Who Let the Cat In

In this post-9/11 world, the United States and her allies are, we are told, on high alert. After being struck by our own planes at the hands of killers that, according to the law, should not of been in the country, airport security is said to be our highest priority. Keeping those who would harm us out is the first defense. Things are not as secure as we would like, however.

On Tuesday, a flight from England to the U.S. was diverted to Maine. On board was Yusuf Islam, better know to people as Cat Stevens. He was allowed on the plane after the London airport's no-fly list had his name misspelled as 'Youseef". The list on board the plane had an updated list, with the proper spelling. They alerted authorities and were ordered to make the diverted landing. Stevens was one of the junta of effete singer-songwriters to gain pop success in the 1970s. His music helped convince thousands of young men to grow their hair out and buy an acoustic guitar, thereby forestalling any chance of their getting laid for at least a decade. The curse affects us all now, as his hypnagogic songs will no doubt be around until that generation is gone. Worse, the 70s generation of pussies, singing about feelings and moonbeams, has spawned an equally wretched newer generation of pussies: the Dave Matthews/Meyer/Johnson scene, as well as soundtrack for the life of all girlymen, Emo.

For most of the James Taylor/Carol King crowd, this would be enough. Convincing masses that whining about feelings is an acceptable form of artful expression is, as a diabolical life achievement, ranks rather high, and is likely satisfying. But it wasn't enough for Cat. Not content to live off the money from the incessant playings of his songs on light-rock stations, and the sales of greatest hits collections on television, Cat he wanted more from life. He quit music in 1977 and devoted his life to becoming a Muslim, taking the name Yusuf Islam. As Islam was growing violent and radical, the singer of "Peace Train" was committing his life to the practice. At one point he even signed an epistolary death warrant agreeing to the fatwa on Salmon Rushdie.

So who is at fault? Is it the Dept. of Homeland Security who, it turns out, supply different groups with different lists; some updated, some not? No. It is the people. Whenever we buy the music of some idiotic wuss like Stevens, or Barbra Streisand, or Celine Dion, we are putting sentimental crap in our ears and money in the pockets of the dangerously stupid. Yes, we are to blame for wealth ergo we are to blame for his fame driven conversion to a controversial religion (a typical reaction to celebrity by half-wits) and all the other dumb acts he has and will continue to commit.

Cat Stevens was a wussy, mediocre folk talent whose star shone too bright. Yusuf Islam is a well meaning moron. He is a creation of money and fame bestowed upon an uneducated hippie; nouveau riche. Our best defense against further breaching of the lines would be to raise our standards. Should we be lucky-- enough, as we did with Cat-- to have a Carly Simon or Carol King step out of the country to live in, say France, for a few years, cover the walls of every customs department in the world with their pictures so that their ilk can never again return to haunt our shores. And we should act immediately, before the pain of hearing "ooh baby baby its a wild world" or Sheryl Crow's cover of his "The First Cut Is The Deepest" again fills our ears as we surf the radio. Once bitten, twice shy.