I miss the blogoverse but have been too busy to allow myself to get re-engaged.  Still in the rebuilding stages of the front porch.  We finally have the floor down and primed so we don't have to trek through a mudpit and climb up a stepladder to get in the front door. Spent last week preparing a display to represent our regional cohousing association at a local festival.  Made a banner, and two backboards.  Turned out nicely, if I say so myself.   I also got out nearly 70 letters of invitation to local preschools to participate in the annual preschool education fair that the family resource center organizes.  I'm also still slogging away editing the korean-english dictionary pages for a friend, and am putting in an hour or so a day on campaign work for my friend who is running for city council.  Too many commitments, I know...

Blew off the Dean rally in College Park, MD last night.  Only 15 mins away but it really felt like I should be home hanging out with my guys.  I actually got it together to make dinner [vegetable curry -- too spicy for me and TLG though].  We had a pleasant evening.  Turns out 4000 people came out to hear him.  It's exciting and part of me wants to be more involved.  I keep telling myself there is plenty of time until the primary here -- and even more time until Nov. 04 and I just have to be more balanced in my commitments. 

TLG's preschool teacher came for her home visit today.  TLG was pretty excited to have her come over.  He and I overslept and then ran around for an hour picking up toys, sweeping, dusting, and mopping.  The place was really a pit.  Dustbunnies the size of hamsters.  Luckily he is at the age where he can actually really help.  We got it together before she came over and they had a really nice visit.  I have been having mixed feelings about her, but she was really great with him and he really responded to her.  School starts on Monday.  Mon-Th, 9:30 to 1:00.  I am hoping he really enjoys it.

Despite the fact that the house is reasonably livable, dinner is made, and I am making fairly steady progress on all my myriad lists and obligations I feel blue this evening.  Out of sorts.  Adrift.  The news of the two bombings in Israel really got under my skin today.  I have been extremely critical of the Israeli gov't in recent years but I am starting to have the kind of violent reactionary thoughts about the radical palestinian factions that I condemn in others.  It makes me so angry -- and not just because of the tragedy of the deaths of innocents on both sides.  It makes me so angry because every attacks makes a peaceful solution that much less likely.  Feeling angry and hopeless about that I guess.

I also have to admit I have been less than diligent about taking my meds over the last several months. Plain old garden variety stupidity and self-sabotage.  With the days getting noticably shorter it is like playing russian roulette with my emotional health.  I think I need to get my light box out of the attic and set it up next to my computer. 

When I was at the folk festival on Sunday staffing the cohousing display I saw a family of four each carrying red, white and blue BUSH 2004  helium balloons. [Turns out the local cheap labor conservatives had a booth just a few doors down from ours].  I had such a string visceral reaction of anger upon seeing those balloons.  I just wanted to march up to their tanned and blond selves and shout, "Are you freakin' kidding me!?!?!  I mean, on what planet is THAT a good idea!?!?!"  But they were walking with their little ones and I was too angry to get into it in any kind of sane way.  So instead I just seethed all day watching those balloons.  I knew damn well that a certain percentage of folks getting those balloons didn't have a choice in the matter. When you are walking around with a little kid at a festival or fair and someone is giving away helium balloons -- well, you have limited options. [Your integrity vs a temper tantrum in a crowded asphalt parking lot on a 90-plus degree day...]  Still ....

Random, mundane, probably boring as hell ... that's all I gots to give right now luvies....

later gators...

7:20:44 PM    

Politicked out for the time being.  Tired.  Sleepy tired and emotionally really worn out.  Have been negligent in taking my meds every day and is starting to take a toll.  Feeling indecisive and pulled in half a dozen directions.  Feel like I need 48 hours all to myself.  No house, no scratchy dog pushing her nose up under my hands to pet her, no cats mewing to be fed 6x a day or sitting on top of my keyboard demanding my attention, no dishes to be done or floors to be swept or phone calls to make or laundry to be done or 4 yr old little guy to entertain.  Just me.  I need it now but am not likely to get it for a couple of months.  Just too much going on.  My dad is still in the states, TBG is in the middle of rebuilding our front porch, the new school year starts soon and i have a to-do list 3 pages long of all the things I have volunteered to help with over the next couple of months.  Over-extended again.  tired.  need to be taking my damn meds... need to be better at listening to myself and taking care of myself.

10:21:52 PM    

Because I can't seem to write anything of value today anyway...

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?

Well I have been to many interesting places in the world, but the last one visited was not so exciting.  Last out-of-state venture was just a week ago -- a road trip with TLG to Ohio to see my sister and her family.  Last out-of-country venture, hmmm ... Probably the fall of '98. I was in Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire, making arrangements for the  Microcredit Summit  Meeting of Councils to take place at the Hotel Ivoire in the summer of '99.

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?

Oh my, the stories I could tell... I did fall into an open sewer in Kumasi, Ghana while trying to take a portrait photo of an Ashanti Village Elder.  [The photos at this link are not mine]

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?

Africa.  Again. And I would travel over every inch.  After that, Australia and mostly just to go here  and especially here.  Dorky I know.  But I have a soft spot for the Irwins and petting a tiger is on my list of must-do's before my time here is up.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?

Car [as long as I am driving], train and then plane.  In that order.

5. What's the next place on your list to visit?

With TLG, Dinosaur National Monument.  Just me and TBG without the little guy?  We would love to hit New Orleans again.  Or Amsterdam again.  Two fun towns with great food.  

11:31:56 PM    

Sitting here, TLG next to me as usual, pushing some lego train cars across the one small clear spot on my desk.  It's quiet in the house with the exception of the intermittant growl of the sawzall.  TBG is on what's left of the porch roof and huge chunks of wood and shingles periodically fall past my window as the room I am sitting in gets brighter and brighter as more sunlight is able to stream in.  The time has come to tear down our dilapidated front porch and rebuild it.  TBG has taken advantage of my Dad's visit to get some work done. 

I feel stupidly sleepy considering I got a lovely 9 hours sleep.  I think it's probably emotional rather than physical fatigue. 

Didn't make it to the Dean Meet-up last night.  TBG was later coming home from work and I was crampy and pissy.  There's always next month.  In reality I've already taken too much on as it is.

Been ruminating on two issues that I hope to post on when I am feeling less lethargic and foggy.  One, I am really curious about this whole "democrats are soft on national defense" meme.  I mean I'm 35 years old and don't think I have had my head in a bucket for most of my adult life and yet, personally, I haven't seen any evidence of this.  I don't understand where it comes from and why it seems to have such a hold on the public consciousness.  Second, I have been thinking a lot about anger as a fuel for action.  I hope to do some writing on both these some time in the next couple of days. 

Finally, a request to me readers.  I see that my traffic stats are very slowly rising and that, of course, delights me.  I would be so grateful to the folks that drop in if they would leave a brief note in the comments to indicate whether they like/dislike/are bored by/intrigued by what they see here.    A little input would go a long way right now.

later luv pups...

3:04:18 PM    

My eyes throb like I've been crying all day.  Which I haven't been.  Not all day, anyway.  But it has been an emotional 24 hours.  My Dad [here for his yearly visit from Israel] have been butting heads all day.  So badly that I called my therapist mid afternoon and she agreed to see me this afternoon.  36-friggin years old and my dad's "constructive" criticism still sends me tumbling down that dark, cold, well of self-loathing.   He and I had it out a bit and I think he will lay off some.  At least TLG is enjoying having his "saba" here. [Hebrew for Grandfather].

Straight from my therapists office to the meeting that I alluded to mysteriously yesterday.  It's official: I will be serving as Campaign Manager for a local guy who will run for City Council in our fair little town.  I've never done anything exactly like this before, though I have done some grassroots organizing and advocacy work.  But I think the guy in question will be a good Councilperson, and working on his campaign will be a fun, 3 month gig.  [It's a volunteer position of course, no paid staff on a campaign this local.]  We had an initial strategy session tonight.  He seemed really pleased with the ideas and insights I brought to the table. 

In any case it's been a long and more-intense-than-usual 24 hours.  I am still hoping to go to the Dean Meet-up tomorrow night.  I enjoyed volunteering for the Bradley Campaign in 99-2000 so I would like to do some Dean work too.  We'll see how I feel tomorrow night...

11:21:49 PM