NO PROTECTION

I was over at Sgt. Stryker's Daily Briefing, where I read an interesting piece on the speech restrictions faced by US soldiers. Being former Navy, myself, this reminded me of a broader point that would occur to me every now and again while I was serving.

When you join the US Armed Forces, you take an oath to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. In return for your devotion, the Constitution will no longer protect you. You may not speak, or write, or assemble, or pray, or keep/bear arms, or be secure in your person/papers/houses, except as a privilege granted by your superiors and ruled over by one of the most merciless documents ever scripted: The Uniform Code of Military Justice.

Just take a quick breeze through the Punitive Articles, and marvel at the array of relatively common civilian behaviors that gets a soldier some serious trouble. Talk back to a superior - jail time. Late for work - jail time. Creative sex with your wife - jail time.

Look at article 100. You can be executed for taking down the flag at the wrong time.

Of course, all this is absolutely necessary to make the Armed Services an effective engine of destruction in pursuit of its mission to protect the US. There's no way around it. Running a hippy commune ain't gonna get the job done, and that's not my point.

My point is that I'd just like for American civilians to appreciate the fact that, although good soldiers often say, "I'm just doing my job," they are NOT doing a JOB. A job is something you can quit when you have a bad day. These men are voluntary indentured servants, and they serve at the whim and need of the government and they've surrendered every single Constitutional protection that they used to enjoy and take for granted. In exchange, the have the job description of "taking a bullet" for $20,000 a year in salary.

What sane person would sign up for that?

A Patriot.

And God bless them all.

NO, WE'RE NOT CRAZY

Dana's a little worried about us, what with our asking and answering our own questions. There's actually a simple explanation. We've been fighting this Blog War way too long. All that close combat with InstaSybil, and his MPD is starting to rub off on us. But I think we'll recover, won't we Harv?

Damn right, Harv.

Anway, she's also disappointed that I'm less than fond of Trading Spaces. She says it's a wonderful show that's actually inspired her to do some redecorating around the house.

That's exactly the problem. It gives women decorating ideas.

Remember the last time my Beloved Wife got a decorating idea?

SHOPPING TIP

When shopping for new tires for your car or truck, look carefully at the tread pattern. Always select the one that would look better on a hippy.

SIMPSON DRINKS

One of my co-workers is thrilled that season 3 of the Simpsons is out on DVD now. He's having a party and serving martinis to celebrate.

Also, Blackfive (love that new logo, Matt) is celebrating... well, drinking in general, in his fine Irish style. He even includes a good martini recipe:

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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

(introduction)

A kiss is just another reminder that two heads are better than one.

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY



[I'm in Saturday school at West Aurora High School in Aurora IL this bill was already looking rough when I got it. E-mail CLpurtiboi@yahoo.com let me know]

Sadly, the only response was from spammers advertising "XXX Black Peeing Porn".

MNF

First, my condolences to Matt for being a nice guy who has the misfortune to be backing a football team in a basketball state.

Second, Matt, I just need a favor. You know that razor-sharp, ball-catching, wide-open-receiver-getting, run-stuffing, quarterback-crushing team that was running around Soldier Field last night? Yeah, that one. Make sure THAT'S the team you send back to Green Bay.

On a serious note, I really liked the new Soldier field. That's a stadium you can be proud of. I hope that someday (not TOO soon), you have a Bears team that'll be as good.

THE IRAQI QUAGMIRE

Why is it taking "so long" for things to get better in Iraq? Stephen has the answer:

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For 25 years, the people of Iraq lived under the most brutal and harsh of oppression. Anyone who drew any attention and suspicion at all would vanish in the night, or be taken away publicly in daylight. Some people were taken pretty much at random, tortured, and released just so everyone else would remain in fear of the government. Some people were forced to watch their own children be tortured; some such children were maimed or killed. In a situation like that, everyone learns to be extremely scrupulous about saying and doing exactly what they think those in power want them to. When any hint of dissent leads to a horrible death, you don't tend to get many dissenters. And if you hold such an opinion, you lock it deep inside yourself and try to suppress it.

So they're not used to thinking for themselves, and making decisions for themselves. They're not used to being free.

*********

But things are changing, and after a few months of the populace watching each other NOT being executed for exercising their freedom of speech, the larger mass of the citizens is starting to believe that they finally are free.

Belief isn't enough, however. Exercising your freedom is actually an acquired skill, and there are things that will take time for the Iraqis to learn:

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The IPO people went to Iraq with clear goals. First, they wanted to establish debating societies and newsletters in the Baghdad universities. "These are going to be the seeds of democracy," Yasser explains. "Once you learn to argue against people instead of killing them as Saddam did, you're on your way. We explained to the university students that they could have different newspapers - and even have different opinions in the same newspapers - and it seemed totally surreal to them. They just couldn't understand it. But when they realised that it really was possible and nobody was going to punish them, they were so excited that they were just obsessed.

"They were in the middle of their exams and supposed to be studying, but they insisted on writing and photocopying a newsletter that they distributed everywhere. They wrote articles on amazing things they could find out about on the internet - philosophy and art and the difference between proportional representation and first-past-the-post! It was the best thing in my life, seeing that," Yasser says.

These are things we all take for granted. We grow up in a free society and learn these skills as children. But the students at those Iraqi universities were all born after Saddam took power, and until the invasion, they never knew anything except his oppression. It was a revelation to them that you could disagree with one another. You could even do it in print!

You could get onto the web; you could read any web site you wanted! You could seek out things you were curious about, and no one would monitor you to see if you were subversive! These things we take for granted. These things are completely new to them.

*********

Things might be going slowly in Iraq, but they are also going much better than the critics would have you believe. I'd really like to thank Stephen for writing this piece, because I never thought of freedom as being a set of acquired skills before, and I really like it when I read something that makes me think a new thought.

I wish he had a tip jar.

LUCKY BEARS FAN

I was all set to rip Matt a new one for dissing the Packers... then it hit me:

1) He wasn't dissing Brett Favre personally, which is all I ever cautioned him about.

2) He's right. As a team, the Pack is sucking like a 12 Hp Hoover. Hell, if they go 8-8 this year, I'll be relieved.

So I have to tweak him for backing the Bears (it's a cheesehead-flatlander thing), but I've got no ammo, so... Oh, wait... I know:

Our quarterback throws better blocks than your quarterback.

HA!

TODAY'S LOVE NOTE

"The soul that can speak through the eyes can also kiss with a gaze"

[I added the following]

:-) You give good gaze :-)

LOVE NOTES: INTRODUCTION

On my refrigerator, there's a little plastic novelty magnet in the shape of a mailbox, complete with a little red flag that can be placed in the up or down position. When I first got married, I used to write little love notes to my wife, place them inside, put the flag up & wait for my wife to discover them. She really liked that.

Well, it didn't take long for my creative well to run dry, so I started searching the internet for sweet sayings that actually reflected my feelings. I'd print them out, cut them into little strips, and tuck them into the mailbox. Beloved Wife liked that, too.

After a couple years, I discovered that there are really only a few hundred different ways that I could say "I love you", and I got tired of searching one lame list after another looking for something new. Despite the fact that the internet is nearly infinite, the creativity of its authors is not, and lists of favorite quotes tended to be repetiitve.

My beloved wife, being a bit of a pack rat, kept nearly all those little slips of paper. So, in an effort to remind her that I DO love her, even though I spend so much time on "that damn computer", I'm going to start posting them. After all, I DO still feel "that way" about her, so I might as well tell the world.

If sappy stuff isn't your cup o' tea, you can skip these posts. On the other hand, you may find something that strikes a chord in your own heart. If so, feel free to use them (you don't have to give me credit, since they're not my original work, anyway) or you can e-mail your own beloved with a link and say, "I read this and thought of you".

They'll probably like that.

200 WORDS OR LESS:

FASHION

Today's question comes from the book, "Romantic Questions" page 100:

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#3: If you could dress your partner, how would you dress him/her?

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un

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY

 

Yet another rejected slogan for Clinton's '96 campaign.

HQ ROUND-UP

A collection of filthy lies.

A question on the possible new future direction of the Alliance. Very important. Go look and put your 2 cents in.

A new assignment in honor of Frank's launching of Front Line Voices (which already has some terrific content posted):

What song(s) would you put on the CD, “Music to Whack Terrorists By”?

This assignment is open to non-bloggers as well via the comments, so you blogless lurkers (brother Tom, nephew Mike, dear old friend Kevin, all my former chess club teammates) should feel free to stop by & support the troops.

JOEY NEEDS PSYCHIATRIC HELP

Looks like Joey's alternate personality is... me. (Friday Sept 26 if PAB, scroll down a bit, no title)

note to Joey's mom: smarty-pants needs to meet with the "board of education."

JOEY IS VOTERRIFIC

The Single White Male found out that you don't actually have to be 18 to register to vote, and thus he did so. (Friday Sept 26 if PAB)

HOW TO BE A CHICK MAGNET

America's #1 pin-up girl has some serious advice for guys on how to impress the ladies. Better read it or you'll never wind up in her Dream Harem.

SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, NOW LET IT GO

American RealPolitik has a quote from a piece from by Denis Boyles that appeared in National Review Online. It draws an interesting analogy:

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...I worked as advice columnist for a popular men's magazine. There I discovered that guys really only have two questions: Is it okay to cheat on my wife/girlfriend/cellmate? The answer was always no, of course. The second question: My girlfriend left me. What can I do? The answer to that one was always, "Nothing."

**********

He goes on to compare the US & UN as the metaphorical unhappy couple. It'll take about 45 seconds of your time to read, and it's worth it. If you really enjoy it, there's a link to the entire essay.

TODAY'S HAPPY THOUGHT

Qibbles & Bits brings you Osama in Hell. Oh, this is sweet.

********

The man laughed.

“You don’t get it, do you?” the man asked.

Osama’s eyes narrowed. He lunged at the man. His chains suddenly weighed his wrists and dragged him to the floor. He ankle chains suddenly stretched and Osama found himself stretched taut over a vast crevass. The stench of sulphur and burnt flesh filled his nostrils.

“What is this?!” he screamed, his eyes wide with fright, “Where is my reward!?”

“This is your reward, you damned fool,” the man said. “Eternal pain. Eternal denial of Paradise. Eternal denial of the Glory of God.”

Osama scowled. “I have waged jihad. I have sacrificed to advance the cause of Islam. I am shaheed!”

The man leaned close. Fire lit his eyes from within. He grinned, showing sharp teeth.

“No, Osama. You did not wage Jihad. You murdered. You sacrificed others to a bent version of Islam. You died a criminal, and an enemy, to both living men and to God. To Allah.”

********

Flames & sulfur are just the beginning. The ending it too perfect. Go read, the whole thing.

REAL ESCHER

American Digest has found another one. This time a doghouse built based on the "impossible box" optical illusion.

It's a head-scratcher.

200 WORDS OR LESS:

EITHER/OR

Today's question comes from the book, "Romantic Questions" page 35:

*************

#5 Which are you more afraid of: cancer or impotence?

*************

Well, there's a pleasant thought.

You know, there are some decisions a man simply shouldn't have to make. That's one. Others would include:

Hernias or leprosy

Tetanus or prison sex

Gangrene or a night alone with Michael at the Neverland Ranch

Athlete's foot or dandruff

Paper cuts or unpaid overtime

Listening to any Jesse Jackson speech or having duct tape removed from my very hairy forearm

Shaving cuts or a football in the groin

Holding my wife's purse while she shops or hammering my thumb

Changing a flat on I-90 during rush hour or attending mandatory "sensitivity training"

Eating tofu or wrestling a rabid St. Bernard

Installing a ceiling fan or trying to explain why Monty Python is funny

Being dropped into a pool of pirahna or an Al Gore presidency

Watching a Truth.com commercial or watching Teletubbies

A hornet's nest in my shorts or forgetting my wife's birthday

Having the cat pee on my bed while I'm in it or a vacation in France

Smelling a hippy or listening to a hippy

Clowns or mimes

Watching "Trading Spaces" or watching "While You Were Out"

*************

Feel free to suggest other horrid choices in the comments.

BAD MONEY FAN CURRENCY

Don of Anger Management e-mailed me with a suggestion recently:

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Maybe I'm way behind, but how about a Bad Money contest where we bloggers draw crazy stuff on our money, post to to our blogs, and wait...probably a long long time...to see whose money reaches you first.  Even if it didn't work it'd be fun.  Besides, you'd think the chances that some blogger's bad money would reach another blogger have got to be somewhat within the realm of possibility.  Just a thought.

**********

I thought it was interesting, but, given the vagaries of currency circulation, a bit impractical. However, it did make me think of a way for other bloggers to get into the graffiti currency groove, if they want to.

Here's the deal. If you post a picture of graffiti currency on your own blog and send me a permalink via e-mail or in the comments (which get e-mailed to me automatically) I will link to your post. All posts of which I am notified will receive linkage, regardless of quality. If your picture inspires me to caption, you'll recieve credit and linkage in the "Today's Graffiti Currency" post. The blogless are also encouraged to submit their discoveries.

Due to annoying Federal laws against defacing government property, blah, blah, blah, I can't encourage you to CREATE your own graffiti currency, but if you "find" something interesting, let me know.

Latvians and other international readers are also encouraged to participate, as the corrupted currency does not have to be American.

TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY



Apparently it was good for George.

THE THONG THING

SUSIE WINS!

Pictures will be forthcoming, yes?

HAREM BOY

WHOO-HOO! Dana wants me in her Fantasy Harem! I haven't been this thrilled and flattered since my wife said "yes" to me about 5 years ago. And *ahem* every other time she's said yes ;-)

So, as a service to America's #1 pin-up girl, I'm going to try give her an image to fantasize over. I've been told that I look like the following people:

Michael Gross (the dad on Family Ties)

Christopher Lloyd (during his "Taxi" years, not his more famous role as Doc Brown in "Back to the Future")

Abraham Lincoln

So basically, 5'10", 160, high forehead (hairline receding, but no bald spot - Rogaine seems to be working so far), dark brown (almost black) hair with some random gray strands coming in at the sides, brown eyes, and neatly trimmed full beard (still all brown).

Hope that helps.

Oh, and of the 3, Michael Gross is damn near a spot-on match. But I have more hair, less gray, and a fuller beard. Still, if I had that pic on my driver's license, I don't think anyone would question it.