Sunday, March 20, 2005

Jess Says


Sports, Playboy Playmates, and ambiguous sexuality. The premire Jess Says article has it all.

Click on the new section above or click HERE.


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 Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Yojimmy Battles the Pink Rabbits


A picture named [[showletter.jpg]]
TIM:
There he is!
ARTHUR:
Where?
TIM:
There!
ARTHUR:
What, behind the rabbit?
TIM:
It is the rabbit.
ARTHUR:
You silly sod!
TIM:
What?
ARTHUR:
You got us all worked up!
TIM:
Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!
ARTHUR:
Ohh.
TIM:
That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
ROBIN:
You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared!
TIM:
Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

This week saw the dedication of the third of our most powerful submarines in

the U.S. fleet, the Seawolf class. Named for a former nuke, the USS Jimmy Carter

is specially outfitted with a hull extension allowing for spy and special

operations missions. The reason I inkoved Monte Python (if the internet is now

so non-geek that I need a reason) is to remind and educate you of a more

recent naval battle won by president Carter. In April of 1979 the president was met

with an unusual occurance, alone on a canoe. The Washington Post summed up

the story as follows:


While home fishing in Georgia during a summer when his popularity was at low

tide, President Jimmy Carter's small boat was "attacked" by a mysterious

swimming rabbit, which the president warded off with a paddle. Once leaked into

print by Brooks Jackson of the Associated Press, the bizarre story captured the

press's and the public's imagination, becoming a metaphor for Carter's hapless,

enfeebled presidency. The incident encouraged Massachusetts Sen. Edward M.

Kennedy's primary challenge to Carter's renomination, and it became a symbolic

preamble to Carter's landslide loss in November 1980.


With nuclear war with the Ruskies on the line, stagflation choking the American

economy, and the Islamic revolution in Iran (oil embargo, hostages), president Carter

had defeated a bunny. This anecdote alone should serve as a reminder that nice guys

should never be Commander in Chief. For that matter they shouldn't be your stock broker,

your lawyer,or your mountain climbing instructor. Nice people avoid conflict when it is

the best resolution to a problem, even when it is the only way out of a problem. Nice

people don't like to correct others or to argue, even if they believe passionately in

their argument. Nice people are not always nice: How often have you heard that ominous

preface "he's a nice guy, but... "?

Why president Carter thought he was under seige from a paddling rodent is unknown. Perhaps,

holding the highest office in the land during times Confucius would call interesting, required a physical

release of all that psychic pressure, compunded by the burden of always having to appear "nice."

As the USS Jimmy Carter finishes sea trials and enters into comissioned service in

defense of the United States, pray those giving the orders are those detail

oriented, compulsive, gruff, workaholic jerks; men and women with no fear of doling

out tough news, or amphibious rabbits.



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 Sunday, February 13, 2005

The Greatest Scandal in the History of the World


In last Thursday's Wall Street Journal you'll find an editorial by Paul A. Volcker, the former head of the Federal Reserve and chairman of the independent Inquiry Committee into the United Nation's Oil for Food Program. He writes about the Committee's release of its first Interim Report. He writes that the report's conclusions "do not make for pleasant reading." It may be only the initial report, but he is clearly pessimistic about what has been found so far. While he goes into little detail, citing pending investigations into Kofi Annan, his son, Kojo, and the Executive Director of Oil for Food Benon Sevan, he does hint at the corruption being uncovered. Volcker laments that, "The evidence is conclusive that Mr. Sevan ...placed himself in an irreconcilable conflict of interest, in violation of both specific united nations rules and of the broad responsibility of an international civil servant to adhere to the highest standards of trust and integrity." Ominous words from a a man not prone to hyperbole.
 
The report was released Thusrsday to Kofi at 11am EST, and then publicly four hours thereafter. Earlier this year the Committee released internal audits showing how millions of dollars meant to go for food and medicine for the Iraqi people were instead wasted on mismanagement and corrupt over payments. During the late 90's when the Oil for Food Program was being implemented, many on the left had cried for an end to it stating that its implementation was killing thousands of children in Iraq through starvation and inadequate healthcare. In truth, even with the corruption Saddam was able to siphon off most of the money for his own uses, with the assistance of corrupt oil businessmen and bureaucrats.
 
 In January Samir A. Vincent, a naturalized American citizen, was convicted of four counts relating to the Oil for Food scandal for taking money from Iraq in order to lobby the U.S. to drop the sanctions, fraud, conspiring with another government without registering, and tax evasion. He earned between 3$ and 5$ million dollars doing the work that liberals, socialists, commies, and greens were doing on Saddam's behalf for free. Saddam was building gaudy palaces with the money, leaving his people to suffer horribly, and a few criminals, like Samir and those soon to be revealed by Volcker's  committee, went along for the blood-money ride.
 
The sanctions on Iraq, and the Oil for Food program amending them, were designed to constrain a diabolic, vicious, and unpredictable dictator. Had the U.N. lived up to its obligations and properly enforced and audited the transactions perhaps they would have worked. Instead, we will likely soon have evidence that the organization that appoints Sudan to the Commission on Human Rights, was apart to the greatest fraud in the history of the world. Billions of dollars, and untold thousands of lives were wasted on greed, incompetence, and sloth.

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 Monday, December 20, 2004

Dumbfuckistan


A picture named [[showletter.jpg]] 

John Belushi, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman and his wife... Saturday Night Live has had more drug tragedies than any show on television and never once made a public statement about it or taken corrective action. The source of problem is obvious: their talent source Chicago's Second City. In addition to those named above, Second city was also a big break for such junkies as Robin Williams and Robert Downey, Jr. For years NCB and Loren Michaels have made a fine profit off the eccentric comedy these peoples drug ruled minds created. And although they never accepted any responsibility or took any action to help their performers and the culture of SNL, they at least had the decency to never make jokes at their expense.


Last Saturday's SNL, a politically slanted parody of the claymation classic 'Rudolph' depicted a Santa angry at "the red states" whom he labeled "dumbfuskistan", informing Rudolph that "Trailer parks don't have chimneys". During the bit conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh, who in the past year admitted to an addiction to prescription pain meds and entered rehab, was shown passed out on the floor of a bathroom, covered in vomit, laying amongst pills and med containers.


Who thought this was funny? In fact, the whole skit lacked for laughs. Some may of guffawed at the mention of dumbfuckistan and the bigoted descriptions of "red states" (speaking of which, compare Ohio to, say the 99.9% of Illinois that isn't Chicago) as trailer parks, but even they couldn't of found much more in it to enjoy. Instead of giving most of the nations children presents, Santa decides to instead kill time by hanging out in New York. If you could fly any where in the world and hang out with any liberals you wanted, who would you choose? Willie Nelson? Jimmy Buffet? Bill Clinton? The writers instead to show Santa chilling with a group about as funny and fun as a drunk doing Switchfoot on Karaoke. They included; Margret Cho, a woman who has made a career doing Charlie Chan voices under the over that they are impressions of her grandmother; Al Franken, the author of, "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot" and who got as few laughs as a clay puppet as he did for years on SNL; a woman who looked a bit like Maureen Dowd; and Moby. Why the fuck would Santa be with these downers on Christmas? Even Santa, who kept implying that Moby was gay, seemed uncertain.


Yeah, Moby trying to convince Santa he wasn't gay was a bit amusing, but that was about it. The point is there are limits to good taste, and depicting a former drug addict as dead simply because you hold antipodal political opinions is tactless and like much of SLN these days, lacking humor.


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 Monday, November 22, 2004

Jonah Goldberg To Visit Great Lakes Brewing?


National Review's blog "The Corner" has recently been pondering a tour of authors in the prospect that loyal raders would put up for food, and of course booze. The following post appeared at noon today:

Ok, I promise not to post things about wine and beer all day, but I'm still getting loads of e-mails, and do want to share some (if not the actual bottles): Here's another e-mail:
I appreciate your effort to focus on good wines from the Anglosphere, but most of your recommendations came from California, Oregon and Washington. Ohio produces some great wines in the region along the Lake Erie shore. Ferrante Winery probably is the best I've tried. The specialty for the region is ice-wines (dessert stuff) which is not really my thing, but there are some very good Ohio reds.

Also, for Jonah (Goldberg)-- Ohio produces some great beers-- notably Great Lakes Brewing Company (try the Edmund Fitzgeral Porter, and Burning River Pale Ale). 

All these places have web sites- and the products are available, if not nationally, at least in the industrial midwest. (Although I hear that Great Lakes is available in New York).

After all, shouldn't everyone be a little thankful for Ohio this year?
Ahh, so true. Actually I didn't know all that about the wines, but past experience engendered present trepidation. Speaking of sloshed in the Buckeye state, the Tri-City Beer Club will be holding a tasting around Thanksgiving. The preliminary category is low-carb but whatever we do I'll try and get the results up here for the Beer Blog. Because the taste category is predicted to be a watery wash, there may be a second competition to discern "consumptibility". Are the French cloning livers yet?

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 Friday, November 19, 2004

Schadenfreude


The misery of others (and funny pics) in this new story

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 Sunday, November 14, 2004

R.I.P. O.D.B


A picture named [[showletter.jpg]]Russell Jones aka Dirt McGirt, aka O.D.B, aka Big Baby Jesus, aka Ol' Dirty Bastard, has died. He was found dead in a studio, cause still unknown. Friend of Slothrop's Dream, Todd of Stylusmagazine.com saw Dirt "perform" at the PopMatters show a little over a year ago and told me at the time that it was a unique musical experience. Remember kids, drugs kill, even the really strange.
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 Monday, November 01, 2004

End of the Jinxes?


Will this year be the end of the Halloween mask or Redskins jinx?

Read on...

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 Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Election Whores Do Battle


Florida, the attention whore of the United States, has returned to old form....

Read on...


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 Friday, October 22, 2004

New Blog Format


Im testing out a new Blog format. Check out my emotive first new post and tell me what you think.

 

Click here


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 Wednesday, October 20, 2004

NAACP NVF Buys Votes With Crack


A man from the Toledo area has been arrested on suspicion he committed gross voter fraud in exchange for crack cocaine. The man, Chad Stanton, 22, was working with Georgianne Pitts of the NAACP National Voter Fund. Over 100 fraudulent...

Read on...


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 Monday, October 18, 2004

Schroder Backs Bush


Rick (Ricky) Schroder called me yesterday. He told me to support Bush becuase the Democrats will take away my guns. I dont have any guns, but if the kid from Silver Spoons says Bush needs my support, I'm convinced. If your not, try The List: a complilation of the multitude of celebs backing John Kerry.

That is life in Ohio in the climaxing days before the November election. We have all sorts of B-list celebs shaking hands and making phone calls. Will all their pandering change buckeye minds? Doubtful. But they think it will, and that is the most important thing of all.


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 Friday, October 15, 2004

Doubtless Dan


In 1988 CBS ran an hour-long special entitled "The Wall Within”, hosted by Dan Rather. It documented the troubled lives of six Vietnam vets as they faced drug use, alcoholism, depression, homelessness, unemployment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, etc. One soldier, Steve Southards claimed he was “one of the highest trained, underpaid, eighteen-cent-an-hour assassins ever put together by a team of people who knew exactly what they were looking for.”

Read on...


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 Thursday, September 30, 2004

Slothrop's Dream Breaks a Tiny Bit of News


After reading a headline declaring an independent analysis had concluded the memos brought forth by CBS as legit, I went snooping to find the source. Read how I uncovered the author as a left-leaning professor and Kerry contributor, and how the report is a smoke screen for CBS...
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