I know this is probably bad for me

Ibyx: a selection

I was born in Israel just weeks after the Six Day War.
My name means "female deer."
I've lived in the US since I was an infant.
I have dual citizenship in Israel and the US.
My family moved around a great deal while I was a kid; I went to 4 different elementary schools in 2 states.
I had my first boyfriend in 1st grade. His name was Andre. I broke up with him one day at recess when I was on the swings and he sang, "I see London, I see France, I see your underpants"
I never could climb the ropes in gym class; and I was usually one of the last kids picked for a team.
My favorite place that we lived when I was a child was a tiny town in New York State. My parents owned a little general store and deli that we lived above in an apartment. It was wonderful having your own store to play in. My favorite deliveries were the ice cream man and the comics. The ice cream man always gave us a ride on his hand cart.
I had a puppy, Boots, and a pony, Sherita, and a billy goat that ate the poison sumac that grew in the back yard.
I started taking flute lessons when I was 7 because I saw a symphony performed on the TV and I was enchanted with it. I now own two flutes -- both badly in need of repair. Though I haven't played in ages my fingers still remember all the notes.
When I was a child I had panic attacks -- though I didn't know what they were at the time. I called them my "fast things" because everything felt so fast and so loud. It terrified me but I didn't know how to explain to my parents so I told them I had nightmares.
I got my first job at 16, scooping ice cream and decorating cakes at a Baskin Robbins ice cream store.
Prior to working at Baskin Robbins the only two flavors of ice cream I ever ate were French Vanilla and Milk Chocolate chip.
I soon discovered the magic that is chocolate.
You would think working at an ice cream store would be a happy place.
It isn't.
The owner used to measure how much ice cream was left in each tub every night and compare that against the daily sales to make sure we weren't making the scoops too big.
Lots of cranky people buy ice cream.
For highschool I went to a special science and technology magnet school. While there I took 4 years of math, 2 years of Chemistry, 2 years of Biology, as well as Microbiology, Physiology, Physics and engineering classes. I tolerated those classes and enjoyed Drama and English.
I was involved in Drama -- not Musical Theatre. They were two very different crowds of people. Drama folks staged Shakespeare and Moliere with small intense casts. Musical theatre folks staged lavish productions of "Anything Goes" and "Hello Dolly" that involved a cast of dozens as well as the school orchestra.
The highlight of highschool for me was starring in "The Rainmaker" my senior year and being Assistant Director of "Crimes of the Heart."
After highschool I spent a year in Israel on a program from a Jewish youth group I was involved. While there I lived in Jerusalem, on a Kibbutz in the north, a Moshav in the South [where I learned to care for hothouse long-stemmed roses and developed a taste for Moroccan food] and volunteered in a public school in Tiberias where I served as the very first English teacher for 4 children recently immigrated from Ethiopia. I had no idea what i was doing. But I enjoyed hanging out with them.
For some reason -- and despite being an excellent student -- I was completely out-to-lunch when it came to applying to college. It was November of my senior year before I realized that my peers were all involved in a process of choosing schools and applying. I polled 6 of my friends on the schools they were applying to and wrote away for the applications for each of their first choices. The only application I completed was the University of Pennsylvania [it had the first deadline.] I was accepted. They sent sent a bill [estimate] for the first year's tuition. I think it was $17,000. I tore up the letter and left for Israel.
While in Israel, I applied to my state University and was accepted.
I lived at home and commuted to college [30 min each way] for the first two years. I entered school as a theatre major -- set on being an actress.
During my first semester of college I took a philosophy class on "Plato's Republic" to meet some kind of requirement. I loved it.
Despite the fact that I was acting fairly steadily in local community theatre productions, I was making no progress with the theatre department on campus.
Alternatively, I had several philosophy professors asking me when I was going to switch my major.
So I did.
The first time I realized I might need the help of a mental health professional, I was a sophomore in college. I was taking 7 classes, getting straight A's and working 3 jobs. Driving home alone from my boyfriend's house one night, I dissolved into sobs and had a sudden urge to veer into oncoming traffic.
I didn't.
In order to get a referral to a therapist that would be covered by my parent's insurance I first needed to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.
It was the single worst 45 minutes I have ever experienced at the hands of a medical professional.
In the intervening decade I have since seen 2 other psychiatrists.
If my best friend from high school had not ended up a psychiatrist I would have an extremely poor opinion of the field.
I can not overstate the amount of relief and gratitude I felt when I walked into my therapist's office and first received the diagnosis that I was suffering from depression.

continued here