Wilson Ng: Bizdrivenlife's JokeBook

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 22:11:06 GMT

Knowing what Happened

I am a fan of mysteries, and even went so far to assert that the management case can be treated like a whodunit puzzle. Here is a Sherlock Holmes story that illustrates how a person fails to understand what is happening, which is one of the first things a detective, and an entrepreneur should know.

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were on a camping trip and in the middle of the night Holmes woke up and nudged the faithful Dr Watson. “Look up at the sky Watson and tell me (more…)

Quips

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 22:07:28 GMT

“”I understand the bank is looking for a cashier.”
“I thought they hired one last month.”
“He’s the one they’re looking for right now.” “

“Q: What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot?
A: Sir.”

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 15:04:59 GMT

Moving Bizdrivenlife

I am now updating and moving to the new bizdrivenlife site here.

I will still maintain this site as a mirror site for some days and weeks, but most of my new posts will be at the new site. In the next few days, I will also transfer the www.bizdrivenlife.net so that if you are using this as your marker, you will be redirected there.

If you are using my feedburner RSS to download my posts, which is as follows:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/ReflectionsOfABusiness-drivenLife, then I have redirected it to download from the new site, so you don't need to do anything. However, if you are not downloading anything new, pls. go to my new site, and subscribe to the Feedburner RSS on the upper left corner of the blog.

I hope that by moving my blog into WordPress, I can be more flexible, and it will be easier for you to search, locate the information you want, as well as notice the better organization of the new site.

The same 8 subcategories will still be there, and I have taken also the liberty of transferring some of the top posts the last few weeks there. My selected writings for the last one year is also there.

I am hoping with this new setup, I will be able to more easily communicate with you, and scale even better heights.

As usual, thank you for your support, and your comments are always welcome.

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 23:32:05 GMT

Heard on the news of release of Michael Jackson "jokes"

Michael's family is glad this thing is finally over. Now they can all get back to not speaking to one another. - Jay Leno

What a crazy week in HOllywood - Michael Jackson has stopped sleeping with children in his bed, and Tom Cruise has started. - Michael Somerville

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 07:37:52 GMT

Some Humor ( jokes)

Great humor not only tickle the funny bone, but also delivers a punch line that makes us think about our lives, our relationships and the way we interact.

Here's humor that is a subtle dig on married life.

Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, a father asked his son if he got a part.

The son enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten one. " I play a man who's been married for 20 years."

" That's great, son. Keep up the good work, and before you know it, they'll be giving you a speaking part soon."

In business, sometimes, we have confilcts. While conflicts are inevitable, conflicts not properly managed can be among the biggest drain on motivation, and can result in wasted money and time. Before we spend another time to argue and fight, especially when it involves getting expensive lawyers, let us remember this joke:

Two farmers were fighting over a cow. while one was pulling the head and the other was pulling the tail, the lawyer was seen milking the cow...

Tue, 24 May 2005 10:33:39 GMT

Replicate the Problem First! ( on jokes)

Here is something light... If you are from the software industry, you'll appreciate this one ....

An engineer, a manager, and a computer programmer were driving down a steep hill when their brakes suddenly failed. They managed to avoid a serious accident by steering into a grassy bank, and immediately discussed how to fix it.

"We need to organize a committee," said the manager. " That way, through a process of continuous improvement, we can develop a solution."

"That will take too long, " pointed out the engineer, "Let's take apart the brake system, identify the problem and correct it."

"You're both wrong!" interjected the programmer. "We should push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 02:10:33 GMT

More Business Laughs ( on Jokes)

I like jokes, and believes humor is an essential part in successful business conversations. Thus, I am making sure that while this is a business blog, we don't forget the fun part. Here is my collection for today.

---------------

Now that you've made it to the top, what's the best thing about it?" Asked the VP.

After a thoughtpul pause, the new CEO replied, " These days, when I bore people, they think its their fault, not mine. "

---------------

The manager has been fussy all the day, and he turned furiously on his hapless secretary, and snarled. " where the hell's my pen?"

"why, behind your ear, Mr. Peters, " she stammered.

"Golddamit Blenda, you know how busy I am, " he howled back. " Which ear?"

----------------

---------------

A company received a large order from a customer, and wrote a letter, " Sir, we are sorry we cannot fill your order until full payment is made on the last one. "

Next day they got a reply, " WE are sorry to cancel the new order. WE cannot wait that long ... "

---------------

The businessman was rather put off when the bum approached him with a request for five dollars to buy a cup of coffee.

"you can buy coffee for sixty cents, " he responded tartly.

" right you are, " conceded the bum cheerfully, " but I like to leave a big tip. "

------------------

Here's a joke that is actually food for thought.

The pig complained to the cow saying, " I know you give milk, leather, and beef, but I give pork, pigskin, and even my bristles are used for brushes. Why are you loved so much more?"

" Maybe, " the cow said sweetly, " its because I give while I'm still alive."

----------------

a woman was chatting with her friend. " I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave five dollars to a bum."

" that;s a lot of money. What did your husband said about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the thing to do. He said 'thanks'".

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 01:20:09 GMT

Light Business Jokes ( jokes)

After so many days of statistics, and discussions, let us lighten up with some jokes.

-----------

A kid swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat. His mother yelled for help. A man passing by hit him in the small of the back, and the coin came out.

" I don't know how to thank you , Doctor..., " his mother started.

"I'm not a doctor," the man replied, " I'm a tax collector of the revenue service."

---------------------

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday did not happen today.

---------------------

Tree econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired but missed by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired but missed by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, " we got it! We got it!"

There is always a better way to announce bad news

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 03:25:35 GMT

There is always a better way to announce bad news. (on jokes)

/* This is an anecdote I liked to illustrate that it makes a difference how you communicate bad news */

A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.

Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 09:33:01 GMT

How do you create a flood? (jokes)

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"

The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how do you start a flood?"

What's the Bad News? (jokes)

A civil servant is badly hurt, after falling down the stairs at city hall. He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for several days.

Finally an eye opens and his doctor tells him, " my friend, I have bad news and I have good news. first of all you'll never be able to work again. "

" Okay", muttered the injured bureaucrat. " What's the bad news?"

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 00:52:27 GMT

What’s the Bad News?

A civil servant is badly hurt, after falling down the stairs at city hall. He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for several days.

Finally an eye opens and his doctor tells him, " my friend, I have bad news and I have good news. first of all you'll never be able to work again. "

" Okay", muttered the injured bureaucrat. " What's the bad news?"

My Beemer!

A businessman was rushing to his next appointment when he figured in a car accident. He hastily got out of his car as he surveyed the damage while all the time wailing loudly, “ Oh my Beemer!”

A bystander commented, “ Hey, you guys are becoming so materialistic. Didn’t you notice that your arm has been cut off?”

The man looks at his arm, and wailed, “ Oh, my Rolex! “

We were all Lions!

A mouse was busy making preparations because his brother, the lion was getting married.

“ How can the lion be your brother, when you are a mouse.”, ask his friend.

The mouse grinned. " We were all lions before we get married."

A Texan Farmer In Australia

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?"

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

About the Devil

Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?"

The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just your Dad, too."

Aggravation, Irritation, and Frustration.

A boy asked his father what the difference was between aggravation,

irritation, and frustration.

Dad picks up the Phone and dials a number. When the phone is answered,

he asks, "Can I speak to Alf, please?"

"No! There's no one called Alf here." The call is terminated.

"That's irritation," said Dad.

He picked up the phone again,

He dialled the same number and asked for Alf again.

"No - there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I

shall telephone the police." End of conversation.

"That's aggravation," said Dad.

"Dad, what's frustration?"

Dad picks up the phone and dials a third time.

The same person picks up the phone.

Dad says, "Hello. This is Alf. Has anyone left any messages for me?"