The Ben by The Troy

A toast given August 21, 2004 in honor of Ben and Michelle Ahring on their wedding day.

Michelle and Ben your marriage starting, But first some stories I must be imparting
A few reminders from a lengthy volume of forgotten lore—
It was Cambridge that got it turning, and Edwood with campfire burning
A flat tire and neighbor spurning, Two boys with a nail they did implore
What? Wangland’s car tire had become flatter, flatter than it was before?
Quote the Ben->Flat tires no more!

Down Evergreen Lane our bikes went riding, around the trees, climbing, gliding
At Valley View’s pool our diving and splashing you could not ignore
Legend of Zelda, Twenty one tip, so quickly our summers they did slip
They did slip, slip until we were twenty three or was it twenty four?
Together we moved to Oak Park, and lived upon the 3rd and a half floor
Quote the Ben->3rd and a half floor?

Flashing cars from the city parting, Cops arrive at our party upstarting
Dave is singing karaoke because of Northwestern’s final score
Up a mountain a beer a token, Chad and Ben left Josh’s knee broken
In the forest many curses spoken, while they climbed greater heights than ever before
Up a mountain Ben and Chad because Josh was all too sore
Quote the Ben->I climb no more

The 9000th day had them guessing, a barbershop chorus with Ben undressing,
Ben back hair waving through the loop near Michigan’s quiet shore,
Ah the days we sat divining, on Washington Blvd we were reclining,
Chicago Pub-crawls our eyes shining, crazy nights as never had before
On the blue line, West side lining, falling asleep and starting to snore
OUR STOP!?! Quote the Ben->The door the door!

And the Ben, never flitting, still is waiting still is sitting
Sprawled near the toilet, near the sink on Scott’s bathroom floor
As his eyes rolled back seeming, the gin gimlets have him dreaming
Of happier days with sunlight streaming, if only he could get to the door
But I’m the one who’s cleaning, the mess sprayed across the tile floor
Quote the Ben->Gin Gimlets Nevermore!

You see, the girls had left Ben guessing, there was no love to be expressing
No girl could withstand the fury of the mighty Ahring Snore!
But WAIT! Is there an ANGEL God hath lent thee?—a SERAPHIM he hath sent thee?
Could MICHELLE finally repent thee…I know these rhymes are pushing you to snore.
But wait, but wait, and I’ll tell you more
Quote the Ben->Tell me more

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was August, or perhaps December
And the music had struck an ember, Ben danced with Michelle across the disco floor
Colleen’s birthday came with the morrow; --and too many drinks she did borrow
In the gutter she sent HER sorrow –sorrow…but still Ben & Michelle danced across the floor
My eyes were getting blurry Can we go home? Ben & Michelle danced all the more
Quote the Ben->must dance more

Yes, it’s Michelle’s BS censor, that keeps Ben honest when he grows denser
It’s her gaze, her stare, her womanly power that shuts up Ben as no one ever has before!
Everything Ben’s got he has flaunted, and for some reason Michelle’s undaunted
It’s her heart that Ben has haunted, and she does not fear the power of the Ahring Snore!
Oh what a radiant maiden that even the angels they do adore!
Quote the Ben->On the Honey Moon I’ll Score!

A toast to our couple no longer lonely, and I’ll finish with these words only:
Ben is my friend, my brother and Michelle makes him happier than ever before
Let not your love be simply muttered, Do not spit and do not sputter
Oh these words more than utter, To Ben and Michelle happiness forever more
To Ben and Michelle happiness forever more!
Quote the Ben->Forever more!

Kim & Troy wish Ben and Michelle the best. Thanks for letting us be part of your day. Let's add another volume of forgotten lore!

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