2004-03-26 RR DD 2.25 hrs –signs.doc
My first paddle of the year on the Rum River is always a spiritual paddle. This year, Dave Dahl and I put in before 4pm at the Anoka Fairgrounds boat landing and paddled upstream on dark glass water in warm sunshine. The temperature was nearly 60 degrees, a sharp contrast with all the previous paddles so far this spring. The water was clean, but dark amber colored from the spruce-tamarack bogs a hundred and twenty-six miles upstream at Lake Mille-Lacs, hence the name of Rum River. Alternating between smooth deep water strokes and easy sprints in the sandy shallows on the inside of the curves, we crossed the winding river at a 45 degree angle to the easy current every few minutes. The Rum River is generally shallow and offers a lot of choices of how to paddle it, which makes for a big home court advantage. Those who paddle it regularly know exactly where the deeper channels run and can gain many canoe lengths even on good paddlers who don’t know the river as well.
Chuck Ryan had put in just ahead of us with his C1 racing canoe but told us to go ahead when we caught up to him because he wanted to do an easy training session (or he just didn’t want to paddle with us?). Dave had promised me a “comfortable” paddle, but like most canoe racers, he found it difficult to travel at anything less than maximum hull speed. Since he was setting the pace in the bow, I could not help but to match his pace and we cruised along smoothly. I would need a whirlpool again tonight. After only a few bends, we were past the buildings and houses of Anoka and into wooded wilderness that was only occasionally dotted with houses on the higher banks. Frequent flooding has kept people from building along this stretch of the river. Upstream several miles or about an hour and fifteen minutes was a sandbar island known affectionately as “the sandbar” to local canoe racers. We usually stop there for snacks and turn back downstream on shorter practice days. Depending on the speed of the current and on who’s in the pack, it can take anywhere from an hour and a half to 2 hours to get back to the boat landing in Anoka.
A glowing white undulating strand of web caught my eye in the sunshine as it floated above us across the river. We paused to watch the grey spider hanging from the floating strand land on the smooth amber water and ski across it like a kite surfer. Other wildlife sitings included: a pair of wood ducks taking off in unison, 3 cardinals crossing the river at various times, a robin flying low across the river, a single blue heron flying out of the trees along the river, a pileated woodpecker knocking in the woods, a total of 6 crows watching us from tree tops along the river, 4 volleyball-sized hornet nests hanging in the bare tree branches over the water, 4 separate mated pairs of geese honking at us to stay back, and hundreds of small harmless flying bugs already starting to swarm on and above the smooth surface. Later in the warm summer, the swarms of bugs would become so thick that they would chase us back to the wider and windier Mississippi River. Until then, the winding Rum River’s heavily wooded banks offered us protection from the high winds.
Just as I reminded Dave about the mocking sign that Keith Canny and Lee Jarpey had put up for me and my racing partner Sarah on a riverbank in last year’s Mississippi Classic race, we rounded a bend to find another sign stuck in the muddy river bank. The sign read – “RICK LORENZEN, WHOOP-ASS COMES IN ALUMINUM CANOES”. Keith and Lee were the only possible perpetrators because it was a reference to the upcoming May 1st, 2004 Snake River Race in Mora, Minnesota. I had challenged Keith, who had the fastest time in the aluminum canoe division.
Luckily, I happened to have my laptop and a portable printer back in my van. When I got back to my van at 6pm, I typed up a replacement sign to put over the top of this one. Then I drove back to the canoe landing and placed the new sign back in the muddy riverbank, grinning with the thought of seeing Keith and Lee’s surprise when we paddled here together on Saturday morning. They would be expecting me to be surprised at the sign and the surprise would be on them. The past few weeks, Keith had been referring to himself as a “vulnerable adult” in the hopes of enjoying some degree of protection from harassment from his fellow racers. So the new sign read: “KEITH CANNY & LEE JARPEY VULNERABLE ADULTS LOOSE WANTED FOR OLD AGE & TAUNTING PADDLERS”.
Just in case that wasn’t enough, once I got home, I found some goofy pictures of Keith and Lee and made a flyer to pass out when we got back from the Saturday morning run. The flyer said “AGED VULNERABLE ADULTS, AT LARGE AND ON THE LOOSE, WANTED FOR SELF NEGLECT, KEITH CANNY & LEE JARPEY, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APPREHEND THESE VULNERABLE ADULTS WITHOUT ASSISTANCE FROM THEIR WIVES AND FAMILY” The flyer also quoted the Minnesota Statute 2003 626.557 that says “the public policy this state is … to provide safe institutional … living environments for vulnerable adults who have been maltreated.” The final quote said “Verbal or physical aggression occurring between patients, residents, or clients of a facility, or self-abusive behavior by these persons does not constitute abuse unless the behavior causes serious harm.” This should be enough to stop those two from referring themselves as vulnerable adults in the future.
“Signs Signs Everywhere there's signs Blocking up the scenery Breaking up my mind Do this Don't do that Can't you read the sign.” http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/6103/signs.html
