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Hand Forged Vessels
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Saturday, June 28, 2003 |
This morning my son and I were discussing education. Talk of high school and college options led to talk about self education. After he left, it crossed my mind to make a little net of what I'd most like to learn now. That led to another net, of things I'd also like to learn - which led to another net....
I put all 29 things I'd like to learn into my favorite online prioritizer. As usual with the prioritizer, I got some surprises when I really had to compare each item with every other item and decide which I'd rather learn. It's no surprise that I "haven't gotten around to" learnng Spanish and German, nor to starting a garden again. And it doesn't look as if I'll be studying early art history anytime soon.
By cutting off the top of the list at 7 items (theoretically the maximum number of items the human mind can deal with at one time), I got a list of what I can actually focus on learning now. The top three have to do with life and health and vitality rather than art:
1. Presence (See The Power of Now)
2. Upper body wellness (as with Conquering Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.)
3. Pilates (I'm using the Body Control approach.)
4. Vision & art (going on from Arnheim, Margaret Livingstone)
5. Composition (related of course to vision & art - Hofmann studies and more)
6. Photo editing (mostly using PaintShopPro but perhaps exploring other software too)
7. Photographing artwork (learning to use my light meter, new photo light setup - practicing, practicing, practicing - and incorporating what I'm learning about vision and art, and composition.)
8. I decided to combine studying vision & art with studying composition - so I can get "color and color mixing" onto the list of 7. When I'm experimenting with color and learning more about pigments and painting, it really adds a dimension of elation to my life. So I want this on the top 7 list.
This gives me a great sense of priority in learning and daily activities. Most days, I'll have time to do something to learn in all 7 areas. But on a day when I don't, my priority is clear: Presence.
Ongoing daily activities:
I prioritized these too. Again, art falls lower on the list than I expected. This happened before. At some point I guess I'll believe myself!
1. Connection, Presence, aliveness
2. Bodywork (stretches for hand, wrist, elbow, shoulder, plus Pilates)
3. Developing as an artist
4. Observing nature
5. Making art
6. Selling art
7. Improving space (fixing things, decluttering, adding storage, etc.)
Life goals: (less surprising - these stay pretty stable over time)
1. Presence, aliveness, "That State of Mind"
2. Health, vitality, body comfort
3. Make bowls that embody energies of aliveness, presence, connection
4. New Yorker cartoon artist (i.e. draw cartoons that the New Yorker publishes regularly)
5. Access to wilderness
6. Dream Studio
7. Financial comfort
8. Sell bowls in New York gallery plus (i.e. sell bowls in NY gallery that's enthusiastic, sells bowls for high prices, also in galleries in LA, SF, Chicago, Philadelphia, etc.)
I may comment on all this more. Meanwhile, I highly recommend using the prioritizer. You might get some surprises yourself.
6:04:40 PM 
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Wednesday, June 25, 2003 |
Today was another day that was pretty flowing. Several times, though, I caught myself starting to push for a decision on what to do next. I'd have a moment of not exactly panic, but not peace either - sort of a catch or glitch. "Uh-oh! I'm not sure what to do next! Uh-oh! Need a decision! Do X, or Y? How can I tell?"
Observing this, I backed off and instead of speeding into a decision, slowed into more quiet. Each time, in a minute or two I'd know what to do next. This felt good. I even surprised myself by taking up a project I've been dreading to do, and doing it with peaceful enjoyment.
10:44:06 PM
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Sunday, June 22, 2003 |
Yesterday the Summer Solstice arrived at 3:27 p.m. in my area. In the morning I wondered what kind of "harvest" I'm celebrating this year. What's growing? Couldn't think of much.
In the afternoon, it dawned on me that this year's harvest seems to be an art life - real time in the studio, all day in the studio - and an approach to art that gives me time to relax, contemplate, wander, experiment. OK, that's a good harvest!
Then today, I finished reading The Power of Now (see below) and know that it goes deeper than "just" an art life. I've been wanting my bowls to embody a kind of full aliveness and presence. Yes, it's possible - and for me too. Now!
11:08:25 PM
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I just read Eckhart Tolle's book, The Power of Now. Sat outside in the woods today and finished it. Now I'd like to read it again from the start. What a wonderful book! It's about presence - being - letting go of "psychological time" - using the mind as a tool rather than letting the mind run us.
Oddly enough, I saw this book in my local grocery store. It's one of those grocery stores that has a big book section. I'd heard of the book. Picked it up, glanced inside, read a couple of sentences about "psychological time" and put it in my shopping cart.
What a relief to have this book at hand! I can't recommend it highly enough. It's the kind of book that opens a door into the soul - into full life.
11:02:22 PM
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Saturday, June 21, 2003 |
Dreamed that I kept renting a certain cabin, so I could have time and privacy to write. In the last scene, the one I remembered most clearly on waking, I said to the man at the reception desk, "I'm back!" He told me I could have my favorite cabin, cabin #1, if I could be ready to leave early Monday morning so other people could move in. I said "Sure."
Woke with a pleasant feeling about the dream, wondering what on earth it could mean. Do I want to be a writer? This was an earlier aspiration. When we moved to the north Georgia woods in 1982, my intention was to write and forge iron. Later, around 1985 or '86, blacksmithing became more important to me than writing so I decided to concentrate on that.
It seems more likely that the dream is telling me to give myself more secluded, private weekends. It occurred to me later in the day that I could easily skip checking my email, art forums, and news groups on the weekends. There's less activity then anyway. Computer coaching clients don't expect to reach me on the weekends. Why not take this opportunity to concentrate?
10:52:20 PM
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Friday, June 20, 2003 |
Have discovered Pilates (pronounced in a funny way: pill-ah'-tees.) I bought two books on this a year or two ago and learned one "wall roll-down" exercise that often helped me when my butt started aching. Now I've started really using one of the books in earnest. It's from the UK: Body Control, by Lynne Robinson et al. I like the slow and gradual approach in this book. After a few sessions from the book, I ordered a DVD from the same authors. Tonight I watched the introduction and did the warmup session that they recommend as the short version to use. I really didn't want to stop there. I like this a lot. I recommend getting the book first, though, because there are details in the book not mentioned in the DVD, as far as I can tell so far.
Just from starting to learn to breathe differently, and use different abdominal muscles than usual, I feel different - and better. This is going to work for me. I'm making this my main bodywork approach now.
The weight-lifting continues to make my right hand and wrist ache, so I'm going to stop for a while. From the Ganoskin Orchid mailing list, I learned about a book of stretching exercises that have really worked for many people with similar aches. It's called Conquering Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, by Sharon J. Butler. (Subtitle is "And Other Repetitive Strain Injuries."
The book arrived yesterday and I started right in. The approach makes sense to me, looks ultra safe, and has worked for others. I'm confident that I can restore comfort to my hands - and lots more mobility to my wrist, elbow, and shoulder. I realize now that I'm still pretty far from being fully healed from breaking my elbow, even though the wires were removed over a year ago.
I feel happy about doing both the Pilates sessions and the upper body stretching. The two are going to work together well. Should provide some cartoon ideas along the way.
11:31:23 PM
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Tuesday, June 17, 2003 |
Every once in a while it's a good idea to write one's own obituary, just to get a sense of what's important. This is the shortest one I've ever written for myself. I like it a lot. I notice that I've given myself a longer life than usual too.
Obituary:
Catherine Jo Morgan died peacefully in her sleep last night at the age of 105. Still an active artist, Catherine was known for her vivid paintings and collages, iron and mixed media bowls, and New Yorker cartoons. Friends and art associates have long enjoyed her sense of humor, adventure, and vitality. “No one was more alive than Cathy,” said one, “and she enjoyed every moment. I’ve never known anyone happier. The older she got, the more radiant she became.”
(Note: Since the internet can be a strange place, let me make it clear that I'm not in fact dead. This obituary is just a free-writing exercise to clarify my values and direction in life. There must be a cartoon idea here somewhere though....)
7:55:24 PM
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Over the weekend I did some internet research on dehumidifiers. Yesterday I called the company that offered the most information. Saving myself a few days or weeks of agonizing over a decision, I ordered the same day! Great. I learned something from the way letting orders drag on, has sapped my creative energy in the past.
This morning I saw the folder of information I'd gathered on different brands and models. It was pretty thick. And - guess what? I threw out all but the one piece of paper that described the model I bought, with the phone number, price, etc. Wow! That's progress! I didn't wait a year or two to notice that I no longer needed any of that other information. Hurray!
12:24:59 PM
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Sunday, June 15, 2003 |
I was starting to plan out a production schedule for the paper and iron bowls, based on having figured out how many days it will take to complete the coats of paint and varnish. (In case you're curious, the base coats, acrylic coloring, and clear varnish will take 6 weeks - or if I really push and do 2 sessions/day when weather permits, 4 weeks. That includes 2 one-week drying periods.)
I began to wonder if I was on the right track. So I paid another visit to my Dream Studio, where I consulted my 80-year-old Self as usual.
Visit:
Cathy (C): I'm in conflict about whether or not to aim at doing groups of paper and iron bowls in two-month periods. It looks as if it can be done - but 2 1/2 to 3 months would be more comfortable. Basically it's a question of whether or not to push myself some, to get more pieces done in a year.
Older Cathy (OC): Why do you want to get more pieces done in a year?
C: Well, the more I can do, the better my chances of earning a living this way.
OC: Bad idea. Wrong motive.
C: OK. Now that I say it that way, I see that it's not a good idea. So do I set any production goals at all? Think in terms of groups?
OC: For organizing your space and knowing how long drying areas will be occupied, what you're doing is fine. Right now your drying space is your limiting factor. It's the push to work faster that I question.
What I'd like to see is for you to work in such a way that you feel the most possible joy and delight and excitement. If you do that, then timing and quantity will take care of themselves.
C: OK. May I ask one other thing?
OC: Of course.
C: Last night I dreamed that I was fired from my job. In the dream my job seemed to be a combination of odd things - making databases for clients, teaching large art workshops on digital art, etc. I was fired when I told our boss that I sometimes felt paranoid - that he seemed to pay attention only to the employees who were his relatives, his cousins. He just went "hmph" and fired me. Today when I look at how long my bowl sculptures take to make, it seems impossible that I can just do these and earn a living - not for another four or five years if then. My question is -is it totally foolish and absurd to think I can do art fulltime now?
OC: It's a good idea to do it.
C: Make doing art full out my primary focus? Even without financial security doing it?
OC: You can be so irritating at times! Yes! Yes! Yes! How definite do I have to be?
C: I think I've got it.
OC: I hope so!
C: OK. Doing art fulltime, full out - yes. OK. Thanks!
9:49:04 PM
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Saturday, June 14, 2003 |
This morning I woke up happy, remembering a cheerful dream. In the dream we were moving to a bigger house. I was exploring the house, finding room after room that pleased me. It was a fairly old house I think, but with lots of big rooms.
After all my concern with making my 8x10' "clean studio" (that I call the Nest) usable again, I guess it's not surprising that I'd dream of lots and lots of space.
I think the dream means more than that, though. I felt it as an affirmation of moving into several new media - doing collage again, starting to paint "real paintings," doing cartoons again - as well as the bowls. Also, perhaps clearing out so much of my studio belongings has made new space in myself, and that's what the dream is about.
Toward the end of the dream, I'd discovered a beautifully carpeted second floor, then small winding wooden stairs leading to an attic. I climbed up these stairs till I could get a glimpse of the attic - a full height room with lots of storage space. I saw some chairs up there. But I didn't go completely up into the attic. I felt uneasy about it. I'm not sure why. There was plenty of light, the stairs felt solid, and the wood was a beautiful golden oak.
I think I recall Gayle Delaney suggesting that attics can represent the superego? I think the attic could use a bit more thought. Maybe there are "shoulds" stored up there that I'm reluctant to examine? I wonder why it was chairs that I saw up there?
I could do the "active imagination" technique and go up to see the attic while awake but very relaxed. I used to have a book by Robert Johnson that taught me this technique. I thought of this earlier in the day but haven't done it yet.
Here's a suggestion from an online dream interpetation dictionary, about what an attic might mean in a dream:
Stored clothes and furniture may reflect unused potential stored away through fears or discouragement. When you dream of an attic, consider making your current conditions more comfortable and balanced. If the attic is well organized and brightly lit, then you will have luck with either love or matrimony. The attic can also represent the mind, and if the attic is chaotic this will be a sign telling you to organize your thoughts for better living.
And here's from another online dream dictionary:
To see an attic in your dream, represents hidden memories or repressed thoughts that is being revealed. It also symbolize your mind, spirituality, and your connection to the higher Self. Alternatively, it signifies difficulties in your life that will hinder you from attaining your goals and aspirations. However, in the end, after a long period of struggle, you will overcome them.
To see a cluttered attic, is a sign to organize your mind and thoughts.
Hmm. Two sources suggesting that I might need to organize my mind and thoughts. Who, me?
There's another aspect to the attic stairs. The stairs had a little window, through which I could see that I was actually about to climb above the treetops. I felt awed by this.
This detail stayed with me as I walked down to the studio this morning. I thought about it. "Above the treetops" and my reluctance to go higher than that - perhaps this is about some kind of spiritual issue? Not wanting to get too far off the ground? Sometimes there's an association of creative power with flying. Maybe the attic does have some personal potential that I'm afraid to use.
Meanwhile, I feel encouraged by the dream. I feel very comfortable on the first two floors. So many rooms! Space! Room to expand!
10:48:31 PM
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"A painting is finished when to have done less would be considered a sin and more a crime." (Ted Godwin)
Ran across this quotation at Robert Genn's "clickbacks" page. If you're an artist who doesn't subscribe to Robert Genn's twice weekly letters, you're really missing something. Readers respond to his letters by email. Then Robert prints a collection of these responses on his website. With each letter you receive from Robert in your email box, you can click on the responses to the previous letter. Often readers include photos of their work. I'm usually inspired, encouraged, and helped by this stimulation.
On the same website, Robert Genn also has an enormous collection of quotations about art.
11:59:05 AM
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Wednesday, June 11, 2003 |
Here's another Visit to my Dream Studio, consulting my 80-year-old Self:
Visit re Queasiness about Direction
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Concerned about direction
I’m having cold feet about painting, collage, making prints to sell on ebay, etc. Maybe it’s all a dreadful mistake?
Visit
As I approach the Dream Studio, I’m struck by the profusion of bright flowers at the entrance. It’s sunny here. I see zinnias, bachelor buttons, all the bright flowers I’ve loved all my life. I start to feel better right away.
I knock. “Come in, I know it’s you!”
Cathy (C): I’m getting awfully anxious – have terrible pangs now that I’ve been very foolish and have bought things I never should use. Barrettes, for heaven’s sake! What was I thinking of?
Older Cathy (OC): Hmm. Maybe you were thinking you’d like to make some colorful paper barrettes to wear?
C: Well, yes, I was – now that my hair is really growing out. But – maybe this is really tacky. Cheap. Foolish.
OC: You have as much right to be tacky, cheap, and foolish as anyone else.
C: But I don’t want to be!
OC: True, you’d prefer to be superior, but you’ll have more fun being tacky, cheap, and foolish.
C: (grinning) OK. Well, I’m also scared about painting. What do I know about painting?
OC: Less than you’ll know after you’ve done more.
C: I’ve got to start somewhere?
OC: If this is something you want to do, do it!
C: You paint?
OC: Yes, and make collages, and bowls, and cartoons, and the occasional barrette. Don’t make such a big deal out of all this! Just make your art and have a great time doing it.
C: What about the finances, though? I’m getting scared suddenly, reading the art message boards and reading that Ebay sales are way down. Maybe I won’t be able to sell any of my work, and I’ll just go deeper into debt.
OC: If I were you, I’d concentrate on the artmaking itself for a while. If reading the art message boards discourages you, stop reading them. You’re feeling a little anxious right now because you’ve spent two weeks clearing out space and haven’t been making any art. Once you get back into artmaking, you’ll feel better.
C: I feel a little panicky about money, though.
OC: Calm yourself. You’ll have everything you need.
C: What if I’m foolish and don’t deserve what I need?
OC: You’ll still have everything you need.
C: Really?
OC: Really.
C: OK. I don’t have to be wise, prudent, smart, clever?
OC: No.
C: Well, that’s a relief. OK, I think I can enjoy myself now. Thanks!
11:15:20 PM
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The room looks dark because I was just leaving, and all the lights are off. And the camera is exposing for the bright outdoors, too. Here's one more picture of the drawing board area. The big dark lump on the right is my cooler, which is the water supply for my "sink" (two round aluminum dishpans - one for rinse water from acrylics, the other for regular hand washing, washing my breakfast spoon, etc.). Rinse water from paint is dumped into 5-gallon buckets so I can use the Golden Paint system for removing the pigment.
10:34:39 PM
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Space! And I can see outdoors much more! The portfolios and stacks of boxes are no longer blocking half the window. Both the drawing table and the card table are clear too.
 There's no need now to go further with moving things out of the Nest, but if I need to do it later, I see how to do it. This is important because at some point this year I'll need to package bowls and paintings for delivery or shipping. And that takes materials and space too.
I'm not showing any photos of the big studio - the blacksmithing studio - because it's still piled with boxes. But I got about half of them put away this morning, and will finish tomorrow.
This morning I felt anxious for the first time in a while. Scared of plunging back into artmaking? Maybe. I'll get over it, whatever it is.
10:28:36 PM
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Monday, June 09, 2003 |
Still not quite through in the Nest, but I've made amazing progress. Today I was able to find a reasonable place for a big "trunk" full of photography lighting equipment. It had been under my drawing board, sticking out awkwardly and looking clunky and out of place. Now it looks as if it fits. All the photography equipment is now going to be easy to reach. For me, photographing my work is challenging, so the easier it is to set up, the better.
The space for the photo lights opened up when I got rid of an artist taboret that I've had for 25 years or so. It was expensive when I bought it, and new ones are still expensive today. When I first started cleaning it out today, I noticed how little of the space I really use. I thought "oh, but I paid so much for it, so I have to keep it." Then I realized how absurd this was, when space is so precious to me now. I moved it out, which let me move some sets of drawers around, and presto: space! Space! Space!
Just standing in the room now feels so different. And I can even see the bird feeder outdoors now. I can breathe! Move my arms without hitting something! Wow!
12:21:37 AM
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Thursday, June 05, 2003 |
Big progress - can open all file drawers without moving anything first - can have both tables clear - lots of blank shelf space. I'm not done yet, but the progress is amazing. My creativity coach inspired this when she mentioned that she'd totally cleared out not just her studio but her whole house - and that it made a big difference in her readiness to start a new project. (Also of course, I was inspired by an inability to reach the ventilation fan, open the paint drawer, or make space for a drying area for things I need to paint.)
Turns out that this is a MAJOR studio clearing out - the "once in ten years" kind. That's OK with me. I'm ready!
11:56:52 PM
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Tuesday, June 03, 2003 |
Midway through clearing out the Nest, I'm not quite stuck, but close. Decided to go ahead and sell my old laptop computer, scanner, Sharp organizer, etc. And I actually own a working Sparq that I can offer for sale!
The Sparq is a portable external drive, sort of like a giant zip drive that uses 1gb disks. It got rave reviews when it came out - so much storage at the time, for so little money. But there were quality problems and I ended up going through six returns before I got the one I still have. Since I was only one of many customers returning broken drives, the company soon went out of business. So there may be someone out there looking for a backup Sparq drive.
I got all the stuff to sell packed up into one box. But haven't found a place to PUT that box yet. Tomorrow I'll find a place.
Somehow in the morning I need to get some things out of the Nest so I can see if I can consolidate some molded paper bowls into one box. I think they must be so dry by now that it will be fine to do this. Just need some packing space. I've organized myself into a corner....
It's pretty encouraging, though, to see space opening up. Right now there are just small gaps, but I can see the potential for a LOT of free space!
5:38:29 PM
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Monday, June 02, 2003 |
This morning before I started reorganizing the Nest, I took some "before" photos. The "Nest" is my 8x10' "clean studio" - an insulated, sheetrocked, vinyl floored, heated, air conditioned corner of my 24x32' blacksmithing studio. I use it now for drawing, molding paper, designing, making models for sculptures, painting, and varnishing. It also has files, but last summer I moved the office up to a corner of the cabin, so the only notebooks and files left in the Nest are for artmaking reference.
However, it has been gradually getting a bit crowded. Here's one corner of the room. You see that the fliptop boxes do stack nicely:
 The white light is aimed at the drawing board, which is also covered with stuff at the moment.
Here's the opposite side of the room:
 The round plywood will go in the big studio, but I put it in here to paint. It's on a card table along with some shopping bags of small plastic boxes for hardware. You can tell in this photo that the ceiling is quite high, giving me storage high up on each wall. Once I clear some of these things out and make space here again, it will be a very pleasant place to work. Both windows look out into woods - one to the south, one to the west. When I add onto the room, I'll expand through the sliding glass doors to the south.
Now, this evening, the stacks are already much smaller. I was surprised at how many boxes were devoted to materials and tools for making models - little maquettes for larger bowl sculptures. I have two sizes of tiny paper bowls, lots of aluminum wire, polymer clay, hot glue, etc. I guess there's no point in asking a collage artist to get rid of very much.
Tonight I got some more big boxes so I can clear out some more in the morning. It's getting to be fun. After all, I'm rich in supplies - and I even know where some things are.
10:26:55 PM
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Today I started clearing out the storage areas in the blacksmithing studio, so I can move some art supplies out from the Nest (the 8x10 "clean studio.") I made a lot of headway. Discovered some things I thought I'd already given away! Obviously I can get rid of them now.
When I reorganize my stuff, I usually discover some things about my current direction. This time, I started out with the idea of putting things within fairly easy reach (even though a ladder might be needed) if I'll use them by the end of this year. I put all the glass fusing and slumping stuff way back in a high out of the way spot, so that tells me I'm not doing anything with glass this year. I do want a glass studio, but this isn't the year for it.
Tomorrow I'll be able to start moving some things out of the Nest. Last week I discovered that I can fit six of my favorite flip-top boxes (by Sterilite, #1775, about 8x13x5") into one large Sterilite storage box. The big boxes seem to be on sale right now, too. I have several tall stacks of flip-top boxes that I can pack into the larger boxes and move out to the studio.
The large boxes will keep the flip-top boxes relatively clean. If necessary I can add a bag or two of dry silica gel to each big box. Silica gel has worked well for me over the years, enabling me to store papers and other things in humid summer weather without mildew or mold.
My idea is to keep in the Nest just the things that would certainly be ruined if stored in the more hot and humid and dirty studio - and the things I'm using during any one week. Right now my impetus is to get a lot of iron painted, so I need drying space in the Nest. Actually, as it is, I don't even have painting space! Maybe I'll take a photo or two of the Nest as it is now, just as a humorous "before" picture.
It's great to be so rich in supplies, though. When I first had my blacksmithing studio built, I had almost no tools or supplies - not a single workbench - and lots and lots of empty space! Now the studio has become - ahem - a "mature" space. Crammed! I'd rather have my current problem than go back to the empty space.
Photo(s) tomorrow....
12:04:30 AM
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