|
Hand Forged Vessels
 |
Saturday, January 31, 2004 |
I just noticed how happy I am today. I started writing the photography article in the morning because I felt like doing it. Then when I was tired of working on that, I did the next thing I felt like doing. Now I'm about to go to the studio to do some things I'm eager to do.
Effortlessness feels very good indeed.
These times of relative effortlessness make me more keenly aware of what it's like when I try to use force on myself. I "should" do this. I "have to" do that. If I don't do this, I'm afraid this will happen, or that will happen. Of course, any pressure on me creates an equal and opposing force of resistance. (People in relationships quickly learn this fact of life.)
One nice thing about not using force on myself, is that I'm less tempted to try to use it on others. No, I don't pull out a gun and threaten people with it. But like all of us, I have my ways of using force. Like most liberals with a nice hippie/radical background, I can be quite subtle about it. Haven't you noticed how pressured a peacenik can make one feel?
Force can be mental - "shoulds" and "logic." Force can be emotional, as in emotional blackmail or conditional love. Force can even be spiritual, as in "I'll pray that..." or "I'll visualize you doing..." "I'll put a curse on you" is a more blatant use of spiritual force. Of course there's always physical force, but that's usually the least effective for any longterm effect.
As I grow older, I wish less to force other people to behave as I want them to do. (I just said less; I didn't say never. OK, would you believe "less than all the time?") This is partly because I've learned how often I'm wrong about the best thing to do.
This is consistently true in relation to my daughter. If I think she's making a poor choice, I can be positive that she'll turn out to be right and I'll turn out to be wrong. So I've learned to apply this to other people as well, even though they may not be as smart or wise as she.
Mostly though, I still just treasure freedom. I love feeling wild and free. I want that for us all: wild, free, effortlessness.
4:16:47 PM 
|
|
|
Thursday, January 29, 2004 |
I've been holding off writing about the book and CD set, Effortless Mastery, thinking I'll write something profound. Maybe it's not going to happen. Meanwhile, I don't want you to miss this wonderful book. So while I'm still working up to getting profound, why don't you buy the book and read it for yourself?
I kept it on my amazon.com wish list for quite a while. Wish I hadn't waited! It's probably going to be my "best book of 2004."
My "best book of 2003," by the way, was Effortless Living.
Guess you notice a certain trend here...
By the way, the CD that comes with Effortless Mastery consists of guided meditations. The book is written by a jazz musician, for other professional musicians. But it's applicable to any art form - and of course, to life.
I'll be writing more about effortlessness - and ecstasy - in days and weeks to come. Meanwhile, I hope you'll be exploring it for yourself. This book and CD set is radiant. And until you get the book in your hands, you can read some bits on the author Kenny Werner's website.
10:32:25 PM
|
|
"Le Divorce" is filmed in Paris, but it's not a French film. Based on a novel by Diane Johnson, the film is probably American, possibly British. I stress this because over and over I've mentioned that I end up disappointed with most French films - too "slice of life" or somehow weird to my American taste.
Here, differences between American and French ettiquette, attitudes, and overall culture are an important part of the film. This adds spice. The story itself is engrossing but not profound. The cast is terrific - full of stars old and new - Leslie Caron and Glenn Close, Kate Hudson, Sam Waterston. (Remember Sam Waterston from the "I'll Fly Away" series on public television?)
Painting and poetry add to the pleasure of the film. The American brother who's obsessed with money seems really out of place. Oh - and besides American vs. French culture, and painting and poetry, the film is about - a divorce. Oh, that.
It's a good film, well worth seeing. Three stars. Why not four? I'll see how much I remember tomorrow...next week. If I just remember enjoying it and not much more, it will stay three stars. Still, this isn't a JUNK FOOD film. Just tastes that good.
10:15:54 PM
|
|
According to a New York Times article online, President Bush is proposing a modest increase in funding for the National Endowment for the Arts. The increase will probably be bitterly contested. Even if it passes, the NEA will still be drastically underfunded compared with the period before the Republicans took control of Congress in 1995. And it will be underfunded compared with the support given to the arts by other developed countries.
Sometimes I've wondered if the drastic change in 1995 was one of the things that made it difficult for me to go on making art. Quite a few things happened around that time. I lost the clean studio/gallery space I'd been using. Congress declared art irrelevant and of no value to society. My beloved dog died. I felt each of these as a major blow - but I believed I was moving on despite them. Still, for me, "moving on" means making my bowls. So which do I believe? My mind, saying "I'm fine" - or what I make or don't make?
What I make or don't make, for sure. It's good to be reminded of that. The bowls don't lie - not even little white lies.
7:37:49 PM
|
|
|
Monday, January 26, 2004 |
Thanks to birdlady at the Wet Canvas "Cafe Guerbois" artist forum, I had a chance to check out a beautiful presentation called The Wonder of It All. Visit when you have a few minutes to spend contemplating some beautiful photos of natural scenes, with poetic text carrying it along. It would make a nice work break.
9:28:20 PM
|
|
|
Sunday, January 25, 2004 |
Today is another personal holiday for me: Virginia Woolf's birthday. I used to send out my holiday notes on this day, on cards with a quotation from Virginia Woolf, to honor the creative power of women. Now, years later, I no longer have any quotations in my memory.
What lingers on is the promise of going deeper into life, exploring the path of the individual. Certain women dared not only to do this but to tell us about it. So Virginia Woolf is what Mary Daly calls a "foremother."
Oh yes, then there's the "Angel of the House." This is the perfect Victorian wife, still subconsciously the prescribed role of woman - to be the ever nurturing one, taking care of the household, smoothing the way for the "real" creative work of the men of the house. Virginia Woolf warns us that to do our own real work, we must kill this Angel of the House.
Does that raise your eyebrows a bit? It does mine. Couldn't we reach a compromise? Isn't there a peaceful solution? Try it at your own risk.
Then there's A Room of One's Own. If you only read and reread one book by Virginia Woolf, this is the one. It's a way to shuck off the shame of being born female and begin to look at the road to creative freedom. What one begins to imagine - can come about.
1:19:22 PM
|
|
|
Wednesday, January 21, 2004 |
This afternoon I checked the latest batch of slides I took - four rolls, carefully bracketed in half-stop exposures. Hey! I'm satisfied! Some of these shots are really good.
Oddly enough, I knew I'd get to this point. At some point way back, I decided I'd just do whatever it took to take really, really good slides of my work. New glasses? OK. New camera? If needed. Turns out my old canonFT is fine, especially with the new macro lens.
When I make my website I'll write an article on what I learned. Maybe that will help other artists take great slides of their work in less time than it took me. At the very least, they can save some money. Now I know what really helped me, and what didn't matter. But I'm happy with everything I did. It was for the work, and it took what it took.
Many thanks to the canonFD yahoo group. It's great to have the help and companionship of many others using old manual focus canon cameras. Also I learned a lot from photonet. And of course, b&h photo has kept me supplied.
9:12:04 PM
|
|
|
Saturday, January 17, 2004 |
Just read an article on the tensions between Second Wave Feminists (mostly baby boomers in late fifties) and the young Generation X women now in their twenties. It fit my perceptions and broadened them too. I'm a Second Waver myself. When the article talks about Birkenstock-wearing activists, that's me. Or was me.
The differences between generations seem to center on motherhood. Who gets to bake the sacred apple pie? Most girls and young women want to be mothers. They want men to help more, and they want to have the option of returning to other jobs. But they want to be what Virginia Woolf called "the Angel of the House." They don't want men to share equally in rearing the children and running the home.
This strikes me as dangerous. At forty, looking back on my life to make a full confession of my sins, this exact desire was one of my main sins. I had always wanted to be first with my children, not share them equally with another parent. Feminist issues aside, this is an issue of misguided selfishness. It comes down to spiritual immaturity - a need to ensure love, from a fear of not getting enough love.
To many young women coming along today, the desire to be "the boss of the house" and to be the primary caregiver, is just biology. I'm skeptical of all "just biology" explanations. Usually they're used to justify restrictions, not expand choices.
My own departure from fervent feminism came not because I wanted to be the Angel of the House, but because I wanted to free my art. Other feminists would try to tell me that my art should be like this, or like that, because I was a woman and therefore "nurturing." (This is called "difference feminism" and not all feminists believe that women are essentially more nurturing than men.)
I decided that no ideology would run my art. Yowee! No way! Robert Henri, in The Art Spirit, says "Don't run with crowds." No one can tell me what my inner Self is supposed to be, or what its expression must be.
So this is my wish for all women - and for all men. May you listen to your inner Self. May you learn to distinguish your honest feelings and beliefs from what others have taught you they should be. May you dare to live your real life.
9:43:33 AM
|
|
|
Friday, January 16, 2004 |
A while back, when I clicked into amazon.com, my welcome page urged me to buy the DVD of the film "Winged Migration." "Catherine, you'll love this." I took note, but didn't do it. Then when I saw the DVD for rent at Movie Gallery, I still passed it by for several weeks. Would I really enjoy watching a lot of birds migrating? On and on and on?
Finally my partner and I decided to give it a try. The answer is yes! I would indeed enjoy watching a lot of birds migrating - on and on and on. It's hard to explain how this could be so, but the film is magical - like watching a fascinating ballet. I found it often amazing and beautiful. Sometimes it was amusing, sometimes tragic. Does this sound a bit like - life?
There are two special features on the DVD that are as fascinating as the film itself. One is about the four year process of making the film. This was about a hundred times more interesting than most such features.
The other was about making the music for the film. This too was fascinating. So many different kinds of music were woven together to make the film score. After all, the film covers pretty much the entire earth. What a scope for a film score!
It's possible that I was the last person in the U.S. to see this film. At amazon.com I found 106 customer reviews of it! Reading some of these made me wish I'd seen the film in the movie theatre. On a giant screen, it would have been even more moving.
By the way, this film breaks apart my prejudice against French films. For the first time in years, we watched a French film that we love. True, it does have that French "slice of life" approach. But in a documentary, and with such a subject and scope, this works fine.
If by any chance I'm not the last person to see this film, and you still haven't rented or bought it, I urge you to give it a go. It will put beautiful images and rhythms straight into your inmost being. It will awaken something beautiful and wild in you. 4 stars!
9:26:31 PM
|
|
|
Thursday, January 15, 2004 |
Just completed this quiz on my stand on various issues in the U.S. plus my priorities among issues. The idea of this online program is to identify the candidates for U.S. President who match your own positions. It's great! After I completed the quiz, I got a list of the candidates in order of priority re the positions I chose. Two met my priorities 100%. Now I'm even feeling a little interested in campaigning for one or both.
Unfortunately, for me to like a candidate that much, is usually the kiss of death. He or she won't win. How's that for an optimistic view? But maybe someone midway down my list will win. And strengthening the candidate I like best, might influence the final winner to some degree.
I'm indebted to M. R. Daniels for the link. She posted a notice about it at the PACA forum.
Take the quiz and see who really fits for you!
7:25:15 PM
|
|
|
Wednesday, January 14, 2004 |
What motivates me to work is a sense of curiosity. I want to find out something. It's the sense of adventure, discovery, and wonder that I enjoy. Without this, the work loses its glow.
When I feel a simple impulse to go to the studio, it's because I'm curious about something specific. "What if I..." or "How does that look this morning?" or "What does that bowl want next?"
My motivation isn't better or worse than anyone else's. I know some artists want to express something, or just like to make things. There are lots of different motivations for making art. For me, as for most artists, more than one motivation comes into play.
Still, I think it's a good idea to know your main motivation. It's something to nourish and amplify. Worst would be to fight it - a sure road to creative block.
What if you applied your main motivation to the business of selling art, as well? For me, I could breathe a sigh of relief. Instead of estimating the best or correct way to establish new gallery relationships, I could find out things. I could ask "what if..." and do some exploring.
What if...excuse me, I need to go work.
12:05:04 PM
|
|
Uptown Girls is a fun movie - pure entertainment with a heart of gold. It's basically about grief and healing. Yet it's a comedy that works as a comedy.
Why am I giving it 3 stars instead of 4? I'm not sure. There's something a little mussed about the plot, maybe. It's just a gut feeling on my part.
But it's so much better than most movies we see, that I do recommend it for sure. Of course, if you only rent three DVDs or videos a year, you might want to wait for a 4 star film. Otherwise, see this one and have a good time.
11:52:25 AM
|
|
|
Friday, January 09, 2004 |
With my four rolls of slides from yesterday all ready to go to Atlanta, I woke to freezing rain today. I knew it might happen so I wasn't counting on making the drive.
Finally I decided that I probably could do it and survive, even if I had to come back in Atlanta's rush hour traffic. However, it didn't appeal. Did I want to do it? No.
So, with my new "effortless" approach, I called FedEx. Within an hour, the driver appeared, helped me seal the envelope, did the label for me, and told me "it's there." In something of a joyful daze, I returned to the warm cabin.
Luckily I'd already set up a FedEx account online, so all I had to do was make the request. Next time I'll probably request the pickup online too. What a blessed saver of time and effort!
The FedEx driver lives within a mile of me. He was headed home for cornbread and beans his wife was cooking for lunch. So we were all happy today.
For weeks I've known that it would be more efficient to send slides to Atlanta by FedEx overnight priority. It costs much less than driving, if you count just the mileage rate and not even my time. But today was the first time I carried through.
I'm happy that I valued my time and energy enough to do this. If I'd driven to Atlanta and back today, I'd be super tired tomorrow morning. Now I'm looking forward to doing some digital photographs tomorrow. Since I have the background and lights handy, I can make photos of my paper medicine bags, to include in the website.
Thanks, FedEx.
9:39:23 PM
|
|
|
Thursday, January 08, 2004 |
I've relisted four small (8x10") paintings on eBay at bargain prices, no reserve, including Bright Moon:
 This is about your cherished dream. Much stands in your way - and all of nature conspires in your favor.
One painting won't be showing till 10 p.m. EST Thursday night, but the others are already up.
I'm really curious as to where the paintings will go from here. I am eager to do more. As soon as the photography is done for now, I'll take down the blackout curtains, open the studio to the sunlight, and paint again.
7:53:07 PM
|
|
Today I shot four rolls of slides! For a professional photographer, that's probably very small potatoes. For me - I think it's a first. So I finished all the slides of my bowls - unless of course I look at the processed slides and see that they're not fabulous yet.
What interests me about the day is that I didn't push at all. I didn't start early. I was prepared, had figured out yesterday exactly how to bracket the exposures, what views to shoot, etc. I'd narrowed down the best views using my trusty Canon s110 digital. I had printouts of the views I wanted, so I didn't really have to think much to do the actual shooting.
About not pushing...I didn't tell myself "wouldn't it be great to shoot all four rolls? Or "let's shoot two rolls today and two tomorrow." Instead, I took a Wilderness Time approach. I said "let's start the first roll, and let it take however long it takes.
In fact, I believe it took a very long time. It was the "easy bowl" re views, but getting the lighting right took a lot of experimenting. I like the glass and metal beads to shine.
Since I was in the middle of shooting a bowl when I finished that roll of film, I ate lunch and came back to shoot another roll. After I shot two, I thought, "I can shoot another now." And so I ended up shooting all four. I never pressured myself, which made it much easier.
Only after I'd cleaned up and walked back to the cabin, did I realize that a true miracle had occurred. I had an entire photography session, shooting four rolls of film, without shedding a single tear. I was so far from crying or even feeling tense, that I didn't even notice this wonder.
Of course I give Bejeweled much of the credit. Playing last night and relaxing when I "couldn't see" really helped today. When I "couldn't see to focus" I knew I'd be able to see once I relaxed more.
The originator of the Suzuki violin method wrote a fascinating autobiography. In it he mentions that he was once asked to offer management consultation to a manufacturing company. How to increase production? He suggested that the owners give the workers an hour every day to play table tennis.
They did. Production shot up. Suzuki thought it was partly the eye-hand coordination that table tennis develops. But of course relaxation was a big part of it too.
Table tennis or Bejeweled? Both? Take your choice. Let's step up production and make plenty of good art - and slides.
6:20:31 PM
|
|
Last night I was playing a pattern recogniton game, Bejeweled, on my partner's PDA. (That's a palm sized mini computer that's called a Personal Digital Assistant or PDA for short.) I was playing the timed version, so the more quickly I saw the patterns, the higher my score.
Sometimes this is easy, but other times there may be only one possible move on the entire screen. Then I'd start to tense up. Time's running out! Where, where, where?
As an experiment, I tried placing my attention on my state of relaxation. Instead of going for a high score, I'd base my success on how relaxed I could stay through the whole game. So when I suddenly couldn't see a move, I'd remind myself of this, and take a deep breath. I'd just let my eyes rove "softly" over the screen, relaxing.
This worked much better. Often as soon as I took a deep breath, I'd see a possible move. My scores were higher than before.
Naturally I'm telling about this because it looks applicable to many other situations. I got the idea of focusing on relaxation from my favorite book read in 2003, Effortless Living. Of course, even if the "scores" aren't higher, having a relaxed good time is nothing to sneeze at.
By the way, there's a desktop version of Bejeweled, too. I think it's not quite as much fun as the PDA version, but it's better than life without any Bejeweled at all. This game was invaluable when I was in a wheelchair after breaking some bones. Be prepared....
9:03:38 AM
|
|
|
Tuesday, January 06, 2004 |
Recently I borrowed back from my daughter one of my favorite books: The North Runner, by R. D. Lawrence. It's a true account of his homesteading in the Canadian wilderness, where he befriended a dog who was half wolf. I love autobiographical accounts of homesteading and wilderness adventures. They appeal to me especially if they involve wolves and interspecies communication. R. D. Lawrence lived the stories I love to read.
Tonight I started rereading another favorite he wrote, Paddy. This is the story of a summer Lawrence spent studying beavers in the Canadian north woods. Paddy was an orphaned beaver kit that he found and raised.
Doing a google search tonight for more Lawrence books, I found to my sorrow that he died last November 27. This was in fact my daughter's birthday. I read that it was his own daughter's birthday as well. I smile as I write this, for my daughter too has always had a mysterious ability to communicate with animals.
R. D. Lawrence has created a vivid place in my mind for the north woods and for wolves. I'm sure his books helped me make an extremely strong bond with my bouvier dog, Colette. And reverance for wilderness is a gift he has given millions. That's a great legacy.
9:57:21 PM
|
|
Now that many of us are finishing up the 2003 accounts, I have two tips for making this fun.
1) When entering amounts whether in writing or by keyboard, sing the amounts as you enter them. In other words, sing "Twelve dollars and ninety-three cents" or whatever the amount might be. I make up my tunes as I go along, but you could choose something jolly to use. I started doing this when I noticed I always tensed up as soon as I entered figures. Singing the amounts seems to make tensing up impossible. Fun!
2) Get the book, The Accounting Game : Basic Accounting Fresh from the Lemonade Stand.
This is the only book on accounting I know, that makes it fun to learn.
(As always, I use amazon.com links to books because they're handy and the prices are usually very good. I don't have any affiliate status with amazon. So the links are only for your convenience in finding out more about books I mention.)
Hope your accounting sessions are lots of fun!
1:54:00 PM
|
|
Last night I almost deleted an email message that looked like spam. Luckily I opened it. It told me of my first art sale of the year. Hurray!
This year I intend to live from sales of artwork. So this first sale of the year is a good omen. I'm so much looking forward to my website.
1:40:32 PM
|
|
|
Sunday, January 04, 2004 |
What kind of world do I want?
I want a world in which the primary values are health, love, and creative power:
- Everyone has enough to eat.
- Everyone has clean air to breathe.
- Everyone has clean water.
- Everyone has shelter and clothes.
- Everyone has love – people who listen and care.
- Everyone has a chance to do something fulfilling – to make the contribution they most want to make, that makes them feel most alive.
- Relationships are I-Thou relationships – subject to subject relating, not subject to object relating - not only among people, but between people and all other coinhabitants on earth – so that freedom and wildness are honored.
Really, #7 would take care of it all, wouldn’t it? But it's always the food that comes first to my mind. It's interesting that the food, air, water, shelter and clothes have clear limits. Human beings need all these, but real need is quite limited. That is, it doesn't take vast quantities of any of these things to meet one human being's need, or one family's needs. (I mean needs here, not wants.)
But love, a chance to do something fulfilling, and engaging in I-Thou relationships - these things are virtually unlimited. One person could expand and expand and expand in these things. One moment, one gesture can be enough to change a life. And at the same time, more of these things is always good.
I'm stating obvious things. But I seem to need to state them clearly anyway. It's like drawing myself a little map.
11:31:23 PM
|
|
While considering how to live, click daily at the Hunger Site to give hungry people food. From there, there are quick links to other sites where just a mouse click makes a positive difference in the world.
Enough? No. Something? Yes.
11:18:13 PM
|
|
Today I finished reading the newest book by Tracy Kidder, called Mountains Beyond Mountains. Tracy Kidder is one of my most favorite authors. Two of his books, The Soul of a New Machine, and House, I've read many times. So when I saw his latest book at the library, I checked it out right away.
Mountains Beyond Mountains is disturbing to read. Halfway through, I considered stopping. I'm glad I went on till the end.
It's about Paul Farmer, an anthropologist and doctor who is revolutionizing the way that world health problems are addressed. Instead of theorizing about cost effectiveness and how to use limited resources, he treats patients. He does whatever it takes to change their living situation to one that promotes health: decent shelter, food, water, and education along with medical treatment. And he's shown that it can be done in Haiti, perhaps the world's most desperately poor country. But his patients are all over the world.
The book makes it impossible to ignore the poor. Even more uncomfortably, the book makes it impossible to ignore the relationships between the poverty of Haiti and the world's poor, and the relative wealth of First World countries. (These are the countries that Mathew Fox calls the "overdeveloped world.") In other words, our gain was their loss. And it wasn't because we're more deserving, smarter people (in case you're wondering.) At one point in the book, Farmer jokes that bankers must not get enough sex, because they're always screwing the poor.
Needless to say, I'm not through thinking about this book. It isn't that Tracy Kidder or Paul Farmer or anyone else is trying to convince us to be like Paul Farmer. That's probably impossible anyway. But at the same time, it's probably not possible to read this book and not be changed.
Now that's what Rilke would call a good book. (Isn't Rilke the one who said something along the lines of "if a poem doesn't change your life completely, it's not worth reading?") Actually, I'd expect no less of Tracy Kidder.
10:56:16 PM
|
|
Whew. Deer hunting season is over for another year. Just saw a big herd filing through the woods near the cabin, so that family survived. Mostly I'm glad for my own selfish reasons. I can walk through the woods without wearing an orange vest. I don't have to remember to take a colored bandanna for a handkerchief instead of my usual white ones. (Pulling a white handkerchief out of my pocket could look a lot like the flash of a deer's tail.)
The end of deer hunting season starts a time of year here that's calm and exciting at the same time. (That's the state of mind I call "That State of Mind" - a relaxed calm combined with the excitement of following a kind of trail of feeling.) The woods are very open now, with long views. Even on cold days, afternoons are often sunny and warm. The woods are open to the sky. It's a great time to walk, to absorb the feeling of the trees. Usually this is when I absorb the inspiration for the bowls to come for the rest of the year.
Today was also a sort of official, final end of the holiday season for our family. We had a last gathering to exchange presents with those who'd gone to Mexico and just returned. So it's as if a great space-time has been cleared now for work. I'm ready.
10:27:43 PM
|
|
|
Friday, January 02, 2004 |
|
