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Hand Forged Vessels
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Friday, April 30, 2004 |
Today is a big holiday in the natural cycle of the year. It's Beltane, also called May Eve or Walpurgis. When I saw it on my calendar a few days ago, I was confused for a moment. What's this holiday about? OK, it's half way between the spring equinox and the summer solstice - what, already? Then I remembered. Fertility!
Retailers are fond of saying "Location, location, location." It's the key to retail success - at least, prior to the internet. Location is all.
Artists need a fertile imagination. For us, fertility is all. "Fertility, fertility, fertility!"
Today is the day to celebrate the gift of imagination. To see relationships, to spark ideas, to open to gifts that float into the mind - this is the gift of gifts. Without this gift, art couldn't exist. Without this gift, we wouldn't be human.
10:13:55 AM 
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Thursday, April 29, 2004 |
Tuesday had a good morning in the studio. I had taken a long nap the afternoon before, then gone to bed early and slept long. Woke full of energy and a desire to go to the studio.
It's been downhill from there. Tuesday afternoon we went out on errands and stayed way into the evening. Yesterday I woke tired and unprepared. Was easily distracted and spent the whole day fruitlessly. Fruitless action is as tiring as fruitful action, perhaps more so.
This morning it dawns on me that perhaps tiredness is like pain. If you let it get too extreme, it becomes very hard to "get ahead of it." When I broke my elbow and cracked my sacrum two years ago, the nurses warned me to give myself a little morphine whenever I first started to feel pain. They told me that it's a mistake to be stoic about it, because once the pain really takes hold it's hard to reduce it.
Maybe the same is true of tiredness. It seems very difficult right now for me to catch up with it and really stay rested. As soon as I start to feel energy, I'm tempted to spend it all even though I seem to have no reserves.
At the same time, I'm arguing with myself. Shouldn't I be able to work, tired or not? Let the work give me energy? Well, I've been trying that. And I tried resting. Resting seemed to work much better. I'll give it another chance.
10:43:26 AM
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004 |
This time of year, the path to the studio is sprinkled with white and pale pink dogwood petals. It always reminds me of a wedding.
 It adds a special pleasure to each walk to the studio. It's as if the trees are blessing my way. Here's a closeup view of the path:
2:11:23 PM
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Monday, April 26, 2004 |
This film is a good cure for being too attached to a house. The acting is superb. The tragedy seems inevitable, given the collision among these characters in this situation. Ben Bridges is as good as one might expect. I'll give it three stars.
10:32:23 PM
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Medical emergency is over. Saturday to our surprise, my life partner was discharged from the hospital. We came home in a daze.
The second day home, yesterday, I started to feel frustrated and discouraged. For one thing, I got obsessed with internet research on the ideal diet for myself and my partner. I really believed that after years of reading about this, mostly inconclusive, that I'd be able to find "the answer" in one day. Didn't happen.
This morning I went to the studio, determined to work on my own stuff. I felt very disoriented but was able to get to the "decks cleared for work" point. When I did the first Effortless Mastery guided meditation, tears started to flow as I began to relax. The same thing happened when I did this meditation once while my partner was in the hospital. Tears came, then an aching throat (more tears on the way) and then past that, deep relaxation. This time, I felt how very, very tired I feel. The meditation helped me let go of my sense of urgency and pressure. All that was left was tiredness.
Finally, the light dawned. For over a week adrenaline has been keeping me alert to do whatever was needed, sleep or no sleep. Now the adrenaline has slowed way down. Result: exhaustion. I'm just tired!
It's amazing how easy this is not to notice. I really expected myself to come home from the hospital and plunge right into work the first chance I got. Some people can probably do this. Right now though I'm just tired.
I took a long nap and am going to take it easy. How can a smart person be so dumb? Answer: when she's very, very tired....
6:01:59 PM
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Thursday, April 22, 2004 |
First I wasn't writing here because I was working on how to improve my website and fill in gaps. Then, last Saturday (the 17th) my life partner had a medical emergency. So I've spent much of most days at hospitals.
Today is a "day off" hospital for daytime. Tonight I'll spend the night in the hospital room, maybe Friday night too. Boy, people have all kinds of excuses for not writing, don't they?
This morning I was thinking about the phrase "catching up." When I'm attending to this emergency, I'm far away from thoughts of "catching up." This is because I'm obviously already where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing. Life is right here and now.
Could be that this is a clue for "normal life" too.
1:33:04 PM
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Monday, April 12, 2004 |
Monitor callibration can be a big help in judging digital images for reproduction in any way - as digital slides, for example, or for printing. Till now, callibration has been fairly expensive. Today I ran into a new, consumer level option for $99 that includes a starter edition of Adobe Album. ColorPLUS looks as if it might be worth exploring.
Anyone tried it yet?
4:35:33 PM
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Sunday, April 11, 2004 |
This was pleasant entertainment. It's a farce, not quite believable and a little too predictable. But we've seen much worse. It was fun.
4:18:31 PM
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This was a dud. After a few minutes of watching "Once Upon a Time in the Midlands," we abandoned it. The characters all seemed confused, miserable, and grouchy. Who needs it?
4:16:44 PM
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Saturday, April 03, 2004 |
I've never been fond of Diane Keaton as an actress, but in "Something's Gotta Give" she is fabulous. Jack Nicholson is as great an actor here as ever.
This is a "must see" comedy. Want to roar with laughter many times? Feel pangs of woe? See a movie with a very satisfying resolution that fits? This is it. 4 stars.
11:43:56 AM
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Thursday, April 01, 2004 |
An idea crossed my mind again today about how to handle all the 'time debt' I've accumulated. Time debt is the burden of things that I feel I must or should do - just to catch up with what I've promised or need to do to have a good environment. Mostly for me it's decluttering and maintenance work.
My idea is to handle it the way Debtors Anonymous advises handling debt. First, establish a plan that gives a high quality of life (as you define it.) Then, pay off the debts gradually AFTER paying the expenses needed for quality of life. (And - don't incur any more debt.)
Here's how I adapt it to time debt. First, I look at the activities that give me the highest quality of life. OK, these are things I can do NOW even if I "owe" a long list of 'time debt' items.
Of course, I don't promise anyone anything NEW. That would be incurring more time debt. We don't need that.
Then, I list all the time debt items - all the catch up tasks and projects. I found it easy to prioritize them right now since spring brings its own set of priorities. (This is mostly because all the insects around the place are waking up - ants now, scorpions soon to come.)
The main thing is that I'm giving myself permission to do the "quality of life" activities first, without worrying about the time debt items. This definitely works. Doing the "quality of life" activities regularly creates a state of being in which the time debt items feel much less daunting.
Here's to a high quality of life!
3:17:14 PM
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This morning I noticed I was getting really tense. I was working on website tweaks and additions. Have to keep reminding myself that "I am not my website." Anyway, it occurred to me that I could do the first meditation from the "Effortless Mastery" CD. Then I could do the website work from a completely relaxed, effortless space. I liked this idea and contemplated it for a moment. It would mean a trip to another building to get the CD, but it would make a wonderful difference.
Then I noticed that imagining doing this had changed my state of being already. Ha. I returned to the computer with a sense of relief and joy.
1:28:53 PM
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