Yojimmy Battles the Pink Rabbits

TIM:

There he is!

ARTHUR:

Where?

TIM:

There!

ARTHUR:

What, behind the rabbit?

TIM:

It is the rabbit.

ARTHUR:

You silly sod!

TIM:

What?

ARTHUR:

You got us all worked up!

TIM:

Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!

ARTHUR:

Ohh.

TIM:

That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

ROBIN:

You tit! I soiled my armour I was so scared!

TIM:

Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

This week saw the dedication of the third of our most powerful submarines in

the U.S. fleet, the Seawolf class. Named for a former nuke, the USS Jimmy Carter

is specially outfitted with a hull extension allowing for spy and special

operations missions. The reason I inkoved Monte Python (if the internet is now

so non-geek that I need a reason) is to remind and educate you of a more

recent naval battle won by president Carter. In April of 1979 the president was met

with an unusual occurance, alone on a canoe. The Washington Post summed up

the story as follows:

While home fishing in Georgia during a summer when his popularity was at low

tide, President Jimmy Carter's small boat was "attacked" by a mysterious

swimming rabbit, which the president warded off with a paddle. Once leaked into

print by Brooks Jackson of the Associated Press, the bizarre story captured the

press's and the public's imagination, becoming a metaphor for Carter's hapless,

enfeebled presidency. The incident encouraged Massachusetts Sen. Edward M.

Kennedy's primary challenge to Carter's renomination, and it became a symbolic

preamble to Carter's landslide loss in November 1980.

With nuclear war with the Ruskies on the line, stagflation choking the American

economy, and the Islamic revolution in Iran (oil embargo, hostages), president Carter

had defeated a bunny. This anecdote alone should serve as a reminder that nice guys

should never be Commander in Chief. For that matter they shouldn't be your stock broker,

your lawyer,or your mountain climbing instructor. Nice people avoid conflict when it is

the best resolution to a problem, even when it is the only way out of a problem. Nice

people don't like to correct others or to argue, even if they believe passionately in

their argument. Nice people are not always nice: How often have you heard that ominous

preface "he's a nice guy, but... "?

Why president Carter thought he was under seige from a paddling rodent is unknown. Perhaps,

holding the highest office in the land during times Confucius would call interesting, required a physical

release of all that psychic pressure, compunded by the burden of always having to appear "nice."

As the USS Jimmy Carter finishes sea trials and enters into comissioned service in

defense of the United States, pray those giving the orders are those detail

oriented, compulsive, gruff, workaholic jerks; men and women with no fear of doling

out tough news, or amphibious rabbits.

7:10:14 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

The Greatest Scandal in the History of the World

6:10:38 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

Dumbfuckistan

John Belushi, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman and his wife... Saturday Night Live has had more drug tragedies than any show on television and never once made a public statement about it or taken corrective action. The source of problem is obvious: their talent source Chicago's Second City. In addition to those named above, Second city was also a big break for such junkies as Robin Williams and Robert Downey, Jr. For years NCB and Loren Michaels have made a fine profit off the eccentric comedy these peoples drug ruled minds created. And although they never accepted any responsibility or took any action to help their performers and the culture of SNL, they at least had the decency to never make jokes at their expense.

Last Saturday's SNL, a politically slanted parody of the claymation classic 'Rudolph' depicted a Santa angry at "the red states" whom he labeled "dumbfuskistan", informing Rudolph that "Trailer parks don't have chimneys". During the bit conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh, who in the past year admitted to an addiction to prescription pain meds and entered rehab, was shown passed out on the floor of a bathroom, covered in vomit, laying amongst pills and med containers.

Who thought this was funny? In fact, the whole skit lacked for laughs. Some may of guffawed at the mention of dumbfuckistan and the bigoted descriptions of "red states" (speaking of which, compare Ohio to, say the 99.9% of Illinois that isn't Chicago) as trailer parks, but even they couldn't of found much more in it to enjoy. Instead of giving most of the nations children presents, Santa decides to instead kill time by hanging out in New York. If you could fly any where in the world and hang out with any liberals you wanted, who would you choose? Willie Nelson? Jimmy Buffet? Bill Clinton? The writers instead to show Santa chilling with a group about as funny and fun as a drunk doing Switchfoot on Karaoke. They included; Margret Cho, a woman who has made a career doing Charlie Chan voices under the over that they are impressions of her grandmother; Al Franken, the author of, "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot" and who got as few laughs as a clay puppet as he did for years on SNL; a woman who looked a bit like Maureen Dowd; and Moby. Why the fuck would Santa be with these downers on Christmas? Even Santa, who kept implying that Moby was gay, seemed uncertain.

Yeah, Moby trying to convince Santa he wasn't gay was a bit amusing, but that was about it. The point is there are limits to good taste, and depicting a former drug addict as dead simply because you hold antipodal political opinions is tactless and like much of SLN these days, lacking humor.

8:39:40 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

Schadenfreude

7:14:27 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

End of the Jinxes?

10:39:13 AM     Comment [] TrackBack []

Election Whores Do Battle

Florida, the attention whore of the United States, has returned to old form....

Read on...

11:46:39 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

NAACP NVF Buys Votes With Crack

A man from the Toledo area has been arrested on suspicion he committed gross voter fraud in exchange for crack cocaine. The man, Chad Stanton, 22, was working with Georgianne Pitts of the NAACP National Voter Fund. Over 100 fraudulent...

Read on...

8:50:59 AM     Comment [] TrackBack []

Schroder Backs Bush

Rick (Ricky) Schroder called me yesterday. He told me to support Bush becuase the Democrats will take away my guns. I dont have any guns, but if the kid from Silver Spoons says Bush needs my support, I'm convinced. If your not, try The List: a complilation of the multitude of celebs backing John Kerry.

That is life in Ohio in the climaxing days before the November election. We have all sorts of B-list celebs shaking hands and making phone calls. Will all their pandering change buckeye minds? Doubtful. But they think it will, and that is the most important thing of all.

5:53:34 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

Doubtless Dan

In 1988 CBS ran an hour-long special entitled "The Wall Within”, hosted by Dan Rather. It documented the troubled lives of six Vietnam vets as they faced drug use, alcoholism, depression, homelessness, unemployment, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, etc. One soldier, Steve Southards claimed he was “one of the highest trained, underpaid, eighteen-cent-an-hour assassins ever put together by a team of people who knew exactly what they were looking for.”

Read on...

5:45:04 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

Slothrop's Dream Breaks a Tiny Bit of News

5:44:26 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

Who Let the Cat In

5:54:25 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

Youth Wasted

It's the Sunday before the beginning of the Republican Convention in New York. At the moment C-SPAN is carrying live coverage of protesters marching in from of Madison Square Garden. As the throngs pass by signage reading "FOX News: America's News Channel" people break into a chorus of "FOX News sucks" and "FOX News lies". The usual bad puppets, rainbow flags and colorful abbreviations (Mothers in pink lettered shirts reading "MOB", presumably Mothers Opposing Bush, but from the looks perhaps also against brassieres) saunter by, their messages a myriad of far-left rhetoric with little central theme beyond great distaste for the current leadership.

Its 3:00 now and a paper mache dragon was just set ablaze on a city street. City firefighters, heroes of Sept 11th, were resourced to put out protesters handiwork. I don't know if the arsonists were caught. If not, it is likely they employed some of the fugitive escape tactics advised on anarchist website nyc.indymedia.org:

Don't waste your psychic energy fretting about the police. Keep sober. Plan your range of action and do it. Don't waste time on DTs (undercover cops) except to try and lose them. Invisible Bloc tactics of "everybody in khakis" is really only for those who plan direct actions. If you are a radial, don't wear the subculture uniform that says to police: Arrest that guy. Layer. Do not wear a scarf, but keep it in your pocket. Wear a baseball cap.

4) If you are personally targeted: duck down, move quickly through the crowd while taking off your over shirt and putting on/taking off your hat. You will lose a tail/snatch squad like this.

They have the resources to arrest up to a thousand people a day, but even still, that will not be enough to stop the protests.

5) Do not engage in property destruction of small businesses. Many of them are with us and small merchants are not the problem. No group of any kind has called for this and virtually all have strongly urged not just restraint, but a populist orientation that takes the majority of the population with us.

Nice to see that at least the small businesses are given deference from violence in this public document. Overall the protesters are voicing anger claim to not be against the President, but instead against "the 'Bush agenda'". This is because Kerry "has effectively endorsed that agenda including the war, 'free trade' and a domestic prison state". Funny though, I didn't see these protests in Boston.

There are lots of Nadar signs out, and almost no Kerry/Edwards placards. This is in part because the marchers are mostly cynical, radicalized youth that feel isolated and disenfranchised. Neither party appeals but the one to complain to is the one in power. The other reason there are few signs for the Democratic nominee is one of political strategy. Party guys do not want a week of protests --some which may turn violent-- to reflect back upon the party. They are encouraging therefore people to refrain from attending protests and especially from brandishing Kerry symbols.

Just found some good video here.

The protesters will do more then march the streets; they have set up plans to harass delegates everywhere they go. Schedules of delegates events, methods by which to identify them, and even the release of the names and other personal information of every delegate (currently under investigation by the Justice Department) have been posted on the web for anyone "to use in whatever way they see fit". This is more than protest; its stalking, harassment, and a public disturbance. Even if there was one unified message being voiced, these nefarious methods would undercut any credibility it would be given. Not that they ever would. There are so many different organizations, collectives, and cells on display, it seems that there is a unique group for every third person. Of course if what any one group was saying were a realistic alternative to, for example, the occupation of Iraq, as to require resorts to violence and stalking to get it out, they would get more than 10 people to agree on it.

Then again these demonstrations have nothing to do with the issues. The adolescents of all ages marching in NY this week will tell you how "stupid" and "evil" the current leadership is, but never tell you what they would do in their staid. These children who likely don't even believe in private property, let alone possess any, are the reasons that our wise founders barred the unlanded from the franchise. Voting based on the principal "adults are jerks" is dangerous. More so because the zeitgeist of the moment holds protest and the physical act of casting a vote, informed only by emotion (what one "feels") to be popular, and even lauded. These jeopardous actions, far from the duties of a good citizen, in fact do damage by choosing charisma over wisdom, passion over reserve, ideologues over open minds. It is better that one stays home then to cast an uninformed vote. But thinking is hard. Burning a paper maché dragon, making out with your queer lover, or calling someone "stupid" are easy, everyman activites, no matter how many brain cells have been burned on weed and e.

2:57:42 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

Moore Lies

How the leader of the Senate Democrats exposed another whopper

8:38:22 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []

WFB vs Ron Jr.

10:23:02 PM     Comment [] TrackBack []