Dentist Day

Counting down to d-day (dentist day!), my first proper visit to the dentist after a 10 year hiatus.

Friday, May 16, 2003

13 days to go Bad news. With admirable procrastination, I've managed to put it off for 6 years but next Thursday I'm going to the dentist. Well, if I'm completely honest - when I went to the dentist 6 years ago it was only because I had an infection on a part-way through wisdom tooth and I needed to get some antibiotics to clear it up. It was an emergency appointment and I didn't even have a check-up! So it's really 10 years since I had a proper visit to the dentist. And that's when he said that my wisdom tooth was causing problems and might need to be removed. No wonder I didn't go back again, eh?!? 10:15:52 PM    comment []

Saturday, May 17, 2003

12 days to go It's not just some pathetic fear of the dentist that has held me back all these years. No - I genuinely believe that there was no need to extract that wisdom tooth. I mean it seemed to be coming through, slowly but surely. And the odd infection was no real hardship. 5 days on an antibiotic and I was right as rain. And that was before I discovered (well, maybe the dentist did tell me) rinsing my mouth with salt water at the earliest signs of infection - that seemed to clear it up every time. Apart from that once six years ago when I couldn't shake off the infection and I had the brief but urgent visit. But that was the exception that proved the rule. And take that wry smile off your face. Cause 10 years on the wisdom tooth is through. No problems. No extraction. So who was right??? 11:35:25 PM    comment []

Sunday, May 18, 2003

11 days to go So why am I going to the dentist after all this time? I guess that's the question you're really interested in at this point. Well, it's a couple of things really. Definitely my teeth need to be properly cleaned. I mean I do brush (and pretty thoroughly too) but it's just not the same as the industrial cleaning you get at the dentist. It was pretty good 10 years ago - so it must be awesome now. And for the last couple of years (or maybe a bit more) I've noticed some pretty serious staining on my teeth and have often wondered about modern dental polishing techniques. The staining is a fairly long term item but I guess it's really been kicked off by a recent phenomenon. For the last few weeks, sometimes when I have a cold drink it hurts. It's especially bad in the morning and it's ruining my breakfast orange juice. To cap it all, some helpful soul mentioned that this pain is caused by deteriorating tooth enamel. Well that was it really. My hypochondria moved into overdrive and I decided to make an appointment before I woke up to a pillowful of stained enamel-free teeth. 7:00:01 PM    comment []

Monday, May 19, 2003

10 days to go Who was it that decreed you need to visit the dentist once every 6 months anyway? I can hazard a cynical guess - Grand Chief of the Profitable Dentists Association - or some such dental supremo, no doubt. Still grinding his teeth with glee I'll bet. You don't agree? All right then. Just how bad are my teeth after a 10 year break from best oral practice? Mmm, well maybe on first glance the mouth doesn't support my case so well. Check out the molars - the silvery black furrow of cheap fillings running along their entire length, standing out very clearly even against the stained background. Doesn't look so good. And that's only the layman's view. God knows the professional opinion on the state of those fillings! I guess I'll find out in 10 days time. Gulp - that was it - the first sense of real trepidation. Cold and clammy. The only bright spot on the molar front? The one cavity free momument to good dental health. Well, that's a crown of course. Fitted by a female German dentist in Munich in 1991 and still working well today. A tribute to the quality of German engineering. Christ knows how she has managed to keep one step ahead of Simon Wiesenthal for all this time! 8:00:11 PM    comment []

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

9 days to go And those fillings are cheap! Gold is just a pipe dream. Even those cosmetic white fillings are a step beyond. My fillings are the lowest of the low and a quick trip to Google can really ignite the hypochondria. Did you check out the titles of some of those books? They charge you for the fillings and then sell you books about how those fillings are killing you. It's not a bad scam. But I didn't set out here with the intention of attacking the dental profession (honestly!). Just to record my emotions as I move forward on this momentous venture. But then I guess hitting out wildly is one of those emotions. There is another secret, buried away in the recesses. Something I don't normally confront and have never uttered in 10 years. When I went for that last genuine visit to the dentist, when he xrayed my mouth and advised that we could only give the wisdom tooth one more chance, there was something else. He had spotted decay - inside a molar, hidden away even from his evil mirrors but visible on the xray. "We'll sort that out next time he said". 11:40:11 PM    comment []

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

8 days to go They're not supposed to have adverts on the BBC but they do. Have you seen the one advertising their BBC Radio Player. It's a nightmare. Of course it's set in a dentist's surgery where a patient is in the chair and a radio is playing. The Archers is just starting when the drill starts up. That high pitched whine. I am frozen as soon as it starts and naturally it goes on for some time. In the ad it finishes just as the Archers is over (that's 15 minutes I think, so it's fairly realistic) and then they plug the BBC Radio Player as a great way to replay your favourite radio shows. What a horrific advert - I am thinking of reporting it to the Advertising Standards Authority. Tonight I shed a tear and I'm not sure whether it did my teeth any good or not but I think I'll leave it there. 11:10:01 PM    comment []

Thursday, May 22, 2003

7 days to go Just one week to go. This is a sobering moment. I had a Toffee Crisp at lunch-time today and I'm regretting it now. It seems to have promoted lively bacterial activity in my mouth. I can feel a sort of coating on my teeth and can almost sense that they are slowly rotting. I often get this feeling after eating sugary sweets but not normally after chocolate (unless I really go to town). I can't help thinking that maybe my teeth were actually fine but that this one Toffee Crisp has pushed them over the edge. If only I'd made the appointment for one week earlier... Perhaps I'll head off now for an extra brush. I usually brush my teeth twice a day - once after breakfast and once before bed. But maybe I should step this up over the next week to make sure there is no dirt or breath issues for the dentist. On the other hand, maybe my mouth will react badly to over-zealous brushing and my gums will start bleeding and the dentist, hearing of my long abstinence, will diagnose gum disease and... Ok! Ok! I hear you. You're right. I'm starting to lose it. Deep breaths, stay calm. God knows what I'm going to be like in 7 days time. Seven more days that are connected... 9:05:21 PM    comment []

Friday, May 23, 2003

6 days to go Some helpful soul has pointed out a minor exaggeration in yesterday's post. I suppose if you read it in a certain way it does suggest that I actually made the appointment for the long overdue visit. But it's hardly material. I mean, I don't want you to get the notion that it wasn't my idea to finally go to the dentist, that I was somehow forced or cajoled into it. Oh no, it was absolutely my idea. And just in case you've got any lingering doubts. Fortunately, I foresaw this type of petty confusion and kept a transcript of the conversation in question. Helpful: Your teeth are looking really stained these days. Me: Honestly they're fine. Helpful: You promised your Mum you would go to the dentist this year. Me: I don't recall that. Helpful: You're going to end up with serious problems. Me: My teeth have been really sensitive to cold drinks recently. It's ruining my breakfast orange juice ... maybe I should think about going to the dentist sometime. Helpful soul leaves and re-enters the room. Helpful: It's booked. Silence I rest my case. 9:00:21 PM    comment []

Saturday, May 24, 2003

5 days to go It could all be a cinch. I could waltz in, be told that my teeth are in perfect condition, and glide out again with a self-satisfied grin. This would prove my theory that 6 month check-ups are pointless - except for the dentist's bank balance of course. But at this juncture, with the dentist's chair just outside the door, I'm somehow reluctant to voice my theory anymore. It's not that I don't have the courage of my convictions, it's just that well... Maybe after opening my mouth in terror to the dentist's gaze, he will start tutting, rhyming out "A2 bad, G3 history, Z8 no enamel" and other such gibberish to his assistant. After a while, he'll pull out the heavy duty drill. "I don't get to use this one too often" he says with an evil grin. There you go, I'm off again. Why is it that when I dare to think I might need some treatment, the dentist starts to morph into a fiendish Nazi. Did the Third Reich have an unusually high proportion of dentists? Well... I suppose with all that torturing and the fillings they gathered, maybe they did. Sorry, I'm off again amn't I. 9:30:29 PM    comment []

Sunday, May 25, 2003

4 days to go The sensitive teeth problem I was having seems to have subsided. I can take cold drinks again, even my breakfast orange juice, without the merest wince. I still brace myself ready for the pain, which slightly dampens my breakfast enjoyment - but I can put up with that, and anyway I will soon get acclimatised again to pain-free drinking. So what I'm saying is that maybe I needn't have bothered with this dentist business. After 10 years of perfect dentist-free teeth, why have I caved in to common practice at the first sign of a tiny problem? Why am I putting myself into this situation? I mean you know what's going to happen don't you? The highly paid dentist is going to spot a number of major issues for which a series of follow-up visits are essential. In reality, I could have happily lived on regardless, but instead I'll be handing over large sums of money for the privilege of being brutally tortured. And I'm not like that - really!! The bhoys showed great spirit today but we lost the title. There's always next season. No surrender! 8:50:44 PM    comment []

Monday, May 26, 2003

3 days to go Right - it's time to spill the beans and let you know why I really haven't been to the dentist for all these years. I did it for the children. Oh yes I did. It wasn't just fear and cowardice - no, it was a prolonged act of selfless sacrifice. I thought that if the boys saw that tiny hint of reluctance in my going to the dentist, it might scar them for ever with a terrible fear and they would end up doing anything to avoid even the most straightforward of fillings, never mind more serious forms of torture. I needn't have bothered really. I don't know if you've noticed but kids these days have near on perfect teeth. No longer the long rows of dark fillings of my day. Many of them have never experienced the chilling whine of the drill, dribbling out the pink solution with bits of your teeth and filling all through it, the numb mouth, the cold sweat, the utter panic... Sorry. So I've gone to all this trouble to protect my little innocents from nothing. Their naivety would have been preserved regardless. Now the only problem is trying to persuade them to shave before they go to the dentist with me on Thurdsay. And Cindy, incidentally, baby I ain't putting you on... 8:05:11 PM    comment []

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

2 days to go As I ran my razor sharp mind through yesterday's entry over a cup of Horlicks, I realised something didn't quite fit. If kids these days have near on perfect teeth, then how come we are never away from the dentist with them. Well that's simple - because of the orthodontist of course. Now that decay and fillings are on the wane, the dentistry profession needs to find other means to boost revenue. So there is a new sign of puberty in young adults - the brace. And some amazing contraptions there are too! They've almost become a fashion accessory as opposed to a stigma. Except in our house. God know why it's all necessary. I mean, in my day you just let nature sort it out unless there was a really serious problem. There was none of this American-inspired longing for perfect teeth. Yes - so what I'm saying is that as well as having a dodgy wisdom tooth, stained enamel, an aversion to cold drinks and perfumed breath, my teeth are lined up like Scotland's wall for that free kick against Peru in 1978. 8:25:01 PM    comment []

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

1 day to go So, tomorrow is the day. Somewhat buoyed by Dutch courage, I don't feel as bad as I had feared and fully expect to grab at least a couple of hours sleep tonight. Looking back on the suggestions made a couple of days ago, the Steradent option seems increasingly attractive. Does that mean I can cancel tomorrow's appointment? I gave my teeth a full check-over in the mirror today and diagnosed gum disease. There are clear signs of where the gums have receded - and I remember on a previous visit to the dentist being told that this was a sure sign of gum disease. With bedside manner like that, is it any wonder I stopped going back? Hopefully, I will be fit enough to post a full report tomorrow. But don't worry, I have the children with me, so I'm sure they will make certain I get home safely. Cheers! 11:05:01 PM    comment []

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Dentist-Day Our dentist's surgery looks like a Chinese takeaway. It's in a row of shops and has a full frontage glass window (with blinds of course - discretion guaranteed). Next door is a kosher Chinese restauarant which adds to the effect. Penetrate the blinds through the front door into one large room with a counter. I swear to you "number 25 with fried rice please" was on my lips but I couldn't get it out due to the cold sweat and convulsive shivering. And behind the counter - in a room within a room - the torture chamber. And by the way, it wasn't 2:30 when we arrived for the appointment... I went in last of course. Women and children first, you know but the boys were out again in 5 minutes each, maximum. My last words to the kids as they escorted me through the inner door were "have the excessive sympathy ready for me coming out - and a stretcher" There were some awkward moments Herr Dentist: So who was your last dentist? Me: I'm not sure if I can remember. Herr Dentist: Have you just moved into the area? Me: No. Name, rank and number. Name, rank and number. And then the chair. I had forgotten just how bad it was. The blinding light. The strange smell. The proximity of the dentist. The terror as he probed in my teeth with the sharp metal instrument. And looking up beyond his masked face to the ceiling where someone had affixed a poster of Concorde and a Spitfire flying together. At least it wasn't a Messerschmitt! Bizarrely, as I looked up at that poster with mouth wide open and realised that I was finally back at the dentist after all these years, I was seized with the humour of it all and had to fight to suppress a laugh. I hope he didn't notice, I didn't want to him to think I was some sort of a nutter. But I needn't have bothered. I think he had already made his mind up on that one. And so the outcome. After 10 years of dental abstinence - a clean bill of health! Remarkable and educational. So finally, a few observations Is there really a need for adults to visit the dentist every 6 months when I can survive for 10 years and need nothing done? We had agreed a fee of twenty-something pounds for a check-up, scale and polish. Why is it so predictable that he decided without as much a by-your-leave to give me 2 xrays and add a tenner on to the bill? And oh my God - what about those xrays? What if the hidden decay is revealed and I need to go back for treatment? Where did his assistant get that uniform?!? 10:05:01 PM    comment []