Electric Venom

New Venomous Home!

Wed, 12 Mar 2003 05:09:46 GMT

It's official: I've moved. Check out my new site at www.electricvenom.com. You'll have to excuse the drabness while I settle in, but please be sure to come!

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Sun, 09 Mar 2003 20:58:41 GMT

While I wait for the problems caused by my Former Host from Hell to clear up so I can link my Radio Userland site to my new host (who has floored me already with their incredible customer service and great prices), thought I'd post for future snide remarks.

Apparently, there's a woman in England who has taught her squirrel to waterski. She says that it's much like training a husband: you have to tell them the same thing over and over again and praise the hell out of them.

Bull. What woman hasn't told her husband at least 100 times not to leave the seat up on the toilet?

Which leads me to think that creatures who spend their lives seeking nuts are clearly much smarter than creatures who spend their lives playing with them.

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Sunrise on the water

Thu, 06 Mar 2003 16:49:03 GMT

This is my favorite time of the morning, when the beauty of the ocean just outside my windows coyly reveals itself. When I first took my coffee out to the lanai, I was surrounded by a night pierced only by radiant stars and the occasional headlights of a poor soul driving by on his way to work. Waves broke on the sand in a womb-like, muted roar. And then slowly, teasingly, the faintest of lines separating the water and sky emerged. Just a hint, really, a slight distinction between black and blue, so nearly imperceptible that I fixated upon it, stared at it, and wondered if I was imagining it.

Before my coffee had even cooled enough to drink, the faint line became vivid as the horizon lit up with the crimson herald of the rising sun. For the briefest of moments, it looked as if the world was on fire. Streaks of orange and red shot through the black sky and bounced on the water, and everything joined in this one moment in time to celebrate and reflect the dawning of a new day.

To think that this very thing has happened for countless days, billions of years, and nothing has taken away one iota of its magic, its beauty. The same brilliance that I see today fascinated and awed my ancestors, and theirs before them, all the way back to when the first man sat on the threshold of his cave and pondered the enormity of the night sky.

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The Oblivious Gene

Thu, 06 Mar 2003 15:53:34 GMT

I wish I'd paid more attention during Biology. I'm damned curious to know which gene is responsible for a man's ability to say "I'm going to bed" and then doing just that? Women, on the other hand, announce that we're going to bed and then spend the next 15 minutes making sure the kitchen sink is empty, the counters are wiped up, crap's put away in the rest of the house and the kids are warmly tucked under the covers. And then that whole 10-minute bathroom ritual commences. Hell, sometimes I think I might as well start getting ready for bed the instant I get up in the morning.

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George and Saddam play football

Thu, 06 Mar 2003 01:05:14 GMT

I've been getting a big kick out of Gravelbrain ever since Hubby e-mailed me a link to their site. (Ah, the 21st century marriage). Be sure to check out George and Saddam. You'll love it!
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24 and the Axis of Evil

Thu, 06 Mar 2003 00:39:06 GMT

Today I've been thinking a lot about President Bush's "axis of evil," which lumped North Korea, Iraq and Iran together and confounded us all at the time. Maybe I've been watching too much 24 these days. The plot of last night's episode, in which it was discovered that three unnamed Middle Eastern countries had conspired to purchase a nuclear bomb and detonate it in L.A., didn't sound that far-fetched, did it?

Then, I opened up this morning's paper and learned that North Korea's plutonium production will soon be churning out approximately 1 nuclear weapon per month. This, in addition to the 2 which the CIA estimates the North Koreans already possess.

Meanwhile in Iraq, Hussein continues to drag his feet on compliance. Sure, he's destroying Al Samoud 2 missiles. He wasn't supposed to have them in the first place. Rather than acknowledge this fact, Hussein calls the destruction order a ploy designed to demoralize the Iraqis before a US-led attack. Meanwhile, he's apparently ordered the manufacture of more Al Samoud 2 missiles, according to Colin Powell.

THIS is what Blix calls increased cooperation? Odd. At the same time, Blix indicates there are still 29 non-compliance "issue clusters" that Iraq has yet to address. So he's mapped out an inspection plan so the UN inspectors can continue doing just what they've been doing all the way through this summer.

And let's not forget that third point in the "axis of evil," Iran. They've been busy trying to buy US-made arms through smugglers while working on their own nuclear weapons program.

So, let's see... it's March now. The UN plan goes through August. That's 5 months. I'm not very good at math, but even I can figure out that if Blix were to get his way, North Korea would've produced five (5) nuclear weapons and Iran's totals will be unknown by the time the UN Inspectors realized that looking for compliance out of Iraq is about as painful as, well, looking for nuclear bombs in a desert.

Hmm...

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All That Glitters

Wed, 05 Mar 2003 23:13:10 GMT

As diamonds, dead loved ones are forever [Chicago Sun-Times]

This puts a really sick twist on the whole notion of diamonds being a girl's best friend.

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List: 10 Free Bodily Pleasures

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 23:15:18 GMT

Knowing that Bloggers like lists (and in the hope of improving the hits and discussions around here), I thought I'd post one for your amusement.

Top 10 Free Bodily Pleasures... Read More?

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Today's Venomous News

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 18:26:27 GMT

Seven screens of news in my aggregator this morning, and this is all that could be remotely considered newsworthy:

Does this place have room service? Bin Laden aide is guest of CIA somewhere, according to the Chicago Sun Times. They call this place "Hotel California." Naturally I'm humming "You can check out any time you like/But you can never leave...."

Brits Keeping a Stiff Upper Lip... BBC News boldly reports on research documenting millions hooked on alcohol who can't make it through the day without a drink. What, that's a problem?

...And maybe some other stiff things: New pub laws in Britain would allow children of any age into lap dancing clubs without an adult.

Let me by that man a pint and a lap dance.... Oscar Levant once said "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." [Quotes of the Day].

I'll drink to that.

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Duh.

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 23:34:27 GMT

U.S. Warns That a War With Iraq Could Bring New Attacks. Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said today that "there will be more threats, there are more threats, if we go to war." By The Associated Press. [New York Times: NYT HomePage]
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Confession on the Go

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 22:36:41 GMT

Guess this means it doesn't count if I have my Sims attend Mass, huh?

Catholic bishops in Philippines nix confessions by e-mail, SMS. A spokesperson for the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines said yesterday that confessions submitted by mobile text messaging, e-mail, or similar electronic means are "unacceptable." The pace of SMS and mobile communications adoption in the Philippines is among the highest worldwide. Confessing sins via text messaging and wireless e-mail has become a growing trend among younger Catholics in the country, but the Church does not approve.

Link to Philippine Star story, Thanks to Boing Boing Blog.

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Beers Cans Self

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 21:55:58 GMT

Official Hired to Improve U.S. Image Resigns. Charlotte Beers, the former advertising executive, is quitting her State Department job after 17 months of mixed reviews. By David Stout. [New York Times: NYT HomePage]

Hell, I didn't even know we had a PR person. I guess that says volumes about her job performance.

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Drugs, Drop-Outs and Democrats in Hawai'i

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 20:40:22 GMT

When I tell folks that I live in Hawai'i, the response is almost always a predictable sigh of envy. I know what they're thinking: days spent lounging under coconut palms at the side of the beach, the womb-warm water lapping on skin warmed by the tropical sun, someone playing ukelele in the background while a scantily clad girl passes out mai tais.

That's not the Hawai'i that I live in. If you haven't been here since the early 80's, or if you've never ventured outside of Waikiki for anything longer than a car drive up to the North Shore, you haven't really been to Hawai'i. That idyllic place of old Bob Hope movies and awful Baywatch reunion shows doesn't exist. Paradise always gets screwed up when humans are involved. Remember Adam and Eve?

Here's a piece of Hawai'ian trivia I bet you didn't know: the overwhelming majority of our children are currently destined to be uneducated drug addicts. So many, in fact, that the state can't do a damned thing about it.

Our schools suck. Private schools are the rule here, rather than the exception. Which means the public schools are populated by kids whose parents can't afford private school or don't care about their kid's education, or both.

Drugs are rampant here. Hawai'i has the worst crystal meth problem in the nation. Here in the tropics, we call it "ice." Ironic, huh? Almost without exception, our prisoners are ice addicts and, not surprisingly, the overwhelming majority of burglaries, robberies and auto theft are related to turning stolen goods into ice.

Raids on drug houses are common-place on the Big Island of Hawai'i but not on O'ahu, where I live, or any of the other neighboring islands. Why? Because it's too big for our police to handle. Because sometimes our police are part of the problem. Because we are a state that is spread out over several islands separated by hundreds of miles of water. Because cities like congested, concrete-filled Waikiki are surprisingly much easier to patrol (and are consequently patrolled far better) than rural communities like mine.

And yet rural areas like mine are havens for drug manufacturers. Here, our police officers drive their own cars during duty because the department can't afford to buy any more. Our kids take the public bus to school because the school district doesn't have its own bus system. The public library is housed at the nearby high school, and the nearest fire department is two towns (and 25 minutes) away.

This is the real Hawai'i. This is where drug dealers set up shop in the jungle along booby-trapped trails. This is where the foliage is so lush, you almost don't notice the 6-foot high marijuana plants growing just a few yards off the road. This is where unemployment is so rampant and homelessness so common that our beach parks are populated with semi-permanent tent cities packed with two and sometimes three families per tent.

What to do? Our legislators have been coming up with ideas like drug testing students and punishing parents whose children skip school. I'm all in favor of both.

But wait! Before I get a slew of e-mail from bleeding-heart liberals condemning my perpetually conservative politics, let me tell you another piece of Hawai'ian trivia that I bet you didn't know: It's the Democrats who came up with these ideas. Our legislature is overwhelmingly populated by Democrats. Our governors have been exclusively Democrats until this last election when we finally -- finally! -- got a Republican in the governor's mansion. (And as another first: a woman!)

Guess it just goes to show you that even Democrats start thinking clearly when the problems get bad enough.

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New Job Blues

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 17:17:30 GMT

Ridge Discovers Size of Home Security Task. The nation's secretary of homeland security, Tom Ridge, faces the challenge of merging 22 agencies into one superdepartment. By Philip Shenon. [New York Times: NYT HomePage]

What, he thought the job was going to be a breeze?

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Iranian Cybersex

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 17:08:48 GMT

Iranians arrested for net dating. Dozens of young Iranians are detained for having "illegal relations" after using a website to chat and arrange meetings. [BBC News | Technology | UK Edition]

File this under the heading "If we aren't getting any, let's make getting some illegal."

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Picking a Terrorist's Mind

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 16:36:43 GMT

Getting inside suspect's head [Chicago Sun-Times]

This headline immediately made me recall a scene in the movie Hannibal, you know the one where Anthony Hopkins picks Ray Liotta's brain, literally?

Come to think of it, that just may do the trick!

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Heavy Breathing

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 16:22:29 GMT

Mobiles used to monitor asthma. Asthma sufferers are trying out new technology to monitor their condition via a mobile phone. [BBC News | Technology | UK Edition]

Ok, Acidman, now you have an excuse to keep calling women and breathing heavily on the phone.

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NSA News

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 16:14:24 GMT

Leaked NSA email exposes UN bugging offensive. Giving US policymakers an edge... [The Register]

There goes the edge.

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A Quiz: Are you a Hypocrite?

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 05:49:20 GMT

3 Arab nations call for Saddam to resign [Chicago Sun-Times]

Friends like these illustrate that old Proverb about the road to hell being paved with good intentions.

This war isn't about East vs. West. As thinking humans, we have to rally and rise over the "war/anti-war" concept that abstracts and trivializes the human lives already lost, and those that will be lost, in this campaign against tyranny. This war isn't about religions; it's not another Crusade. There is room enough in even the smallest of suburban backyards for Christians, Muslims, Jews and Buddhists, for Agnostics, Pagans, Wiccans, and Satanists.

This war is about what is to be tolerated, and what's not.

It's about what is universally right, and what is universally wrong.

Yep, you read that right. I'm talking about universal truth. I'm talking "absolutes." As unfashionable as it may be in this world of moral relativism where we're all historical revisionists who cater to political correctness (because that fluttering in the pits of our stomachs tells us we shouldn't really utter the first words that came to our lips), there are moral absolutes. There are such things as right and wrong.

So, for those who are still on the fence about the "justness" of this war, here's a quiz:

Under what circumstances is it morally permissible to dunk other humans in acid and watch their bodies corrode?
Under what circumstances is it morally permissible to attempt the annihilation of a society based solely upon their ethnicity or geographical location?
Under what circumstances is it morally permissible to kill not just those who disagree with you but their spouses, children and parents?
Under what circumstances is it morally permissible to intentionally direct your weapons against non-combatant civilian men, women and children?

Adding up scores: Give yourself one point for each time you said "none." For each answer besides "none," give yourself +1 point.

The Correct Answers:

None. Humanity is precious. We can't know today who will become the geniuses of tomorrow. Life that is conceived is entitled to fulfill its innate potential. (This is also why I believe that abortion is wrong but I believe in a woman's right to choose.... Go ahead, ask me why. I'd love to give you my 2+ page diatribe without ever once contradicting the above statement, although I doubt you have the cohones to read it.)
None. Any other answer contradicts the answer to Question Number 1 and excuses the savagery of Hitler, Idi Amin and Milosovec.
None. Any other answer condones the actions of the Taliban, in addition to those of Saddam Hussein, Idi Amin, Milosovec and countless other despots who came before them.
None. See explanation for Answer Number Three.

Interpreting Your Score:

1-4: You are a would-be dictator. If you provided any answer but "none" to any of the four preceeding questions, you have acknowledged that under certain circumstances it is legitimate to carry out actions against the innocent in the pursuit of goals one believes to be important. By answering in this fashion, you have acknowledged that (1) you believe the end justifies the means, provided that (2) you support the end. Translation: You are a would-be dictator who would compel others to live according to your standards and, like Hussein, you would attempt to rationalize your efforts under the guise of some movement "bigger than you."

My interpretation: You're a shit. Go ahead, try to logically prove me wrong. I dare you. I'll bet you can't give me an answer that doesn't involve moral relativism, the concept that something is moral under one set of circumstances but not another. If so, explain the circumstances in which you feel the above-described action is justified. Then answer this: if our country were to act in the ways mentioned above, would you believe we were right?

0: If you answered "none" to the above questions, then you believe in moral absolutes, too. Consider yourself an enlightened human being, although enlightenment, like being, is never complete until your life is done. Read. Learn. Discard what they told you to think. Then think some more. Just as our nation should never again grow complacent in its effort to guard our borders against the incursion of those determined to do us harm, you should never grow complacent in your vigilance to exist as creatures capable of distinguishing right from wrong.

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You Want Fries with That Grunt?

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 04:47:58 GMT

McDonald's Trying to Regain Ground After Years at Top. While it is still the nation's most-visited fast- food chain, McDonald's is facing an undeniable decline. By Sherri Day. [New York Times: NYT HomePage]

Hmmm... maybe they should try this one on for a Super-Size: the food tastes like shit. Grown-ups pay for the food. To get grown-ups to buy, the food has to taste better.

Logic. It's almost as rare of a commodity as multiple orgasms.

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Letting go of the Past

Sun, 02 Mar 2003 23:40:49 GMT

I am thinking today of those timless lyrics of Elton John's song, "Someone Saved My Life Tonight": You almost had your hooks in me, didn't you dear? / Altar bound. Hypnotized./ Sweet freedom whispered in my ear / You're a butterfly / And butterflies are free to fly / Fly away....

Now, I'll admit that on a normal day I despise everything that Elton John stands for. That's the Republican in me. But today was anything but normal. Today was one of those days when sappy yet direct lyrics found a welcome audience in my brain and bounced from one synapse to the other. I woke up in an introspective mood and have been unable to shake it since. Today, estrogen has been in the driver's seat and my thoughts have gone along for the ride.

The main thing that I hate about days like this (aside from the fact that I'm forced to concede to at least temporarily thinking like most other women) is that they make me a sucker for all things sentimental. My husband knows this. Disproving my general theory about male intelligence, he reserves his rare displays of thoughtfulness for mornings when my monthly cycle, my hormones, the moon rising, the planets' alignment and all of the other various cosmic forces all coincide to change me from being a mean-spirited, jaded but straight-shooting Venomous Bitch into a hair-twirling, self-conscious twit who cries those Sally Struther commercials about starving children (as if the food she apparently consumes on a daily basis to maintain her Miss Piggy physique couldn't feed an entire freakin' village) and frets about whether my toddler's resistance to potty-training is linked to my decision to stop breast-feeding at 3 months when I went to work for a short stint as counsel to one of the nation's leading car manufacturers.

Yeah, it's days like today that make me realize that I'd have to think a hell of a lot less if I had a penis.

It all started when I got online this morning. I'd intended to blog, to catch up on the news, to blast through my e-mail and, when my son woke up, to start on my hap-hap-happy day. I'd gotten as far as having my first cigarette on the lanai and finishing my coffee, then opened my browser and watched my day go to hell.

See, the first thing that I found when I went to check in here was a popup from one of those high-school reunion sites. Five minutes later, I was looking at a list of names I hadn't thought about in nearly 20 years. Talk about a weird sensation. Although I threw out my yearbooks years ago, it wasn't hard remembering some of the faces that went with the names. There was the knock-out that all of the boys lusted after. There were the boys that lusted after her. There was the quiet girl whose family owned chickens and pigs but not a t.v., whose clothes were always handmade like the bread in the vegetarian sandwiches she brought for lunch every day. There was the boy we all beat up on in grade school until he showed up one day in junior high, bigger and taller than half of the teachers at the school. And there was the fat girl, Bessie, whose parents had given her a name which seemed to have pre-destined her to be fat.

Of course, the site wasn't really free. They teased. They showed a little but held back the good stuff. They wanted more before you could have it all. Yeah, I remember pulling that crap in high school, too.

I debated for a long time whether to sign up for the Gold Membership. It's only $34, I reasoned. Hell, I spend more magazines and newspapers in one week. But something held me back. Something just wouldn't let me whip out my well-worn credit card. And then, after walking away from the computer and coming back to it again and again, I finally realized why. Read more

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