I like this guy and there was some flirting going on the other night, him leaning against me and me leaning against him, him talking in my ear, me leaning close to him to hear him, etc...but now what - was he really interested or was it just the atmosphere (we were all at a concert)? He works at one of my client's sites and honestly when I first met him, yeah, I thought he was cute and interesting but I dismissed the thought because he is so much younger than me and then the other night I thought, hell why not, if I'm attracted who cares how old he is and I know I'm definetly attracted to younger guys but now what? He did offer to help me figure out my ipod and my music is here at my house - so maybe that's the next step, invite him over to help with the ipod. And you're probably thinking to yourself - this is the person who helps with radio's complicated ins/outs why does she need help and yes, I could just read the instructions and figure it out but when a cute guy offers to help, I'll feign innocent because I like him and can't stop thinking about the other night, the vibe I was getting. Seriously, how do I know and what next? Sometimes I feel like a teenager all over again - does he like me?

11:24:00 PM    comment []  

The third date with Its Just Lunch setup - OMG, these people do not get me at all!!!!!! I think I'm actually paying about 200.00 per date to find great new places to eat rather than finding someone that I might be somewhat interested in having a conversation with let alone see again. And maybe I'm paying that much to constantly have to tell the people that work there where/how far cities are from one another in the Bay Area?

Today I walked into the restaurant and saw this guy sitting at the bar and I just knew it was him - do you ever wish you could just walk back out and pretend you didn't see him? I wanted to, honestly, I prayed that they wouldn't lead me over to him but of course they did. He looked like Vince Neil - no, not the cute Vince Neil of the 80s, the old Vince Neil now. The reason this guy has a baby face is not because he looks younger but because he's a little overweight and I'm not saying that I'm not but I also don't look my age and I don't sweat.  And he doesn't want kids. He's not a music composer as I was told, he sells musical instruments and teaches guitar to kids.  And oh, his hair didn't move - what is it with guys in their 40s that use hairspray?

Oh and this was the guy that they said was perfect for me. Who are they kidding - I don't think at this point the match maker has a clue.

Lets see to sum this up:

Booger Boy - he tried to sell the fact that he makes lots and lots of money and has a messed up cat with issues

Immature Boy - who likes to shoot cats with guns, gets up at 6am to watch sports and doesn't work

Old Vince Neil look alike - doesn't want kids, is way too old for me, hairspray and just not anyone I would normally walk up to and want to meet.

I think I might have better luck just walking down the street at this point or going back and dating the 20-30 age group again. As soon as this is over and I've gotten my 6 dates over with, I'm writing the corporate office.

12:40:17 AM    comment []  

First date with a Its Just Lunch match and they still don't get me at all. I'm not really into guys that wear izod shirts or loafers with their jeans. This guy was just odd, my sister thinks he's gay and just doesn't know it yet - she could be right. He talked and talked about his ex-girlfriend and how he got the cat in the breakup and the cat has abandonment issues because she got the cat in a breakup and previously the guy she was with got the cat in a breakup, no wonder the poor cat has abandonment issues - no one keeps him, just passed around like an old shirt between breakups. He told me about his job - boring, energy analysis manager and how he has his ivy league MBA - so didn't impress me at all. I really don't care about that stuff. Ooooo, the most awful part, the guy really needs to trim his nose hairs, ick. And he said he lied on the application - his hobbies - he likes to read sports stuff, he likes to watch sports movies and he likes to do sports. I mean come on really - anyone that knows me - I do not like sports, I don't read about sports, I don't go to sports events and I like sports movies if there is a romance or drama involved but in general, I not a sports fanatic. They told me he likes hiking, he told me not really.

And then I spend about 5 hours with my sister and brother-in-law and niece and got lectured about my habits and my exercise habits and eating habits and my hours, geez, I get lectured enough from my mom I don't need it from my sister and brother-in-law. My niece was cute though, she's adorable, its funny she has my eyes and hair. My sister and her husband kept telling me she looks like my baby pictures.

So Tuesday - I'm going back to Its Just for Lunch and meeting the director and telling her that the girl she is looking at is not the girl that she keeps matching up - I don't know who she is matching up with these dates but it ain't me.

1:51:43 PM    comment []  

I know I said the trials of dating series was probably ending but I have to add an update to date number 2 "r". Its been 3 years since I've last heard from him and he emailed - said one night, nothing more, nothing less..sure why the hell not, I thought he was yummy back then and damn, he got delicious, I was in a weird mood that night I emailed him back and said sure why the hell not..so over the course of 3 months we've been trying to hook up - between my schedule and his schedule that was hard and we almost almost made it and then he freaked again...geezzzzzzzzzz..you'd think I'd learn my lesson..

let me back up a sec here..we talked on the phone for a couple of hours one night and I remembered why I'd like this guy in the first place 3 odd years ago. We text messaged each other for a couple of days back and forth. We're alot alike and honestly nothing more, nothing less - although definetly more than one night. He let me get another little glimpse into his life and who he is and then BAM, he stopped writing back, stopped communicating...

and I'm back to my original theory: (1) he either got freaked out again (2)he only wanted to get laid which is what he was going to get  (3)he is still a jerk.  Maybe he'll comment again and tell me which one it is this time.

Then again, maybe I'll just hear from him again 3 years from now.....oooo, maybe he'll get more yummy...

what i don't get is why does he freak? seriously he's missing out here, get to know me, I might be someone he'd like, we seem to like the same things

3:27:41 AM    comment []  

I've learned quite a few things about myself through this last date, some days I wish I could rewind and start over and yet I guess I wouldn't have learned these new things about myself

I talk way too much on the first date and if I really like someone its because I'm nervous and now I will learn to shut up and listen.

conventional - I am not and if you're not interested at least have the guts to say you're not instead of ignoring emails and phone calls. I will never follow conventional rules of anything including so-called dating protocols and while it might seem that I'm manic or weird, I'll keep writing emails til I get a response. I question everything and I can't just let something go because I'm always left wondering what if - so if there is no what ifs - tell me straight and then I can let it go.

so in passing, he wasn't interested, good to know. hope his life turns out the way he wants and he finds the right person that wants whatever it is he wants and likes him for who he is and not the image of a guitarist and likes his music. I think he's losing out here but that's just my opinion.

and while I think dating has its points, I'm not forever into being on match so I can just get a date for Friday night, well, one I usually work late on Friday nights but the point is, I'm looking for something more. I am looking for what all my friends have, that relationship that makes me giddy just thinking about him, that relationship that will last.

I'm trying way to hard to find that person, I need to relax and let magick happen.

6:20:56 PM    comment []  

**update* moving this to the dating category - actually I don't want it on my home page and its a lesson learned in the world of dating, plus I realized a few things:

why didn't he call to see if I was ok?

conventional - I am not and if you're not interested at least have the guts to say you're not instead of ignoring emails and phone calls. I will never follow conventional rules of anything including so-called dating protocols and while it might seem that I'm manic or weird, I'll keep writing emails til I get a response. I question everything and I can't just let something go because I'm always left wondering what if - so if there is no what ifs - tell me straight and then I can let it go

so in passing, he wasn't interested, good to know. hope his life turns out the way he wants and he finds the right person that wants whatever it is he wants.

the original message to H

how to convey what I'm feeling inside, I am so pissed off at myself right now, i feel soooooooooo bad inside.

I was to meet "h" last night at 7:30 at the Muddy Waters. I left my client's site at 7pm which is plenty of time or so I thought to get to from downtown to mission/castro area but I couldn't find parking for almost an hour and when I finally did, it took me 15mins to walk to Muddy Waters and he was gone. I was so frustrated looking for a spot, I might have missed a couple. I got turned around trying to find one and keep my bearings about where I was and then ended up parking in a place I could probably get a ticket and with my luck last night, i figured I would.

I sent him two emails and left a message saying I was sorry. It is so not like me. I always show up, I admit, I'm always late but never that late. I guess its up to him to give me another chance. I still would really really really like to see him again and I hope he understands and gives me a second chance.

but I don't know how to convey how fucking sorry I am and that in the pit of my stomach, I feel so incredibly bad about last night because I feel like the biggest jerk and things happen and I just could not find a parking spot. Wouldn't you know as soon as I walked back to my car and headed back to work, there was so many spots available right by the coffee shop

my mom reminded me of one night i was suppose to be at a family dinner thing and I left the house an hour and half before I had to be in the city, it was raining that night and there were 3 accidents on 80 on the way to the restaurant and then I couldn't find this obscure restaurant and by the time I got there - 2 hours later, they had already ordered their food. I felt bad then but not as bad as I feel right now.

so H - if you're reading this, call me because I'd really like to see you again.

3:26:47 PM    comment []  

love has no perspective on time, place, age or location.  love can be tricky especially since he lives in Kansas and I live here. those daily messages just to say hi, just to check in with each other, its so sweet. we have talked via webcam and IMs and we have talked on the phone. and he is coming out here sometime this summer to visit - at first I think it was to see if this is really real but as we have talked and gotta to know each other, its real, I've fallen in love with him and him me.  He has sent me cards via the internet that make me want to cry because they were so sweet. He likes me just the way I am. And I like him just the way he is except I want him here instead of there. I was hoping for some roses on my birthday but I got this cute little card that reminded of him completely. There are days were I have this overwhelming desire to kiss him and wish I could go there but I know that this love is true and eventually we will be together. He doesn't like talking on the phone but he's getting better and he could call me too when he wants to talk. I want to feel his arms around me and hold his hand and kiss him..i'm in love.

12:42:16 AM    comment []