Imagine Life Coaching

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Secret Commitment Speedbumps

While I was relaxing over the weekend, I had a chance to read some more of Debbie Ford's excellent new book: Asking the Right Questions and read through the chapter where she talks about "Underlying Commitments."

To borrow the book's terminology, "underlying commitments" are those commitments that pop up in our subconscious whenever we vehemently promise to ourselves and loved ones that we will lose weight, save money, find a new job, spend more time with our kids, create world peace etc.. and that we are (important language here) "very committed to the process" of completing this goal. We may say with all our heart, soul, and steely determination for example, that we want to lose those extra 10 lbs and get in shape, but what invariably happens while we're driving down on our "very committed" road is that our "underlying commitment" pops up like a big hairy speed bump and we slow down or take the exit to Dunkin Donutville instead of working out.

I would change Ford's commitment name tag slightly and call them our "Secret Commitments" because for many of us, these commitments stay secret until we are willing to do some personal development work and blast them out of our subconscious and into the daylight scrutiny of our conscious lives. We may say we want to shed those 10 extra pounds and get into the fitness shape of our lives, but what our "secret commitment" to our self (and never underestimate the Arnold Schwarzenegger-like strength of the secret commitment --"I'll be back" is it's mantra) might be that we feel denied by the fact that we are not in a serious romantic relationship so we're not going to deny ourselves the pleasure of biting into a double-chocolate glazed donut. So while we may be convinced that we absolutely need to lose weight, our secret commitment of feeling sorry for ourself and thus deserving of a 400 calorie donut is much, much stronger.

I've seen these secret commitments pop up time and time again like stubborn crabgrass with clients on their path to changing their lives, and here's my coaching strategy for weeding them out:

- When you hit an obstacle in your commitment road and you respond by a self-defeating behavior, write down when and what happened.

Doing this exercise for even three or four days will most likely give you a pattern of your own behavior. Be brutally honest with yourself when doing this exercise. These secret commitments love to duck and hide so you will have to dig deep inside yourself to honestly acknowledge your commitment truth. Don't be stopped by thoughts of "I must be a bad (stupid, crazy) person for having this commitment. This is one of the smokescreens secret commitments love to put up; ignore it! To borrow a phrase; the truth will set you free.

Once you've dug up your commitment truth and have written it down. Examine it ve--ry closely. What's really going on here? Is your secret commitment based on negative self-talk or even based on information that happened years ago and is no longer relevant to your life today?

Once you start exposing these secret commitment speedbumps to the light, you'll be amazed how quickly you can start to flatten them out of your life.

11:46:24 AM

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