:42:33 PM
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Monday, March 17, 2003
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not much to say today..except that I'm happy.
and totally overwhelmed with all the crap that I put aside to dwell in my own unhappiness..like cleaning the house, paying the bills which are all late again, talking to my mom and my grandmother..
but life goes on no matter what and sometimes you got to see past the darkness and let other people in. I actually let someone read this blog that I'm very very interested in and he actually liked it..especially the story on ultimate experience...just maybe this is where I suppose to be in my life..
gotta go make dinner..I'm starving
side note..have you ever seen the commerical where the women opens a can of cat food and all the cats come running..even though 5 secs before you couldn't even find them..its true..so true :)
7:46:31 PM
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Saturday, March 15, 2003
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Friends, connections and thinking outside the box.......
I realized something today...sometimes you've gotta think outside the box..literally and figuratively.
I have been totally in love with the idea of "j" because he was the first person in a long time that saw who I was and still wanted to be friends no matter what. We weren't talking and it was kinda of an weird situation..because I thought maybe I still had a chance with him..but I know now that he is happy in his current relationship no matter what I think about her and that we still can be friends because we do have alot in common and he wants me to be happy.
But I met someone online today..and here is where thinking outside the box comes into play..I met someone that lives in Massachusetts and maybe we live really far apart (me being here in California) but that really doesn't mean anything if there is a true connection between two people because if there is then we can work it out..plus he said something about not liking the cold..
and in the end of all things lately..it means I'm moving on and forward..and that "j" and I will always be friends no matter what happens..because really we all need friends we can trust and ask advice about the opposite sex and hang out with and just be.
3:55:34 PM
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Friday, March 14, 2003
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It was nice to talk to you again just about anything and everything :)
8:39:59 AM
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Thursday, March 13, 2003
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I changed my title but it didn't work last night..lets see if its working now :)
8:48:27 AM
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Wednesday, March 12, 2003
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tried something new with Radio but it didn't work..gotta get to work..will try again tonight :)
however I did find the answer to mysubscriptions problem...will have to definetly work on that tonight
8:12:06 AM
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Tuesday, March 11, 2003
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I'm still very much in love with you (you know who you are and I have no idea if you even read these posts to my weblog). I keep thinking that if I just stop thinking about what we had together or what might have been if you didn't meet her then I would stop loving you...or maybe if only I could have been with you a little longer, it could have worked out. I still really don't understand why you didn't think we had the intellectual connection only a physical and emotional connection..I thought we connected on all levels and I may never know or totally understand that. At least I know I turned you on..thats the intense physical/emotional connection between us..I wonder if I still can. It still hurts that you didn't want me. You aren't responsible for my happiness but it still hurts and I wonder what I did wrong or why you didn't feel the same way.
You know what sucks the most about the way I'm feeling. I didn't come looking for you..you sorta just fell into my life. I didn't think honestly think we could be more than friends but you said to give us a chance...so I did. I talked to you for a month before I met you because I wasn't going to get hurt again. I wasn't going to have sex with you right away because I didn't want to get that emotionally involved right away..but the connection between us was so strong (at least for me) that I fell in love with you and I didn't want you to know because you told me you were still dating other people and I didn't want you to know that it hurt. And I know I asked stupid questions about us...which probably pushed you away but I honestly thought if I don't push the idea...you and me could eventually be something more exclusive. I wasn't going to fall in love. I wasn't going to get hurt. You were and still are everything that I was looking for but didn't know it.
I'm sorry that I have been bugging you lately with all these stupid programming questions(you're right - I do know how to fix these things)..I guess I was trying to connect with you still and keep you in my life..but these one way emails(from me to you) are getting old. You are so caught up in your new girlfriend that there isn't time for an ex-lover(I'm not sure what else to call what I am to you right now).
I saw her picture today on your blog and I realized that it's not me (I actually think you'll understand what I'm saying here - I can't put it into words without it sounding bitchy and I don't want you to be mad at me)
I still really want to try and be friends but maybe someday in the future when I can look at your picture and not cry. Or when I can see you two together and not hate her.
I wish it could have been us in those pictures. It still really hurts and I tired of pretending that I don't hurt. I thought I found my soulmate, someone I could see being with for the rest of my life..you once asked me "did I ever have a lost love?" The answer is most definetly a yes now.
I miss our conversations. I miss hearing your voice. I miss kissing you. I miss you.
I will always love you.
8:06:05 AM
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Sunday, March 09, 2003
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Just tried the theme tool..lost all my work from yesterday and had to start over..teach me not to back up files before I start working on new things. Back to trying how to get my subscriptions centered. If this doesn't work - defintely didn't have the desired outcome I was looking for..hmm..need help.
8:45:51 PM
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Saturday, March 08, 2003
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I heard this new band Evanescence the other day..totally love the music..love her voice
9:37:55 PM
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I've been trying to figure out how to get my subscriptions section centered..no idea - I do know that its an image that has to be centered..I copied the source code into an html editor and figured out how to make it look the way I want by adding <p style="text-align: left"> to the code...but how do I make the macro do that...??? I could ask a friend..but I think I'm bugging him, he says I'm not but I probably am. Its not like this code looks anything like javascript or vb script...if all else fails, I'll just play with it when I use theme tool to make myself a new theme :)
8:41:33 PM
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Friday, March 07, 2003
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"No dusty logic can divine the meaning of the sacred sign."
- Goeth's Faust
Staves of the Wyrd Rune reading for March 2003
Goddesses of Destiny..the three Wyrd Sisters (past, present & future)
past - isa - ice - temporary cooling of a relationship, time of introspection in order to pull things together and find your point of gravity. time to give each other space..three days, three weeks or three months...(totally agree with this - this is my past beginning on February 5..3 days wasn't long enough neither was three weeks...so three months...sometime in May)
present - ur - wild ox, bull - determined effort of will, denotes health issues and the healing forces at work within. The querenet will experience strength, good health and energy. Your focus, as well as your strong desire, shapes your circumstances and places you in a powerful position. A willful, even agressive attitude may be needed to defend your gains..must develop an enduring will to maintain and hold what you have established..rune of challenges and changes sometimes sudden or unexpected and often vital to your goals....indicates positive changes (totally see this as my present ...definetly healing forces - my face completely broke out with painful acne - but the accutane is working. My job is being challenged..maybe changes for the better..)
future - cen - torch - depicts movement and change in your life..cen rune shows the birth of something whether a child or an idea - erotic energy..something is being transformed in a controlled way..this may be the recrafting of your life according to your true desire or the important enterprise you are seeking..no matter what is going on in your life things will get better..an opening is at hand through which you sail (hope this happens in my future..only time will tell...three months from my past..at least my accutane treatment will be completed by then..maybe a friendship will be reborn too...I like the idea of erotic energy)
9:38:55 PM
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Thursday, March 06, 2003
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I just had the most delicious dream....I was once asked if I'd had ever been kissed on my belly button from the inside out..hmmm..only in my dreams last night :)
7:15:22 AM
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Tuesday, March 04, 2003
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Today, someone gave me something special...his honesty, his integrity and and hopefully forgiveness of the way I treated him when I was hurt and angry. I think we might be on our way to a more equal balanced friendship...thank you for your patience and understanding. Thank you for just being a friend..albeit a silent busy friend but still thank you for just being you. I will always love you and will always want you to be happy. Thank you :-*
"some people come into our lives and quickly leave..some people stay awhile and leave footprints on our hearts" You left footprints on my heart.
9:24:03 PM
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Monday, March 03, 2003
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Just found the a cool way to edit Radio themes...just wish I had the money to upgrade my dreamweaver version to use it... Macromedia Dreamweaver MX and the eVectors ThemeTool extension. It looks like a lot of fun..maybe in a few months, I can play with it.
The cheaper version of this cool tool is Theme Tool which will work with my current version of dreamweaver and they have a 30 day trial version...hmmm defintely have to play with that this weekend..
I need a theme that is just me :)
2:00:27 AM
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Saturday, March 01, 2003
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Just something to think about...
11:33:42 PM
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Found this interesting site today when I was searching for linux - has nothing to with linux but its all good... thinkgeek has all this weird and interesting stuff that only geeks would get. Truly love the tshirts section - gotta check it out
6:07:38 PM
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