The word. Or, in my day, things were different (really).

For whatever reason I landed up walking Tessa down to her school one day last week. I delivered her to her classroom, said goodbye and then walked across the playground on my way to the station. The children in the playground were, as one would expect, playing.

Their play was accompanied by a stream of obscenities. The children at my daughters school swear like troopers! I was taken aback at this discovery. These were primary school children. At what is one of the more upmarket schools in New Zealand.With some of the most highly educated parents. They should not be using these words! They should not know them!

That night in the car I complained to Terry “When I dropped Tessa off this morning, the children in the playground were swearing really badly.”

“Mmm” said Terry, “How so?”

“You know,” said I, “The 'F' word. 'F' this, 'F' that, don't you 'F'ing well do that. It was awful.”

“Daddy, what's the 'F' word?” asked Tessa.

Before Terry or I could even get a word in, Kylara brought her full mature seven year old expertise to bear, saying “Why, Tessa, don't you know? It's 'Fuck' – the swearword”.

“Oh, Fuck” said Tessa with a comprehension that a five year old should not have.

I burst into a paroxism of coughing.

Now I am casting my mind back through the mists of time, so I might have the minor details incorrect. But I must have been fully 12 years old before I ever heard this word. And no one at school was able to tell me how it was meant to be used. Such was my curiosity when I got home I rushed to ask my mother. I can still remember the slap – and across the years I can still hear her voice admonishing “Martin - don't you ever, ever use that word again!”.

So I didn't (especially not with the hearing range of my parents). And it took quite a lot of determined digging amongst my friends brothers before we found out what the word was all about. At about this time of my life we used to tell the following joke: “Underneath the blinking stars the bloody butcher threw the bleeding bone across the damn wall”, and laugh nervously because it was so daring and had so many swear words in it. This was as risque as it got for this twelve year old.

After my coughing fit cleared Terry and I gave both Tessa and Kylara a long lecture about the how we never ever wanted to hear them using this word again, and how it was totally unacceptable for most people to even hear it. You know, the modern equivalent to the slap my mother gave to me! They must have some idea, as although it is in conversational use during play at the school, they, until this moment, have never ever used it in our hearing range.

How things have changed. I don't know if it is for the better or the worse. But thinking about it I certainly liked the innocence and security of my childhood. And I feel saddened that it is an innocence that I have not been able to completely give to my children.

But maybe that innocence is there – requiring the effects of growing maturity and experience to scrub it away. I offer the following incident as possible proof.

Kylara has always had a keen interest in wildlife: To such an extent that she happily watches many hours of animal planet in preparation for her planned future role as a zoo keeper. Tessa, being just a little bit competitive, watches too, and proudly proclaims that she isn't just going to be a zoo keeper – she is going to be a zoo veterinarian!

Kylara and Tessa were sitting in the back seat of the car. Terry was taking them to their weekly swimming lesson. They started chatting.

“It's strange” opined Kylara, “I know all about how male animals attract females, but I don't know about humans.”

“Oh”, said Tessa.

“Oh”, said Mum.

“Yes,” continued Kylara. “I haven't worked out what human males do to attract females”.

“Hmm”, said Tessa.

“Hmm”, said Mum.

I am told that a lively discussion followed. And that the words “kindness”, “gentleness”, “care” and “consideration” and “love” were bandied about.

In telling me the story Terry promised me that the words “Ferrari”, “Status”, “Fame”, “Big Bank Account”, “Sports Super Hero” or even “Electric Guitar Virtuoso” never entered into the conversation.

“Hmm”, said I.