Thursday, February 01, 2007

The Good German Dana Milbank of the Washington Post describes the Kissassinger testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee yesterday:  Kissinger, the master of nuanced phrases such as "not incompatible," provided few such broad pronouncements yesterday. Indeed, he pronounced very little in his low, German-accented rumble. "I want to make sure I heard you right, because it's hard to hear you, so tell me if I heard you right," Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) directed him. Kissinger responded with a guttural sound that the transcript labeled "(inaudible)." It must have been a terrifying hearing for stenographers, who recorded Kissinger's utterances with phrases such as "we should avoid its (inaudible) deployment" and "we should work in the direction that will (inaudible) for maximum stability." Inaudibility is always the best way to experience any utterance emanating from the Bush regime.  That's what the Mute button on the remote is for. 8:16:03 AM    comment []

	Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Entrance Strategy I have no idea what Bush meant last night when he said "This is not the fight we entered in Iraq but it is the fight we are in." Not the fight we entered?  Did the Devil make him invade Iraq?  What was all that speechifying in 2003 about WMDs and mushroom clouds?  Has all the carnage since then been a mass hallucination on the part of the US citizenry? Sounds like Bush was trying to channel Churchill and got Rumsfeld instead. Chris Hedges, author of "War is a Force that Gives Us Meaning," is appearing at Vroman's bookstore in Pasadena tomorrow night.  Maybe he knows what it means. 1:16:06 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, January 16, 2007

May you live in challenging times According to an NPR story: Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is meeting with Arab leaders to promote President Bush's troop buildup in Iraq. But Arab leaders mistrust Iraq's government and are dubious about the new proposal. In urging acceptance of the plan, Rice told her Saudi counterpart that positive change only comes out of challenging times. Rice also told the Arab leaders that they shouldn't tolerate any interference in Iraq's affairs by foreign governments -- foreign governments other than the USA, that is.  4:30:43 PM    comment []

	Monday, January 08, 2007

Waiting to Exhale Must be a leak of Bush's Iraq "surge" speech, scheduled to be delivered on Wednesday at 9 PM New York time. NEW YORK (CNN) -- New York officials evacuated a number of buildings and shut down some trains after a mysterious gaslike odor was reported Monday. A New York Police Department spokesman said an air quality test determined that the air is not hazardous, and the U.S. Department of Homeland Security said there is no indication terrorism was involved. New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg called the smell "unpleasant" but said it posed no harm. 10:45:03 AM    comment []

	Saturday, December 30, 2006

Dead Presidents' Society My postman has just informed me that there will be no postal service this Tuesday, January 2nd, in honor of Gerald Ford. It turns out that whenever a president dies, it's a bank and postal holiday -- although this custom apparently doesn't apply to former presidents of Iraq. I'd be willing to forego my postal service for an entire week if it would hasten Bush's departure from this Earthly vale of tears. 12:01:23 PM    comment []

	Friday, December 29, 2006

Have you driven a Ford lately? While overdosing on Gerald Ford eulogies, I couldn't help thinking of what Gore Vidal once said about him in an interview (written from memory): "Nixon would never have picked somebody who was any good.  Ford is like one of those Halloween Jack O'Lanterns that we find on our doorstep, and who knows what horrors are inside?  Never underestimate Nixie's sense of fun." The TV political pundits don't seem to be able to agree on whether Ford will lay in state or lie in state.  Of course, Nixon lied in state just as he lied in life. 12:39:56 PM    comment []

	Monday, December 11, 2006

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Ubermann! Josef Joffe, the author of "Uberpower: The Imperial Temptation of America," was on CSPAN2 yesterday.  We might still be an Uberpower if the current occupant of the Weisshaus wasn't such a Dummkopf. 4:46:55 PM    comment []

	Friday, December 08, 2006

The Weakly Substandard Paul Krugman points out that "They Told You So": Shortly after U.S. forces marched into Baghdad in 2003, The Weekly Standard published a jeering article titled, “The Cassandra Chronicles: The stupidity of the antiwar doomsayers.” Among those the article mocked was a “war novelist” named James Webb, who is now the senator-elect from Virginia. Now, only a few neocon dead-enders still believe that this war was anything but a vast exercise in folly. And those who braved political pressure and ridicule to oppose what Al Gore has rightly called “the worst strategic mistake in the history of the United States” deserve some credit. Unlike The Weekly Standard, which singled out those it thought had been proved wrong, I’d like to offer some praise to those who got it right. Bill Kristol should turn over the publication of his Weekly rang to Billy Crystal.  At least it would be funny -- and not just unintentionally. 10:44:14 AM    comment []

	Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Year of Living Dangerously Forget about the civil war in Iraq or the unfortunate demise of James Kim today in the snows of western Oregon.  For true daredevil behavior, consider that for over a decade, I've not only been ordering cebollitas (little green onions) with my tacos at Baja Fresh, but have also added large portions of bagged spinach to my salad. For my next death-defying stunt, I plan to order a strawberry smoothie at Jamba Juice. If that doesn't kill me, I'll go to a New York restaurant and ask for something cooked in trans fats, risking a beating by a crazed mob of anti-cholesterol zealots. 2:53:09 PM    comment []

The Trans Fat Study Report New York has just become the first city in the USA to ban trans fats in restaurants. Since everything Bush touches turns to shit, why don't we fire him as commander-in-chief of the War on Terror and put him in charge of the War on Cholesterol?  That's something he should be able to handle.  He can declare french fries and onion rings to be members of the Axis of Evil and take it from there. 2:52:07 PM    comment []

	Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Ain't gonna study war no more According to CNN, the Iraq Study Group has just announced that it will release its report on December 6th. That's why December 7th remains, as FDR said, "a date which will live in infamy." 11:50:33 AM    comment []

Who's on Frist Bill Frist has abandoned his quest for the presidency.  Somebody must have reminded him that he has all the charm of an undertaker.  If you want to be president, you have to be able to at least fake likeability. Poor guy, now that he's retired from the Senate, all he'll have to fall back on is his family's health care fortune. 11:49:00 AM    comment []

	Tuesday, November 28, 2006

The Odd Couple Today on MSNBC, some pundit opined that "Bush should have taken out Moqtada al-Sadr a few years ago when he had the chance." What would Laura think of her husband, the anti-gay marriage crusader, going out with another man? 6:36:37 PM    comment []

	Monday, November 13, 2006

Rooting for Rudy I don't know whether any mayor has ever been elected president, but Rudy Giuliani, perhaps buoyed by the debut of the first-ever Italian-American Speaker of the House, has set up an exploratory committee for a presidential bid, and is the Republican frontrunner in today's CNN poll. Unlike former presidential hopefuls George "Macacawitz" Allen and Rick "Sanctum" Santorum, Rudy doesn't look like Howdy Doody. Nevertheless, his campaign's theme song uses the Howdy Doody melody. It's Giuliani time, it's Giuliani time, it's Giuliani time, it's Giuliani time So let's all give a cheer, 'cause Giuliani's here It isn't Bloomberg time, it's Giuliani time 10:27:57 PM    comment []

	Thursday, November 09, 2006

The Macaca Cowboy George "Macacawitz" Allen has just conceded defeat in the Virginia senatorial race.  He opened his concession speech by tossing a football into the crowd; His father used to coach the Washington Redskins, a redskin being another kind of macaca.  Last night on the Larry King show, Bill Maher said we have to stop electing these affable characters like Bush and Allen, "these empty suits who wear cowboy hats and have crap on their boots."  And indeed, Allen made several Bush-like stumbles during his speech today, the most glaring one being, while extolling the economy of his state, coming close to saying "entremanure" instead of "entrepreneur."  Clearly he has caca, or macaca, on the brain. 3:22:05 PM    comment []

	Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Conrad Burns in Hell Jon Tester sounds like the name of a guy who does safety tests on bathrooms, along with Wall Street Journal op-ed writer John Fund, who heads a mutual fund that invests in them. Nevertheless, Tester has just defeated Conrad Burns in the race for Senator from Montana.  With 100% of precincts reporting, the Senatorial results for Montana are as follows: Tester: 198,302 Burns: 195,455 That totals less than 400,000 voters in the entire state of Montana.  I probably had more people than that living on the New York city block where I grew up. 11:21:01 PM    comment []

	Thursday, October 19, 2006

The San Andreas Default Just in time for the election: More Homeowners Going Into Default The number of Californians who are significantly behind on their mortgage payments and at risk of losing their homes to foreclosure more than doubled in the three months ended Sept. 30, providing the latest evidence of trouble in the housing market, figures released Wednesday show. Lenders sent out 26,705 default notices — the first step toward a foreclosure — during the July-to-September period, up from 12,606 during the same quarter in 2005, according to DataQuick Information Systems. It's the flip side of Bush's Ownership Society -- the Foreclosure Society. 10:42:30 AM    comment []

	Thursday, September 28, 2006

Freedom Fries New York is proposing to ban the use of trans fats for cooking in restaurants. Trans fats, used for cooking such items as french fries, can cause heart disease by raising levels of bad cholesterol. If they called it evil cholesterol instead, Bush could launch a global war on it and New York wouldn't need the ban. 12:05:33 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Severance Package I don't recall seeing Christians riot after the title character in "Salome" sings her long aria to the severed head of John the Baptist. One of the leading opera houses in Germany has cancelled a production because a scene that might offend Muslims could create a security threat. The production of the opera Idomeneo features a scene in which a character presents the severed heads of religious leaders -- including Jesus, the Buddha and Muhammad. The Deutsche Oper in Berlin said police had warned that staging the production could pose a security risk to the opera house, its employees and patrons. Staging this production could give a whole new meaning to "They really killed 'em at the box office" and "We bombed last night." 3:27:34 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The Blues Ticketmaster is giving the public a chance to bid on tickets for the upcoming Blue Man Group tour. But do they perform in red states? 2:36:31 PM    comment []

	Monday, September 18, 2006

Frank gets Richer Frank Rich's new book, "The Greatest Story Ever Sold," just came out today, and by a strange coincidence, he just happened to be on TV today talking about it -- for example, on MSNBC's "Hardball." The book is apparently new material, not just a collection of his columns like so many journalists do.  Getting paid twice for the same work is a good trick, especially since most of us have trouble getting paid once in the new globalized economy. 3:00:01 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, September 12, 2006

The Silver-Tongued Texan The death of Ann Richards brought forth endless re-screenings of her verbal evisceration of Bush the Elder: "Poor George.  He can't help it.  He was born with a silver foot in his mouth." And his son was born with a mouthful of both feet and both legs. 10:11:31 PM    comment []

	Monday, September 11, 2006

Ramada Inn Today on CNN, I heard anchorman Jim Clancy, in conversation with reporter Michael Ware, refer to the Iraqi city of Ramadi as "Ramada." "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."       - Ambrose Bierce 5:59:31 PM    comment []

Due Process Keith Olbermann was impassioned and eloquent in his 10-minute on-air denunciation of Bush last night.  The only part I didn't like was the ending, "May this country forgive you." Why should we forgive the SOB?  He deserves to be in solitary confinement in Guantanamo, in an orange jump suit and blindfolded with his "Mission Accomplished" banner. 4:20:12 PM    comment []

	Friday, September 08, 2006

Remotely Possible The latest innovation in airline security: LAX Launches Remote Check-In Passengers will be able to drop off luggage and get boarding passes at sites throughout the city. By Jennifer Oldham Times Staff Writer September 9, 2006 Instead of hauling bags, strollers, skis and other items through long lines at ticket counters to check them on airplanes, LAX passengers will be able to drop off luggage and obtain boarding passes at locations throughout the city, under a program announced Friday. Officials hope that the program will revolutionize how passengers use Los Angeles International Airport and will eliminate an inconvenience for travelers and decrease the security risk presented by long lines at ticket counters and at skycap stands. Experts have long said travelers in these lines are vulnerable to a luggage or car bomb attack. Now if only they would offer flights from remote sites throughout LA. 11:15:43 AM    comment []

	Sunday, September 03, 2006

No worries, Mate! Americans are understandably frightened about terrorism, but let me clarify a common statistical fallacy and put your minds at ease. The chances of some American, somewhere in the world, being killed by terrorists are pretty high.  The probability of you in particular being killed by terrorists is rather low -- about the same as the chances of a world-famous wildlife expert being done in by a stingray. Steve Irwin, the hugely popular Australian television personality and conservationist known as the "Crocodile Hunter," was killed today by a stingray while filming off the Great Barrier Reef. He was 44. 12:32:34 PM    comment []

	Saturday, September 02, 2006

The Agassi and the Ecstasy Benjamin Becker, who beat Andre Agassi today in the final match of Agassi's career, is German but speaks good English, by virtue of having graduated from Baylor University before joining the pro tennis tour. Agassi is one of the world's most articulate athletes despite having baylored out before graduating high school. Bush graduated from Yale but can't put two words together without mispronouncing one and misspelling the other. Higher education is very overrated. 6:33:52 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Gimme that ol' time religion As Maureen Dowd points out, Bush behaved as if he were the nation's chaplain-in-chief yesterday at the site of the Biblical deluge in New Orleans: “There will be a momentum, momentum will be gathered. Houses will begat jobs, jobs will begat houses.” Whenever Bush speaks, I can never tell whether he's imagining he's Will Rogers or Winston Churchill.  Yesterday, he sounded like Elmer Gantry. 3:06:05 PM    comment []

Trickle or Treat NPR headline today: U.N. Force Trickles into Lebanon This must be the trickle-down theory of Middle East peacekeeping. In other words, a rising tide lifts all boats -- except when the Israelis are maintaining a naval blockade. 2:47:26 PM    comment []

	Sunday, August 20, 2006

Happy Talk During today's press conference, Bush was asked if he's frustrated with the situation in Iraq. "Frustrated? Sometimes I'm frustrated. Rarely surprised. Sometimes I'm happy." I was half expecting him to serenade the media with a song: Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm blue, My disposition depends on you. I never mind the rain from the skies, If I can find the sun in your eyes. Sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you, But when I hate you, it's 'cause I love you. That's how I am so what can I do? I'm happy when I'm with you. 10:56:43 PM    comment []

	Thursday, July 20, 2006

Honest Abe & Incurious George Excerpt from today's Bush speech to the NAACP: I consider it a tragedy that the party of Abraham Lincoln let go of its historical ties with the African American community. To paraphrase what Lloyd Bentsen told Dan Quayle in 1988, Mr. President, you're no Abe Lincoln. 1:29:19 PM    comment []

	Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Land of Oz Amos Oz has an op-ed piece in today's LA Times entitled "Hezbollah Attacks Unite Israelis." Of course, the reverse is just as likely: "Israeli Attacks Unite Lebanese." 6:29:26 PM    comment []

	Monday, July 17, 2006

Monkey See, Monkey Do MSNBC's Tucker Carlson claims that the "Yo, Blair" conversation reveals Bush's human side. What have the previous 5 1/2 years of Bush's utterance revealed, his simian side? 10:38:02 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Clash of Civilizations The bodies of two American soldiers who had been missing since Friday were found today. . . . an Iraqi military official, Major General Abdul Azia Mohammed, said that they had been "tortured in a barbaric fashion." As opposed to the prisoners in Guantanamo, Abu Ghraib, Bagram and various CIA "black sites," who have been tortured in a civilized fashion. 10:39:43 AM    comment []

	Thursday, June 08, 2006

Citizen Zarqawi Bush's announcement of the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi included an unintentional rap lyric: Now Zarqawi has met his end And this violent man will never murder again According to Patrick Cockburn: Zarqawi himself was dragged dying from the ruins of his house by Iraqi police and strapped to a stretcher. "Zarqawi did in fact survive the air strike," said Maj Gen William Caldwell, the US military spokesmen. Covered in blood he survived a few minutes after the Americans arrived and muttered a few unintelligible words. "Zarqawi attempted to turn away off the stretcher,' said Gen Caldwell. "They--everybody--re-secured him back onto the stretcher, but he died almost immediately thereafter from the wounds he received from the airstrike." We'll never know what Zarqawi's final utterance was, but you can bet it wasn't "Rosebud." 7:02:45 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, May 23, 2006

A Piece of the Action Headline from today's LA Times: Iraq's New Leaders Vow to Fight Rampant Corruption Patrick Cockburn describes the reality: So divided is the new government that each ministry becomes the fief of the party that holds it. The ministries are, in practice, patronage machines employing only party loyalists. They are milked for money, jobs and contracts. Ministers cannot be dismissed for incompetence or corruption, however gross, because it would lead to the deal between the parties and communities unravelling. The government has become a sort of bureaucratic feudalism with each ministry presided over by an independent chieftain. In other words, rather than fighting rampant corruption, Iraq's new leaders are more likely to demand their fair share of it. 12:19:15 PM    comment []

	Monday, May 22, 2006

Shit happens According to CNN: More than three years after the Iraq invasion, President Bush acknowledged to war-weary Americans Monday that the situation is improving only gradually and urged patience with "more days of challenge and loss." "Our progress is incremental," Bush said during a freewheeling question-and-answer session with restaurant industry representatives after a speech on Iraq and the war on terror. "Freedom is moving, but it's in incremental steps . . . ." Incremental?  Excremental would be more accurate. 12:21:16 PM    comment []

	Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The Da Vinci Prose I never had any desire to read Dan Brown's paperweight, and A.O. Scott's review in today's NY Times has confirmed the wisdom of my decision: "The Da Vinci Code," Ron Howard's adaptation of Dan Brown's best-selling primer on how not to write an English sentence . . .    To their credit, the director and his screenwriter, Akiva Goldsman (who collaborated with Mr. Howard on "Cinderella Man" and "A Beautiful Mind," have streamlined Mr. Brown's story and refrained from trying to capture his, um, prose style. Maybe Dan Brown should become a Bush speechwriter. 2:33:56 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Emigrants Molly Ivins reacts to Bush's immigration speech: You want to shut down illegal immigration? You want to use the military as police? Make it illegal to hire undocumented workers and put the National Guard into enforcing that. Then rewrite NAFTA and invest in Mexico. Personally,  I support letting the illegal immigrants stay and deporting Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld. 6:40:58 PM    comment []

	Friday, May 05, 2006

Home(land) Depot Caption from a New York Times photo today: Visiting a hardware store today, President Bush said he would veto any spending bill that exceeds his request. They may let him visit the store but they're unlikely to let him run it, as Philip Roth once pointed out: Aristophanes, who surely must be God, has given us George W. Bush, a man unfit to run a hardware store let alone a nation like this one. 3:44:03 PM    comment []

	Thursday, May 04, 2006

No habla Ingles According to CNN: President Bush likes to drop a few words of Spanish in his speeches and act like he's proficient in the language. But he's really not that good, his spokesman said Thursday. "The president can speak Spanish but not that well," White House press secretary Scott McClellan said. "He's not that good with his Spanish." Why should that be surprising?  He's not that good with his English either. 11:33:31 AM    comment []

	Monday, May 01, 2006

Emission Accomplished On May 1st 2003, Bush strutted around on the deck of an aircraft carrier in a tight flight suit with a visibily bulging crotch -- or as David Hare put it in his play, "Stuff Happens," "George Bush shows his balls to the world" -- and proclaimed Mission Accomplished in Iraq. Three years later, Bush's wet dream of a quick and easy war has become a nightmare, more like Mission Impossible -- with no Tom Cruise to come to the rescue. 12:17:13 PM    comment []

	Monday, April 24, 2006

The Viagra Building According to the LA Times, "Gehry Sees His Glass Towers Transforming Downtown LA." Architect Frank O. Gehry plans to erect a translucent, glass-curtained tower rising 47 stories above his landmark Walt Disney Concert Hall as the centerpiece of the Grand Avenue project, a bold statement that would alter downtown Los Angeles' skyline and reinforce the civic center area as a hub of cutting-edge architecture. City officials have long talked of turning this part of downtown into a 24-hour district on par with parts of New York, Chicago, London or Paris -- without success. It now falls to Gehry and his partner, Craig Webb, to create the "urban mix." No matter what lofty concepts architects may claim for their projects, it all comes down to one thing: Mine is bigger than yours. 10:48:04 AM    comment []

	Friday, April 21, 2006

President Blair According to a Slate article: . . . Blair's personal stock remains high in the United States. In some ways, from the theatrical jes' folks manner to the religious zeal, he has always been a more American than British figure. Plenty of Americans -- some for a time dubbed the "Blair Democrats" -- preferred the prime minister's rhetoric about the Iraq war to what they heard from their own president, and even now Blair gets something of a free pass from Americans who hate the war and damn George W. Bush to perdition. If Blair is so popular on this side of the pond, maybe he should run for office here.  But would the Brits take Bush in exchange?  10:53:37 PM    comment []

	Monday, April 10, 2006

Familiarity breeds contempt Although the print version of this NPR story includes the Enron protagonists' proper names, the audio version refers to them by their schoolyard monickers -- Jeff Skilling, Ken Lay and Andy Fastow. Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling says that he and most of his Enron colleagues are innocent of fraud as he testifies in his own defense in Houston. Skilling will be cross-examined later in the week by prosecutors. Former Enron Chairman Kenneth Lay is expected to testify later in the month. Only in America can average citizens be on a first-name basis with the kleptocrats who pick their pockets.  Is this a great country or what? 9:11:29 PM    comment []

	Monday, April 03, 2006

Covert Overt Action Secret talks are underway in London. The Government is to hold secret talks with defence chiefs tomorrow to discuss possible military strikes against Iran. A high-level meeting will take place in the Ministry of Defence at which senior defence chiefs and government officials will consider the consequences of an attack on Iran.   No doubt the attack itself will also be secret, although probably not to the Iranians. Don't tell anybody you heard about the secret talks.  They're a secret. 1:37:08 PM    comment []

	Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The rain of blame falls mainly on Hussein Just when you thought Bush couldn't possibly come up with another far-fetched explanation for the fiasco his war in Iraq has become, he does!: President Bush said Wednesday that Saddam Hussein, not continued U.S. involvement in Iraq, is responsible for ongoing sectarian violence that is threatening the formation of a democratic government. "The enemies of a free Iraq are employing the same tactics Saddam used, killing and terrorizing the Iraqi people in an effort to foment sectarian division," Bush said. Bush said Iraq's instability "is the legacy of Saddam -- a tyrant who exacerbated ethnic divisions to keep himself in power." First he blamed Iran, then he blamed the media, now he's blaming Saddam.  Next, he'll probably blame Bill Clinton. 1:07:37 PM    comment []

	Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Cancel my subscription to the Reformation To me, the most noteworthy statement from today's Bush press conference was: "A democracy in Iraq is going to inspire reformers in a part of the world that is desperate for reformation." On the other hand, the Iraqis may prefer the Counter-Reformation. 10:27:19 PM    comment []

	Friday, March 03, 2006

From Islamabad to Islamaworse Today the New York Times published a photo of a banner saying "President George W. Bush -- A Friend of Pakistan" draped across a building  at Chaklala Air base near Islamabad to commemorate Bush's visit. This must be the handiwork of the same people who were responsible for the infamous "Mission Accomplished" banner, especially since it's in English rather than Urdu and is therefore intended for an American audience. That's one more reason why, to his many Pakistani detractors, their country's leader is known as Busharraf. 2:07:18 PM    comment []

The Dubai World Ports Tennis Championship