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Bad Money
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Thursday, November 27, 2003
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CARNIVAL #62
Up & running at Setting the World to Rights. I must admit, the intros tended more towards the "poke the writer in the ribs" side than usual. It was like a Bonfire writ large. And for my part, I enjoyed the intros more than a lot of the entries. I had some trouble finding anything I liked (well, except the spanking posts, of course). Probably because I'm in a fairly chipper mood right now, and most of the entries seemed heavy & dour. Nevertheless, I DID like this one. A short bit of humor, and besides, I think I knew that girl...
posted by Harvey at 11:37:35 AM permalink
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THE BEST REASON TO WEAR LINGERIE
My partner forced me to wear it, thus making me look and feel like a libidinous man's plaything, becoming nothing more than a sexual object in his eyes
I'm taking this line out of context from a post at Meryl's which I found via Kevin. I like it better this way, because in the original post, it was written so as to be a BAD thing.
posted by Harvey at 9:30:51 AM permalink
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THANKSGIVING IN A NUTSHELL
Lynn says it best. The other 364 days a year, we work and plan and schedule and worry and fuss:
********
And then there's Thanksgiving. A lot of planning goes into our big celebrations but once the day is here everything stops. It's almost like going back in time. Families get together and really spend time together. We actually talk. Nothing deep. Why spoil the day with too much seriousness? We talk about the food, how tight our clothes are getting, how fast the kids are growing; we re-tell the same stories we have told on every other Thanksgiving we can remember. It doesn't matter what we talk about. What's important is that we're relaxing and spending time together without feeling guilty about not being somewhere else.
********
posted by Harvey at 9:08:59 AM permalink
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Wednesday, November 26, 2003
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PIRACY!
(A FILTHY LIE)
So I was chatting with Blogless Brother Tom the other night, and it seems he's had another run-in with Evil Glenn. He'd been struggling with the set-up of his new Hackmaster 3000 Hi-Speed CD-ROM Cloning Machine...
Tom: YARRR! Shiver me timbers! Another blue screen o' death! And another half-hour wasted fiddling with this monstrosity! I'm already behind on that Hong Kong order as it is... Where did I put those instructions?
[flipping up eye-patch, revealing a good eye]
[RING... RING... RING...]
Tom: Crap! Now what? I hope it's not Gates whining about licensing fees again. $300 billion in the bank and that pussy keeps carping about a few crates of illicit knock-offs...
[reaching for the phone & knocking over a stack of CD's crudely hand-labeled "Micorsoft Windoos 2000"]
Tom: Hello?
Evil Glenn: Hey Cap'n Yo Ho. Nice eye patch. Did that parrot come with the outfit or did you steal him from a Monty Python sketch?
Tom: Blow me, Puppy Blender. I'll have you know that this is traditional ceremonial garb in my line of work, and... wait a minute... how did you know what I'm wearing?
Evil Glenn: Check the web cam behind ya, Long John.
Tom [spinning around and squinting at his computer]: What the...? How did you get control of my web cam, you commie lovin', Robot Dancing bastard?
Evil Glenn: Same way I hacked your Currency Freak brother - you clicked when you should've clacked. Gotta be careful opening attachments in those "free pr0n" e-mails.
Tom: I was researching my novel!
Evil Glenn: Whatever. *slurrrrp* - *spitooie!*
Tom: EWWWW! WHAT was that disgusting sound?
Evil Glenn: Just doing a little product development on my PuppyGainer 2000 Power Shake product. We're still having a little trouble getting the toenails out during the filtering process.
Tom: Well, dog-breath, I'd love to sit here being revolted all night, but a cloner's work is never done. I've to places to go, people to swindle, and copyrights to infringe. Here - enjoy my cat's ass for a while.
[chucking web-cam into a nearby litter box]
Evil Glenn: How dare you resist my intrusive invasion of your privacy! I have every right to enter your home against your wishes at the time and method of my choosing! The Telemarketer's Guild shall hear of your insolence and you'll go as deaf as Rush Limbaugh from the cacauphonous din of unwanted insurance salesmen! You dirty, double-crossing, disrespectful dirt-bag!
Tom: Pirate!
[click]
INSTAPUNDO DELENDA YARRRR!
posted by Harvey at 11:21:16 PM permalink
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bed rock!
posted by Harvey at 11:08:08 PM permalink
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HEATHER PUTS OUT...
... a post at Angelweave explaining that her Christmas card list is too short. So, if you would like a Christmas card from her, all you have to do is tell her where to send it. Yes, I'm being serious for a change.
She's such a sweetie :-)
posted by Harvey at 7:53:02 AM permalink
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NEW BLOG SHOWCASE VOTE ATTEMPT & TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY
After Susie's ass-burning on the voting issue yesterday, I checked the trackbacks to her post & noticed that Denita had immediately gone out & voted. I looked at the Black & Decker piece she recommended - DAMN funny! The only trouble is that the permalink listed at the Bear's showcase is to the blog & not the actual post (although the post is on top of the blog right now, so you don't really notice).
I e-mailed the Bear about the problem (although more complaints might be helpful, since he hibernates during the week, and this really shouldn't wait), so hopefully this will get straightened out, because even though Denita has links to both the Bear-provided link and the actual permalink, her vote didn't count yet.
So bug the Bear, and I'll keep an eye on the situation.
posted by Harvey at 7:04:26 AM permalink
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MY NEW WORLD ORDER UNLEASHES A CAN O’WUPASS
Ok, you assgoblin anti-war protesters, I’m gonna give you what you always wanted - I’m going to stifle your dissent, just like the tin-foil-hat-wearing panic-mongers have been claiming would always happen under the EEEEEVIL John Ashcroft. The soon-to-be-passed American Sharia laws will unleash cruel and unusual punishments for your unpatriotic displays:
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, PARTICIPATION IN ANY ANTI-WAR PROTEST ACTIVITY WILL RESULT IN PUNISHMENT ACCORDING TO THE FOLLOWING SCHEDULE:
First offense: a dirty look
Second offense: a 5 minute “time out”
Third offense: a stern talking-to
Fourth offense: no dessert
Fifth offense: a 10 o’clock curfew
Sixth offense: sent to your room
Seventh offense: loss of cell phone privileges for 2 days
EightH offense: When I was your age, I respected my elders!
Ninth offense: Are you listening to me?
Tenth offense: Fine! F*** you! You had your chance! – First, we’re gonna handcuff you to this chair and make you listen to Rush Limbaugh for 96 hours straight, then we’re gonna make you bathe WITHOUT using patchouli oil, then you'll get a haircut, a real job, and you WILL start paying rent, young man!
Eleventh offense: Death by Bulunga!
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
posted by Harvey at 12:20:19 AM permalink
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Tuesday, November 25, 2003
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Now, when you say "never work again", do you mean as in "won the lottery", or as in "Michael Jackson"?
posted by Harvey at 11:45:24 PM permalink
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RULES OF GUNFIGHTING
Via Boots & Sabers, I found this list, part of which I will share:
*************
11. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
12. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
13. Have a plan.
14. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
*************
Oh, and the one that's not on the list that I got from watching Raiders of the Lost Ark:
Never bring a sword to a gun fight.
posted by Harvey at 11:11:25 PM permalink
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WHY ME NOT LAUGH?
With the brilliant exception of today's In My World ("Uh,... copper is a type of rubber"), Frank J. has spent a lot of time either not posting or making excuses for not being funny, neither of which is really in character for him. I've been really confused...
Then I discovered the truth.
Look, I know Frank has had a serious phobia about monkeys for a long time, but recently it's degenerated into a sick, tragic, obsessive-compulsive problem that's starting to tear his life apart.
Fortunately, he's getting some help now, which is the real reason posting is going to be light at IMAO for the next few days.
Godspeed Frank, get well soon. If Rush can do it, you can, too.
posted by Harvey at 11:05:50 PM permalink
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CAPTION THIS...
Picture that I got from my Blogless Brother Roy:
posted by Harvey at 10:48:18 PM permalink
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EXPOSED!
Beth of She Who Will Be Obeyed suspects that I blog nekkid just because I post love notes to my Beloved Wife all the time.
Possibly.
But I will confess to being nekkid before tonight's blogging session.
A - B - C - D...
posted by Harvey at 10:36:46 PM permalink
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BREAKING NEWS ! - JOHN F. KENNEDY IS STILL DEAD!
So it's the 40th anniversary of JFK's death. For those who remember, it's a major event. For those not yet born, it's kind of a dull topic. Look, I understand some of you had feelings for JFK. That's all good. But for those of us who thought he was as over-rated as a Michael Moore documentary, read Steve's take on it.
posted by Harvey at 10:26:57 PM permalink
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FUN LITTLE TIME WASTER
When I was in kindergarten, I used to make paper snowflakes. It was pretty cool, but quite time consuming, and my designs always seemed fairly lame.
Thanks to the currently vacationing Trey Givens, I found a place where you can make virtual paper snowflakes (Flash 6 required, download available at link). It's much faster than the real thing, and you don't have to clean up that scrappy-paper mess afterwards. Plus you can preview you flake, to see if your design is on the right track.
So go play in the snow :-)
posted by Harvey at 10:22:38 PM permalink
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THIS JUST MAKES ME TINGLE
Via American Digest, I discovered that we're developing a new weapons system
**********
The US military has begun development of an ultra-high speed weapons system that would enable targets virtually anywhere on Earth to be hit within two hours of launch from the continental US.
**********
Bring. It. On.
posted by Harvey at 10:13:40 PM permalink
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HOW DO YOU MOVE A STUBBORN MOOSE?
The answer to this question, as well as the continuing saga of America's invasion of Canada, can be found in the long-awaited (VERY long-awaited) part 4 of "2015", now available at BigStick.US.
Be sure to look for the Monty Python reference.
UPDATE: WOW! Part 5 is already up, too. I haven't had the chance to read it yet, but Jeff has a deft sense of comedy, and... wait, why don't I just read it quick... nope, must blog, no time. But having read the first few lines, I feel safe in recommending it:
************
"Outrageous!" screamed the French foreign minister. "Zees is not acceptable! Ze United States has gone mad wiz ze powair!"
"I appreciate the comment," said the Secretary General, "but can you quit with the stupid accent?"
"Alright, fine." replied Minister Pierre Douverac, "as long as I can still wear the makeup and the dress."
************
Also, Jeff promises to keep the new episodes coming out faster in the future so that you don't forget where you are in the story.
If you like the story, feel free to jingle Jeff's "help me buy a camera" tip jar. A couple bucks, $1 dollar, or even just round off the cents in your PayPal balance. Every little bit helps. And remember, since he's begging & desperate, you can hit him up for links, some banner design help, or even some obscene sexual favors in exchange for the money. Take full advantage of his weak bargaining position.
And if you'd like to start from the beginning, here's a link to the "2015" Category, wherein the whole saga can be found. Start at the bottom & work your way up.
posted by Harvey at 10:05:18 PM permalink
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SOUTHERN SURVIVOR
Via Blogless Brother Roy:
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Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, several southern TV stations
are joining together and are planning to do their own, entitled "Survivor:
Southern Style."
The contestants will start in Alabama, travel over to Georgia and on to
South Carolina. From there they will head up to North Carolina and over to
Tennessee. They will then proceed down to Mississippi and Louisiana, finally
ending up back over in Alabama.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates and large
bumper stickers that read: I'm Gay, I'm a Vegetarian, NASCAR Sucks, Go
Yankees! Smoking is for Idiots, Hillary in 2004, Deer Hunting is Murder, and
I'm Here to Confiscate Your Guns!
The first one that makes it back to Montgomery--alive--wins.
***************
posted by Harvey at 9:40:29 PM permalink
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
To wish is to wish for you
To sleep is to dream of you
To live is to wait for you
To smile is to think of you
posted by Harvey at 6:00:34 PM permalink
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Monday, November 24, 2003
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THIS IS JUST UN-AMERICAN
Heather alerted me to the fact that Burger King will now be allowing women to breast-feed in their restaurants. She seems a little disenchanted at the notion, and even created a little symbol to designate the non-breast-feeding section of the restaurant.
Very cute.
But also highly offensive. You see, here at Bad Money, we (ok, me) support and encourage the de-bra-ification of breasts any time, anywhere, for any reason, or no reason at all. I run a boobie-friendly blog, and I think all women who visit here should feel free to run around topless (just like Susie). In fact, I've even got my own logo:
So if you run a boobie-friendly blog, feel free to use this to let women know that you support their right to unsupported breast exposure.
FREE THE BOOBIES!
posted by Harvey at 11:20:01 PM permalink
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HIJACKED!
Boy, I just turned my back for 2 minutes, and the next thing you know, that bastard Bartender starts spamming my blog with this crap:
**********
Madfish Willie's is starting a "send me your posts" LinkLoveFest!
Tales From The Champagne Room!
[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!]
Read through these previous posts of The Champagne Room to get an idea of what I'm looking for. To be linked in The Champagne Room post just e-mail the link(s) to your post(s) by Saturday 12:00 noon and I'll include you in the weekly LinkLoveFest on Sunday. Thanks to everyone who have sent me links in the past and I'll be looking forward to more of your Tales From The Champagne Room!
*************
I don't know what kind of virus that booze-pimping freak attached, but I can't delete this junk!
Ah, screw it! Considering I've been posting nothing but smut for the last couple days, I might as well join the party...
You should too. I mean, sex once a week ain't THAT much to ask :-)
posted by Harvey at 10:39:46 PM permalink
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TODAY'S LOVE NOTE
(Introduction)
I cannot exist without you
I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again
My life seems to stop there
I see no further.
You have absorbed me.
I have a sensation at the present moment as though I were dissolving
I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for religion
I have shuddered at it
I shudder no more
I could be martyred for my religion
Love is my religion
I could die for that
I could die for you
My creed is love, and you are its only tenet
You have ravished me away by a power I cannot resist.
posted by Harvey at 8:18:38 PM permalink
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TODAY’S GRAFFITI CURRENCY
Except for Ted Kennedy, who kills both.
posted by Harvey at 8:14:14 PM permalink
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NEW BLOG SHOWCASE VOTER LINKY LOVE SOURCE CODE
<P><A href="http://www.flyingchair.net/">Flying Chair</A> (41 links) - 746 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.blackfive.net/">Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love</A> (178 links) - 736 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://angermanagement.mu.nu/">Anger Management</A> (105 links) - 391 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.taintedbill.com/">Leaning Towards the Dark Side</A> (31 links) - 332 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.patriot-paradox.com/">Patriot Paradox</A> (115 links) - 171 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://gevkaffeegal.typepad.com/the_alliance/">The Alliance</A> (163 links) - 161 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://madfishwillies.mu.nu/">Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon</A> (149 links) - 157 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://radio.weblogs.com/0126975/">Bad Money</A> (117 links) - 154 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://practicalpenumbra.mu.nu/">Practical Penumbra</A> (200 links) - 142 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.bigstick.us/">BigStick</A> (44 links) - 118 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.evangelicaloutpost.com/">the evangelical outpost</A> (69 links) - 115 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://angelweave.mu.nu/">angelweave</A> (109 links) - 113 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.pardonmyenglish.com/">Pardon My English</A> (55 links) - 111 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.seethedonkey.com/">See The Donkey</A> (26 links) - 101 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://leftcoastconservative.blogspot.com/">Left Coast Conservative</A> (102 links) - 83 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://debbyestratigacos.blogspot.com/">Being American in T.O.</A> (42 links) - 76 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://physicsgeek.blog-city.com/">physics geek</A> (34 links) - 64 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://s-train.h2cmedia.org/">The S-Train Canvass</A> (28 links) - 58 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.anenglishmanscastle.com/">An Englishman's Castle</A> (9 links) - 45 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://sugarwhitesand.com/">CandyUniverse</A> (50 links) - 43 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://civilization-calls.blogspot.com/">Civilization Calls</A> (31 links) - 35 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://winceandnod.blogspot.com/">Wince and Nod</A> (46 links) - 34 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://curi.us/domain/">curi's domain</A> (12 links) - 31 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.thepatriette.com/">The Patriette</A> (47 links) - 30 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.realitysvoice.org/blog.html">Five Wasps</A> (15 links) - 29 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.sithoughts.blogspot.com/">Semi-Intelligent Thoughts</A> (32 links) - 22 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://cavalierattitude.blogspot.com/">Cavalier Attitude</A> (6 links) - 21 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://myweb.cableone.net/luciuszedaker/">Intergalactic Capitalist</A> (23 links) - 17 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://cannon.blog-city.com/">Cannon's Canon</A> (19 links) - 17 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://irrationalnoise.com/handh.php">Hypocrisy and Hypotheses</A> (22 links) - 12 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://wasteofbandwidth.net/dseip/ssp">Shameless Self-Promotion</A> (16 links) - 11 visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://interested-participant.blogspot.com/">Interested-Participant</A> (62 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://etalkinghead.com/">eTALKINGHEAD.com: Political Commentary</A> (56 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT><BR><A href="http://www.newamericanrevolution.com/">The New American Revolutionist</A> (34 links) - visits/day <FONT color=red>V</FONT></P>
<P> </P>
posted by Harvey at 8:05:22 PM permalink
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Sunday, November 23, 2003
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BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS, BUT YOU CAN MAKE THEM DANCE
Jeff of BigStick.US is going to France to make fun of the natives and/or get an education. Trouble is, he doesn't have digital camera, so he won't be able to send us pictures to mock. So he's been reduced to begging for donations.
He sounds desperate, so you can probably extort things from him in exchange for cash.
Mheh.
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