The Divorce Center of of Tampa, Pasco County, Pinellas County, and Pinellas County Florida

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 22:34:18 GMT

Sitemap for The Divorce Center

Divorce Process Overview

Typical steps in a divorce for Florida - some steps are different in Tampa Florida vs Pinellas County, Pasco County, or Hernando County Florida

Beginning step - an overview of the divorce process
A description of the documents to gather for your case
The divorce petition
How the petition is served on your spouse
Financial disclosure
The discovery process - depositions, interrogatories, and requests to produce
Negotiation - working toward a negotiated settlement agreement
The mediation process - working with a court appointed mediator
The Final Hearing - if mediation is successful
Case management conference and pretrial conference
Motions - motion for contempt, motion for temporary support, motion to compel
Evidence in a courtroom - problems and opportunities
Final Trial - if all issues are still contested
General Florida divorce statute 61.052

Child Custody Factors

An overview of how a judge chooses the parent to have custody of the children

The child's home situation, school situation, and involvement with the community
Each parent's mental, physical, and moral state
How permanent the proposed home is - of the custodial parent
Continuity of the situation - if the child's life will stay stable
The Ability to provide for the child - food, shelter, clothing, etc
The love, affection, and ties with the child - from each parent
Past episodes of domestic violence and how they affect custody
The parent who allows contact or interferes with visitation
Child custody statute - Florida
Child support statute 61.13
Relocation with children statute
Rotating child custody - a description

Property Distribution - Equitable Distribution

Typical items in the home that are subject to equitable distribution

What happens when only one name is on the title

Typical men's items in a divorce and who gets them

Typical women's items in a divorce and who gets them

How cash, stocks, cds, bonds, etc are divided

The family pet - who gets the pet

Who gets the house in a divorce

Appliances and other items in the home

Cars / Automobiles

Is the property marital or non marital

Property distribution statute 61.075

Alimony - How it is decided

The different factors a court considers when deciding on alimony

Overview of alimony - permanent periodic alimony - lump sum alimony - rehabilitative alimony
How the length of the marriage affects alimony
The employment prospects of both spouses
The age of either spouse
The standard of living established during the marriage
Each person's contribution to the marriage
The assets each person has available to sustain their lifestyle
The current income of either spouse
How fairness and justice help decide alimony
Florida alimony statute 61.08
New Florida Alimony law

Child Support - Calculation and Issues

Child support overview and main menu
The state of Florida - general policy on child support
How child support is calculated
Child Support enforcement in Florida and the long arm of the law
Florida child support statute 61.13

Misc Family Law Subjects

Domestic Violence Injunctions

Getting the other party to pay attorney fees

Social Security and divorce

How to bring documents and photos to Court

Mediation in a divorce

Legal Separation in Florida

Self help resources

How to behave in Court

Court locations in Hillsborough, Pinellas, Pasco, and Hernando

A selection of Florida divorce forms

Special Reports for Divorce Issues in Florida

A checklist for people that have been served with divorce papers - summons

Domestic violence injunctions

Divorce and family owned businesses - an overview

7 ways to make your divorce smoother

7 common divorce myths

About The Divorce Center

Divorce attorney Howard Iken - a letter to our clients

Stress studies and divorce

10 steps to reduce stress

Divorce distractions for Pinellas County Florida

Divorce and the sale of the marital home

The future of legal services - divorce services

6 ways to reduce the paid of divorce

News report - forget divorce court

News report - new website for divorce education

In divorce - women no longer have all the power

Topics for Business Owners and Their Spouses in a Florida Divorce

Divorce and Business ownership - an overview

Family businesses and the divorce process

Divorce and IRS Taxes

What if your spouse cheated the IRS - what happens in a divorce

Business Valuation Strategy for the Business Owner in a Divorce

Strategy for the Spouse of a Business Owner in a Divorce

Business valuation - how it is done and an overview

Mon, 08 May 2006 16:57:42 GMT

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Actresses not friends after marriage splits

Associated Press

Richards

NEW YORK – Denise Richards, seeking a divorce from Charlie Sheen, says she is no longer friends with Heather Locklear, in the next issue of People magazine.

Photos of Richards with Locklear’s estranged husband, Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora, recently appeared in celebrity magazines. One photo shows Richards kissing Sambora.

“I wish Heather well,” says the actress, 35. “Unfortunately, our friendship had to dissolve and I’m sad about that.”

Locklear, 44, filed for divorce from Sambora, 46, on Feb. 2, citing irreconcilable differences. The two have been separated since Dec. 26, according to the divorce filing.

Richards filed for divorce from Sheen, 40, in March 2005 after three years of marriage. The couple seemed to have reconciled after the birth of their second daughter, Lola, but in January, they filed legal papers asking a private arbitrator to handle their divorce.

“This is all hard – it’s very painful,” Richards says in People’s May 15 issue.

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 19:05:03 GMT

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PeopleNews

Eddie Murphy's Divorce Final

The marriage of Eddie and Nicole Murphy officially ended Monday, court papers reveal.

The comedian will pay child support to his ex-wife, with whom he has five children. Their youngest daughter, Bella Zahra, is 3; their eldest, Bria, 15.

Attorneys for Murphy had no comment. Nicole Murphy's lawyers could not be reached.

Nicole Murphy, a 37-year-old former model, filed for divorce Aug. 5 in Los Angeles after 12 years of marriage.

"The welfare of our children is our main concern and their best interest is our first priority," Murphy, 44, said in a statement issued by his rep, Paul Bloch, after the filing.

The couple met in 1988 and wed in 1993.

Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:16:26 GMT

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Green files for divorce againBy Andy Nelesen
anelesen@greenbaypressgazette.com

Green Bay Packers running back Ahman Green served his wife with divorce papers Tuesday, less than a month after prosecutors cited a reconciled relationship as the reason for dropping domestic violence charges.

Green filed divorce papers and paid the $175 filing fee Tuesday in Brown County Circuit Court. Wisconsin law does not require the couple to cite reasons for the divorce in the filing.

Ahman Green was arrested April 25, 2005, at the Ledgeview home he shared with his wife, Heather. The couple had argued and Green slammed doors and argued with his wife before hanging up a call she made to 911, according to the criminal complaint filed in the case.

Green’s lawyers and prosecutors hammered out a carefully worded continuance agreement to help Green avoid sanctions from the National Football League. In August, Green signed the deal which included community service and called for Green to stay out of trouble for a year.

Ahman Green filed for divorce against his wife three days after the initial incident, but the divorce case was dismissed in December.

In February, Green’s lawyers said the continuance deal was off and asked to have the domestic violence case go to trial. On March 21, Brown County District Attorney John Zakowski dropped the misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge, citing Green’s reconciliation with his wife.

“Circumstances have changed since the original complaint was filed that brought us to the point that a jury would not convict if this case were to go to trial,” Zakowski said when the charge was dropped. “Given some of the conversations our office has had with the victim, we feel it is appropriate that we go in this direction. Now, given her posture, it would be unlikely that we could secure a conviction.”

Efforts to reach Zakowski for comment late Tuesday were unsuccessful. No hearing dates have been set for Green’s current divorce filing.

Green, 29, has been the Packers’ starting halfback since 2001, but was injured for much of the 2005 season. He recently signed an incentive-laden one-year, $1.75 million deal with the Packers for the 2006 season.

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 21:01:25 GMT

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PeopleNews

Eminem Files for Divorce – Again

Less than three months after remarrying his ex-wife Kim Mathers, Eminem has filed divorce.

The filing Wednesday on behalf of Marshall Bruce Mathers III was confirmed by two employees of the Macomb County clerk's office, the Associated Press reports. The emloyees didn't provide their names, citing an office policy.

The rapper and Kim, his high school sweetheart, were married on Jan. 14 for the second time. They exchanged vows at Brook Hall mansion in Rochester, Mich. before 80 guests including rappers 50 Cent and Proof.

Eminem, 33, and Kim, 31, originally wed in 1999 and divorced two years later, waging an ugly custody battle over their daughter, Hailie Jade, now 10. They also have a daughter Alaina, Kim's niece, whom they adopted.

The couple patched things up in late 2004, and in December 2005 Eminem told Detroit radio station WKQI-FM, "We have reconciled and are probably going to remarry."

Messages seeking comment were left Wednesday with Eminem's publicist, Dennis Dennehy.

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 12:09:45 GMT

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Rebound Marriages No More Likely to End in Divorce

Many self-help books and well-meaning friends and relatives offer this advice to newly divorced friends: Don't marry on the rebound. Don't rush into or commit to a serious relationship prematurely. Wait until you are good and ready.

However, according to new research by Nicholas Wolfinger, associate professor in the University of Utah's Department of Family and Consumer Studies, "There is no relationship between 'the rebound marriage"—that is, a marriage that quickly follows on the heels of the end of another—and divorce. Rebounding into a second marriage is no more or less likely to increase the chance of another divorce than if a person waits a longer period of time.”

Wolfinger, author of Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages, published last year, notes that counseling against a rebound marriage, which, he says, “is intuitive” to most people, perpetuates the myth that marriages will end if one or both parties marry soon after a divorce.

“If you rush into a new relationship, others usually interpret it as you are not ready or that you are overly eager or that you haven’t searched long enough for a new partner. He will present his findings this week at the annual meeting of the Population Association of America, in Los Angeles.

Wolfinger, who teaches University courses on the family, divorce and remarriage, said part of his motivation to research the issue came from consistently being asked by students whether second (and subsequent) marriages are more likely to end in divorce if the parties marry too soon. “There were no good studies out there that allowed me to answer this question,” says Wolfinger, also an adjunct associate professor in the University’s Department of Sociology.

Wolfinger’s research analyzed 1,171 adults from the National Survey of Families and Households data to determine whether rebound time, defined as months elapsed between an initial divorce and subsequent remarriage, affects a remarriage’s stability. He measured the end of the first marriage by separation, rather than divorce, as research suggests that the marriage often ends when separation occurs. “Quite often, the interval between separation and formal divorce is the time during which you are just marshalling your resources to be a single person,” he says.
For the study, Wolfinger measured new relationship formation from the time the person remarried or started living with someone who eventually became their spouse. “Many second marriages are preceded by cohabitation,” he says. “You can understand the rationale—‘Let’s live together first’ or ‘Let’s not go through the fancy white dress wedding.’

Many factors that put first marriages at risk—lower levels of education and coming from a divorced family—are also challenges the second time around. “Second marriages have a number of additional factors working against them—the difficulties step kids represent as well as the fact that the second marriage is a population that has shown its willingness to get divorced. They have done it once and, in essence, they are willing to do it again,” he says.

Wolfinger says research indicates that many of the disruptions associated with divorce, like residential mobility, take place within a year or two. Much of the clinical literature on divorce, however, Wolfinger notes, “is vague in how long emotional recovery takes. It is safer to say different people recover at different rates,” he says.

Wolfinger examined the rebound hypothesis only as it pertains to marriage. “Maybe the rebound effect really does exist in dating relationships,” he says. “Perhaps those relationships are more likely to break up if people rebound quickly into them, but there are not adequate data available to test that question.”

Source: University of Utah

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 00:06:23 GMT

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DVDs: Scenes from a divorce in Squid and the Whale

By Phoebe Flowers
South Florida Sun-Sentinel Film Writer
Posted March 21 2006

Before The Squid and the Whale, Noah Baumbach directed two well-received movies, Kicking and Screaming (1995) and Mr. Jealousy (1997). But last year's brilliant, semi-autobiographical tale of a literary family suffering through divorce in 1986 Brooklyn has the feel of a first film, in all the right ways.

Baumbach spent four years nailing down financing for his bittersweet third project, which tells the tale of Bernard (Jeff Daniels, in a Golden Globe-nominated role) and Joan (Laura Linney, who stuck with the movie for all the years of preproduction), writers on the verge of a breakup after nearly two decades of marriage. Suffering the fallout are their two sons, insecure teenage Walt (Jesse Eisenberg) and disaffected 12-year-old Frank (Owen Kline).

Baumbach himself was 14 when his parents, novelist Jonathan Baumbach and former Village Voice film critic Georgia Brown, split in 1984, and he grew up in the same neighborhood where the film was shot (sometimes without permits due to lack of funds and time). Fittingly, his real younger brother, Nico Baumbach, shot the 10-minute behind-the-scenes featurette that is lacking only in length.

In it, Linney and Daniels talk passionately about their characters on location after the sun has set ("We're all here for the script," Daniels says). Iconic filmmaker Wes Anderson (The Royal Tenenbaums), with whom Baumbach collaborated on the script for The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou and who has a producer credit on Squid, pops up in the background of filming a few key scenes. And Owen Kline, who Baumbach seems to go out of his way to neglect to mention is the son of actors Kevin Kline and Phoebe Cates, expresses how equally charming and precocious he is off-camera. (All the filmmaker will throw you is an occasional "his mom, Phoebe," and "my wife, Jennifer," meaning Jennifer Jason Leigh, a friend of Cates' since they made Fast Times at Ridgemont High. It's a calculated modesty that would be annoying in a less talented director.)

Baumbach declined, he says, to do a traditional commentary, because "if I really had any more to say about the movie, it would have been in the movie." (Unsurprisingly, then, there are no deleted scenes on the disc.) Instead, he talks for just under an hour over a series of stills, which, again, might be annoying if Baumbach hadn't made such a fine film.

Watching and listening to the director discuss his work, it quickly becomes apparent that Baumbach is far too articulate and -- we'll just say it -- attractive to be working behind the camera. But when you consider his ability to make a movie so sharply funny and sad all at once, so relatable to myriad generations, thank God he is.

Phoebe Flowers can be reached at pflowers@sun-sentinel.

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 12:04:47 GMT

Celebrity Divorce Lawyers Provide Marriage Advice

WRITER/ATTORNEY SURVEYED 100 OF AMERICA'S LEGAL EXPERTS TO UNCOVER MOST COMMON CAUSES OF DIVORCE—AND HOW TO AVOID THEM

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

LOS ANGELES, CA – March 6, 2006: America’s most public “Newlyweds,” Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, joined an estimated 1.2 million other American couples who filed for divorce in 2005. Although divorces of the rich and famous receive the lion’s share of the publicity, they are merely a reflection of the overall societal epidemic: nearly 50% of all first marriages, and an astounding 66% of all subsequent marriages, don’t make it to “death do us part.”

Hoping to help stem the tide of this epidemic, writer/attorney Wendy Jaffe set out to write “The Divorce Lawyers’ Guide to Staying Married” . In order to pinpoint the primary causes of divorce and how best to avoid them, Jaffe conducted in-depth interviews with 100 of America’s top divorce attorneys, including several who can count among their clients some of America’s biggest names. Her impressive list includes, among others: Eleanor Breitel Alter (who represented Mia Farrow in her divorce from Woody Allen) Irwin Buter (repped Viacom’s Les Moonves), Bruce Clemens (Brad Pitt), Robert Nachshin (Barry Bonds, author Terry McMillan), Sorrell Trope (Nicolas Cage, Rosanne Barr) and Dennis Wasser (Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin). Jaffe’s father, prominent Beverly Hills attorney Daniel J. Jaffe—whose renowned firm has represented Nicole Brown Simpson (in her divorce from O.J.), and the wives of media mogul Rupert Murdoch and director James Cameron—wrote the foreword to the book.

The attorneys’ consensus was that two-thirds of divorces are entirely avoidable if couples learn to identify and treat the key symptoms of divorce. Jaffe outlines how to diagnose and treat these symptoms, involving everything from low-sex marriages, infidelity, addiction, abuse, workaholics and “kidaholics”, blended families, dealing with exes and in-laws, the “Clone Syndrome” and its impact on second marriages—to even the most basic of issues, such as unrealistic expectations and poor communication.

Jaffe concludes the book with a full chapter dedicated to “final thoughts” directly from the attorneys themselves, leaving the reader with powerful insight to consider and apply to their own relationship. Beverly Hills attorney Stephen Kolodny, who has represented the wives of author Michael Crichton and billionaire Kirk Kerkorian, is quoted in the book as saying, “You need to continue to work to make your relationship good every day, and not take your spouse or relationship for granted. Find some rules for your relationship that keep it vital, alive, happy and desirous all the time.”

However, while mutual respect, honesty and commitment were among the common issues emphasized in the book, Manhattan’s Raoul Lionel Felder (who has represented Liza Minelli’s ex, David Gest and New York Mayor Rudolph Guiliani), stresses the importance of also having a good pre-nup. “Many wars have been caused by miscalucation of entitlements and ambitions,” Felder says. “A prenuptial agreement prevents this.”

An invaluable resource for anyone (famous or not) hoping to sustain a successful relationship, “The Divorce Lawyers’ Guide to Staying Married” is AVAILABLE NOW for purchase at www.volt-press.com, as well as bookstores and all major online retailers.

About the Author

Wendy Jaffe, Esq. graduated from UCLA in 1983, and the McGeorge School of Law in 1986. She has practiced entertainment and family law, written articles for the Los Angeles Times, and has co-written many articles on cutting edge family law issues for both the American Bar Association and the California Bar Association. She is the daughter of prominent Beverly Hills lawyer Daniel J. Jaffe, recently described by Forbes Magazine as "the hottest divorce attorney in Los Angeles." In the 1990s, Jaffe created and marketed a successful and highly publicized novelty item, geared toward enhancing passion between couples. She resides in Los Angeles, California, with her husband and two children.

TITLE: The Divorce Lawyers’ Guide to Staying Married
AUTHOR: Wendy Jaffe, Esq.; Foreword by Daniel J. Jaffe, Esq.
PUBLICATION MONTH: FEBRUARY 2006
ISBN: 1-56625-268-7
PRICE: $14.95
SPECS: 210 pages, paper, 6” x 9”

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 11:38:49 GMT

Appeals Court Sets Guidelines In Multi-Religion Divorce Cases

DENVER -- Divorced parents who lose the right to make decisions about their children's religious upbringing still have the right to educate them about the parent's religion, as long as the children don't suffer emotionally or physically, the Colorado Court of Appeals said Thursday.

A three-judge panel overturned part of a Douglas County district judge's orders in a divorce case, saying it was the first time a Colorado court had been asked to consider the issue.

Rebekah and Joseph McSoud had one child, a boy who is now 7 years old, before she sought a divorce in 2001. After a January 2004 hearing, the judge gave Joseph McSoud sole responsibility to make decisions regarding the boy's religious upbringing, but said the parents would share decision-making responsibilities for other issues.

The boy was baptized Catholic, and his father wanted to raise him in that religion, the ruling said. Rebekah McSoud, who is Protestant, appealed the orders, saying provisions limiting her practice of her religion and her influence on the boy's religious upbringing were unconstitutional.

The appeals court agreed that her rights had been violated by part of the orders, but said Douglas County District Judge Richard Turelli would have to take the case back to gather more information and then reconsider other portions.

The ruling provides attorneys valuable guidance in child-custody cases involving religion, an issue that appears to have become more prevalent in recent years, said Denver attorney Gina Weitzenkorn.

"We all know we have a constitutional right to practice whatever religion we want," she said. "I think what this case would say is (the state) can't infringe on that without a showing of harm to the child."

The appeals court overturned a provision of the judge's orders that restricted Rebekah McSoud's right to take the boy to her church unless she agreed to allow him to participate in Catholic activities during her parenting time.

There was no evidence that the child would suffer physical or emotional harm if his mother brought him to her church, the court said. Without such evidence, the state cannot restrict her practice of her religion or her influence on the boy's religious education, the appeals court ruled.

"The issue has come up a time or two in the past in Colorado where a judge would admonish a parent that they were not to expose a child to teachings that were deemed detrimental to the child," said Joseph McSoud's attorney, Kathleen Hogan. "What they're saying is `We don't need evidence of harm to make the call between two warring parents, but we do need evidence of harm to say to mom, even though you're not the sole decision-maker, you can't take the child to your church on your parenting time."'

Rebekah McSoud's attorney, Steven Epstein, did not immediately return a call.

Among the issues to be reconsidered by the lower court was an order that the boy not be given "mixed messages" on religion. The appeals court said the term was not defined and had to be clarified.

The appeals court also called for clarification on a provision requiring Rebekah McSoud to take the child to Catholic activities during her parenting time. Her religious freedom would be violated if she were required to accompany the child to those activities, but there might be no problem if she simply needed to arrange transportation or if the activities could be rescheduled, the appeals court ruled.

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 12:12:24 GMT

Jennifer Aniston divulges her divorce philosophy
Washington | February 02, 2006 3:24:38 PM IST

Former Friends star Jennifer Aniston has revealed that though she believes that talking about her joy publicly put a jinx on her marriage to actor Brad Pitt, she refuses to be crippled by her divorce.

The sexy star said that her divorce had taught her that some relationships were meant to be sacred, and that strangers should be kept out of them.

You know, at the time, you go, Celebrate it - were in love, and lets talk, who cares? Part of thats true. It just got a little out of control, thats all. So you learn those lessons. Its just about learning what to keep sacred, Contactmusic quoted her, as saying.

However the actress said that unlike some women, she refused to let her relationship with Brad and the ensuing divorce rule her life.

There are so many women who are crippled by divorce. I felt like there was a little part of it that I could put out there that was not about airing my dirty laundry but was sort of saying that you can get through something like this and be as happy, if not happier, again, Femalefirst quoted her, as telling GQ magazine.

Im not defined by this relationship. I wasnt when I was in it, and I dont want to be in the aftermath of it, she added. (ANI)

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 12:00:13 GMT

No Divorce for Bobby and Whitney

January 23, 2006 12:30 p.m. EST

Felicia Willis - All Headline News Staff Writer

(AHN) - According to reports, Bobby Brown has shot down rumors that he and wife Whitney Houston are divorcing.

Apparently, Bobby let it slip that he and Whitney were getting a divorce while flirting with groupies backstage at a concert. One of the groupies allegedly asked him, “What’s up with your wife?” and Bobby was overheard responding, “We ain’t together no more, we’re getting a divorce.”

Bobby came forward saying, “The rumors are wrong. They’re false. People say I said something about it, but I joke a lot…I don’t think I said it, but if I did it was a joke. Trust me…it’s someone that got the words mixed up.”

Bobby went on to say, “She's my friend. She's the better half of me. They say opposites attract, but we're not opposites. We're one person. We're loving life.”

Fri, 13 Jan 2006 18:21:08 GMT

Actor Hasselhoff to divorce wife

Ex-Baywatch star David Hasselhoff is divorcing his wife of 16 years, citing "irreconcilable differences".

The 53-year-old actor began proceedings to divorce Pamela Bach in Los Angeles. They have two daughters.

The couple have agreed to an amicable settlement, Hasselhoff's spokeswoman Judy Katz said.

As well as starring in US series Baywatch and Knight Rider, Hasselhoff is a successful singer in Germany, where he continues to tour.

Alcohol treatment

Bach is herself an actress, having appeared in daytime soap The Young and the Restless and episodes of Baywatch.

She became Hasselhoff's second wife when they married in 1989.

In 2004 Hasselhoff was ordered to undergo an alcohol treatment programme after appearing in court on a charge of drink-driving.

Two years before he had admitted himself to the Betty Ford clinic for alcohol addiction, admitting he had reached "rock bottom".

He recently performed in the West End in the musical Chicago, playing the part of egotistical lawyer Billy Flynn.

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 17:44:52 GMT

Wounds of divorce may linger

PATRICK KAMPERT

Chicago Tribune

By the time she was 5, Elizabeth Marquardt was traveling across the country alone, flying coach as she moved between her divorced parents. She says her parents split with very little conflict, perhaps owing partly to another kind of distance - geographical - between them.

Now 34, Marquardt seems well-adjusted, dividing time between her job as a resident scholar for a Washington, D.C., think tank and her own family - husband and two kids - in Highland Park, Ill.

But beneath the veneer, Marquardt says she and other young adults who grew up in the divorce explosion of the '70s and '80s are still dealing with wounds that they could never talk about with their parents. It's that family situation that also serves as the backdrop of the recent movie drama "The Squid and the Whale."

Marquardt's own experience, she says, was a catalyst for her research in what she calls "the first national study of children of divorce," conducted with sociologist Norval Glenn of the University of Texas at Austin. The results of the study - and a poignant narrative of her own experience - are contained in her new book, "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce" (Crown, $24.95).

The conclusions

The key findings of the study by Marquardt and Glenn are these:

• The grown children of divorce say there is no such thing as a good divorce.

• Children of divorce say they spent a lot of time alone and, as a result, found some emotional distance between themselves and their parents.

• Even in an amicable split, divorce makes children grow up between the two distinct worlds of their parents, who often have different values and priorities.

• Children internalize the conflict between these two worlds. They say they feel they have to grow up too soon, act like different people around their parents and keep secrets to preserve the peace.

"Too many people have unrealistic ideas about divorce," Marquardt said. "They think if you do it right, it won't be so hard on the kids. And that's where this 'good divorce' idea is so damaging and so seductive, because it basically tells parents a lie.

"Even for those of us who end up quote-unquote successful," Marquardt said, "divorce shapes the identities of young people for a lifetime in ways that we haven't noticed or haven't talked about before - mainly because all the research has been done by people who did not themselves experience divorce as children."

The researchers to whom Marquardt alludes are Judith Wallerstein and E. Mavis Hetherington. Wallerstein's 2000 book, "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" - criticized by some for a small survey sample - said children are definitely harmed by divorce.

Two years later, Hetherington's book "For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered," which was based on extensive regional research, said divorce doesn't leave the majority of children with lasting damage.

Though Wallerstein wrote a foreword for "Between Two Worlds," Marquardt hopes her book about divorce's subtler effects can avoid the point-counterpoint salvos of the earlier skirmish.

"For a long time," Marquardt said, "people have been arguing about how many children of divorce end up with serious delinquency or teen pregnancy or depression. What I do in this book is go to a whole new level. And it's told from the perspective of the young adults who are affected by divorce. It's not just 'divorce sucks-divorce is fine-divorce sucks' - that whole endless debate we've been in for 10 or 20 years."

Marquardt agrees that, sometimes, a divorce is necessary, as in cases of domestic violence, drug abuse, alcoholism or infidelity. But two-thirds of marriages that end in divorce are simply low-conflict relationships in which people drift apart.

"Divorce needs to happen sometimes, but it's always a tragedy," she said. "A healthy marriage is an incredible gift to give to your children, and it's possible for almost all of us."

Marquardt's message appears to be resonating with people. National magazines have interviewed her, and she recently answered questions from "Today" co-host Matt Lauer.

Closer to home, therapists who work in the trenches with children and adults in the midst of divorce have a grass-roots view of the study.

Karen Grais Meyer, a Highland Park therapist who has been deeply involved in divorce issues since 1983 and is a child-custody evaluator, called the book "compelling" but added that she has mixed feelings about it.

"I believe that children of divorce do have some additional challenges growing up than children of intact families," she said. "Parents don't always pay the same amount of attention to as many details of the child's life as they did when the parents are living together."

Meyer said she has seen many couples give up on their marriages too easily. Yet Meyer said Marquardt's own story, and many of the anecdotes from low-conflict divorces in the book, don't come across as the "good divorces" the author has labeled them.

"In good divorces, the parents almost always communicate on a daily basis," she said. "The parents live fairly close together, and the details of the children's lives are really being attended to."

David Royko, psychologist and director of the Cook County Circuit Court's marriage and family counseling service, said he's all for anything that gets parents to stay vigilant after the papers are signed.

"Parents have to continue to do a better job in terms of cooperating," said Royko, author of "Voices of Children of Divorce." "Even if they've finished working through the divorce emotionally, this is something their kids are going to be reacting to and being affected by indefinitely."

Though he has praise for "Between Two Worlds," Royko said making a dent in the U.S. divorce rate, still around 50 percent, is more likely to come from "people making better decisions about who they marry in the first place."

Marquardt said she hopes adult children of divorce come away from her book realizing, "It's not just me. I'm not alone." She also hopes it will persuade couples who have a case of the blahs to try harder to rekindle their relationship.

Marquardt's parents married and divorced twice, but she said she is close to both of them.

"I don't blame my parents, because they were young; we've all made mistakes," she said. "But my parents were not able to give me something. And it thrills me every day to see my kids in a secure little world. They have one home and one family and they take it completely for granted. They have no idea life could be any different.

"I don't feel proud of that, like I've accomplished something. I'm just grateful because I know a zillion things could tear it apart - not just divorce but all kinds of things - and I'm grateful for where we are."

Fine on outside, pain on inside

Is there any such thing as a good divorce? Researcher and author Elizabeth Marquardt says her new survey shows that even a so-called "good divorce" has serious ramifications for kids.

In what she calls "the first-ever national study of children of divorce," the Gen Xers who are now beginning to have their own children say their lives were much more troubled compared with kids from intact families, even if it looked as though they were doing fine on the outside.

Marquardt, a child of divorce herself, presents the findings in "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce." She said divorce often is necessary in certain situations-like abuse, alcoholism or infidelity. But two out of three U.S. divorces stem from low-conflict marriages, and she hopes her research will persuade couples to exhaust every other option before giving up.

The stats from her study:

• Twice as many children of divorce say they felt like a different person with each of their parents (43 percent versus 21 percent).

• More than three times as many agreed with the statement: "I was alone a lot as a child." Seven times as many "strongly agreed."

• Two-thirds of kids from intact families went to a parent when they needed comfort. Only one-third of children of divorce did the same; they were more likely to turn to friends or siblings.

• Sixty-four percent say life was stressful in their family, compared with 25 percent for intact families.

• Three times as many say they love their mother but don't respect her. Four times as many say they love their father but don't respect him.

Class for divorcing couples

Manatee Community College in the new year will offer classes for parents who are divorcing.

Parents will learn how to help their children cope with divorce in a four-hour course that satisfies a requirement ordered by the 12th Judicial Circuit court.

The classes are offered by the Center for Corporate and Community Development at MCC Bradenton, 5840 26th St. W., and at MCC Lakewood Ranch, 7131 Professional Parkway E.

They are $30 each and will be held from 6 to 10 p.m. Jan. 4, at MCC Bradenton; from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Jan. 14, at MCC Lakewood Ranch; and from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Jan. 21, at MCC Bradenton.

Call MCC Bradenton at 752-5203 or MCC Lakewood Ranch at 363-7000 to register or for more information.

IN THE NEWS

Strokes are rare in children, yet several thousand U.S. children a year suffer strokes - and some specialists fear they're on the rise. The National Institutes of Health estimates that about 1,000 infants a year suffer a stroke during the newborn period or before birth - plus anywhere from 3,000 to 5,000 children from age 1 month to 18 years.

IN THE NEWS

A new survey from the National Sleep Foundation and Pampers on infant sleep reveals that, according to parents, 26 percent of newborns to 4-year-olds are not getting the minimum 12 to 15 hours of sleep per day recommended by the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) and pediatric sleep experts. One half of newborns to 4-year-olds awake at least once during the night and need help or attention. For the full results of the survey, please log on to www.sleepfoundation.org.

- Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 23:52:00 GMT

Jessica divorce official

Last Modified: 19 Dec 2005
Source: ITN

Singer and movie star Jessica Simpson has officially filed for divorce from her husband of three years, Nick Lachey.

After months of speculation about their marriage, the couple announced their split last month and it seems as though Jess isn't hanging around to give things a second chance.

The 25-year-old cited "irreconcilable differences" on the divorce papers and applied not to pay alimony to her boyband husband - despite refusing to sign a pre-nuptial agreement before walking down the aisle.

It is no surprise the blonde beauty is rushing the procedure, she is undoubtedly worried Nick will walk away with some of her fortune.

When the pair tied the knot in 2002 it was Nick who was the richer out of the two, but due to movie roles and a flourishing pop career, Jess is now worth an estimated $54 million.

If Jess's alimony case is rejected, she will be required to pay Nick half of her lucrative earnings under Californian law.

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 12:26:51 GMT

Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt Divorce Tough on Regular Couples?
By Tina Sims Dec 2, 2005

As the Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt break up and eventual divorce drug on what seemed like forever last summer, many believed that it was sweet relief once the October 2 divorce was finalized.

Stars break up rough on non-celebs?

It wasn't that they were happy the couple was kaput - but as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were obviously a couple, many sided with Aniston (I.E. Team Aniston) and figured Pitt would get what he deserved by hooking up with the "wild" Jolie.

But Aubre Andrus, a write for the Badger Herald had a very interesting take. Her take is that 'Celebrity splits discourage love' among the non celebrities.

There’s no hope. No hope at all for anyone. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are over… After all those stories I thought were only rumors … can it possibly get any more depressing?

[…]

It all started when Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up and almost every girl I know was so upset. Then Angelina Jolie had to step into the picture and ruin any chance for future Brad Pitt-Jennifer Aniston babies. And apparently after the breakup of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, he started taking crazy pills and replaced an Australian beauty with boring Ohio girl-next-door Katie Holmes who is now pregnant!

And to top it all off, Cosmopolitan runs an article about “successful” celebrity marriages lasting only five years … or five months — what is the world coming to?

Cute take. (Read the rest here.)

But fear not Aubre, many of these marriages are completely manufactured for publicity and some are even full fledged shams that are doomed to failure from the start.

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 17:18:57 GMT

ELIZABETH MARQUARDT

There's no 'good' divorce

By Elizabeth Marquardt | November 28, 2005

A LITTLE boy scores a goal on the soccer field while his divorced mom and dad, sitting in the stands, cheer him on. A little girl takes a bow after the school play as her divorced mom and dad applaud wildly. At graduations, at weddings, at bar mitzvahs and confirmations, the scene is repeated -- divorced parents having what some call a ''good" divorce.

Many experts and parents embrace the idea, confident that it's not divorce itself that harms children but simply the way that parents divorce. If divorced parents stay involved with their child and don't fight with each other, they say, then children will be fine.

There's only one problem. It's not true.

In a first-ever national study, the grown children of divorce tell us there's no such thing as a ''good" divorce. This nationally representative telephone survey of 1,500 young adults, half from divorced families and half from intact families -- supplemented with more than 70 in-person interviews conducted around the country -- reveals that any kind of divorce, whether amicable or not, sows lasting inner conflict in children's lives.

Only a small minority of grown children of divorce -- just one-fifth -- say their parents had a lot of conflict after their divorce, but the conflict between their parents' worlds did not go away. Instead, the tough job of making sense of their parents' different beliefs, values, and ways of living became the child's job alone.

As a result, many grown children of divorce say they felt divided inside. They recall having to be extremely vigilant, holding a magnifying glass up to both parents' worlds in order to figure out how to survive in them. One young woman remembered: ''I knew very young how my parents were. To me it was just obvious -- like, this is how mom is, this is how dad is. This is how you learn to deal with them. . . We lived with my mom, and we stayed with my dad the whole month of July. So you actually had a substantial amount of time to live with that person and understand their personality. What makes them tick, what makes them laugh, what makes them angry. You think all the time."

Many grown children of divorce told us they rose to the challenge by becoming a different person with each of their parents.

In divorced families, they told us, secrets are epidemic. The grown children of divorce are twice as likely to agree that their parents asked them to keep important secrets, but many more of them said they felt the need to keep secrets even when their parents did not ask them to. Their parents seemed enormously vulnerable after divorce, and the children quickly learned that sensitive information, perhaps about their other parent's new love interest or finances, could spark anger or hurt. They soon learned to keep much of what happened in each world to themselves. When they grow up, there are large parts of each of their lives that the other parent knows virtually nothing about.

The grown children of divorce also report that the job of traveling between two worlds, struggling alone to make sense of them, is a lonely one. They are three times more likely to agree, ''I was alone a lot as a child," and seven times more likely to strongly agree with that sentiment. Over and over, their stories made it clear that being the only link between your parents' two worlds is a lonely place for a child to be. When parents are married, the whole family gets together because, well, that's what families do. When parents are divorced, they get together only because of the child. That's a big burden for the child on the soccer field or school stage to carry.

Some marriages are brutal, and divorce is a vital safety valve. But two-thirds of divorces today end low-conflict marriages. Most marriages end not because the parents are at each other's throats but for other, less urgent reasons. Too many parents are led astray by the ''good" divorce idea and think that, if only they divorce the right way, they can end their good enough marriage and their child will be unscarred. But this study found, quite the contrary, that in many ways children of ''good" divorces fare worse than children of unhappy marriages -- so long as those marriages are low-conflict -- and they fare far worse than children of happy marriages.

Today, one-quarter of young adults are from divorced families. Their message to our society is clear: Divorce is sometimes necessary, but for children there is no such thing as a ''good" divorce.

Elizabeth Marquardt, an affiliate scholar at the Institute for American Values, is author of the just-published ''Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce."

Learn about:

Divorce – Custody – Property – Alimony – Child Support - Misc

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 19:16:01 GMT

Parents experiencing conflict in divorce need support and resouces in order to provide a stable foundation for their children. Through a simple telephone call, parents are offered an intimate yet anonymous venue to obtain support, information and help.

ALTAMONTE SPRINGS, FL, (PRWEB) November 23, 2005 -- People experiencing High Conflict in their divorce encounter some degree of parental programming or alienation about 80% of the time. Some cases reported that as many as 20% of separated parents engage in alienating behavior at least once a day. In addition, studies state that visitation blocking is practiced by as many as 40% of the residential parents. Research also reveals families in transition need a venue in which they are able to share their situations, listen to the circumstances others are experiencing and gain some new insights that will be helpful. People experiencing divorce are looking for a forum that provides both intimacy and anonymity; that is, a place where they can be honest and free to express themselves and at the same time feel protected and safe.

Drs. Evans and Bone are providing an Educational Forum via a TELECONFERENCE call under their guidance. During this pilot program, no fee will be charged. It is important for participants to understand, however, that the Educational Forum is NOT counseling, therapy, legal advice or any other type of mental health or legal service. It is simply a means for participants to talk about their situation and listen as others describe theirs. Drs. Bone and Evans will moderate the discussions keeping it positive and productive. The facilitators ask that no names be given and that the participants NOT provide information within hearing range of their children.

The teleconference will be one hour in length and will be held on December 8, 2005, at 6:00 PM Eastern Time. There is NO cost at this time, other than the cost of a telephone call (long distance or local), for the teleconference as a part of the pilot program. Following registration, participants will be sent a survey inquiring about their experience with this teleconference.

Anyone interested in reserving a spot, please call Paula at (407) 443-5627, Monday – Friday between 9:30 a.m. and 5:00 p.m., Eastern Time.

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 18:45:33 GMT

You Can’t Divorce Tuition Bills

When colleges first started developing systems for allocating financial aid dollars, an unchallenged assumption was that Mom and Dad were a single economic unit. That assumption can no longer be made, and colleges have struggled to find a way to deal with many scenarios of family life today — the parents who aren’t just divorced but aren’t speaking, the prenup that covered college expenses, the millionaire step-parent.

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 18:42:21 GMT

Divorce taking deadly toll on senior men

Divorce in middle-age cuts a decade off a man's life, according to Shukan Post (10/28), which adds that Japan is bracing itself for a wave of split marriages when baby boomers start retiring in a couple of years.

Japan's divorce rate peaked in 2002, when 289,838 couples untied the knot, and though the rate has declined marginally ever since, splitting up appears to have fatal consequences for the country's men.

Sun, 16 Oct 2005 21:41:46 GMT

Bridge banner proclaims: ‘Wendy, I want a divorce’

By Quad-City Times

LONDON — JBS wanted a divorce, and didn’t care who knew.

Drivers on southern England road last week saw a banner hung from a bridge that declared: “Wendy, I want a divorce. JBS.”

On Wednesday, a new banner appeared at the same place: “No way. You are the cheat! Wendy.”

Tsk tsk, said a marriage adviser.

“They must be very angry to do this in such a public way. It is certainly very immature and we would urge them to seek counseling,” said Christine Northam, a senior counselor for Relate, a marriage guidance service.

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 12:24:13 GMT

DIVORCE STUDY BREAKS NEW GROUND

If you've been in the marriage debate for 20 years, you seldom hear something really new.

But Elizabeth Marquardt (a former colleague of mine at the Institute for American Values) has just released a startlingly original study of children of divorce, "Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce" (Crown). Marquardt is a child of a good divorce herself, with parents who both continued to love, see and support her.

Marquardt has two insights: The first is that suffering matters. The divorce debate has been obsessed with social science pathologies -- if you get divorced, will your child be a high school dropout? A pregnant teen? Clinically depressed? And yes, the social science evidence shows that when parents don't stay married, children are at increased risk for these negative outcomes and a whole lot more. (My shop, the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, just released "Do Married Parents Reduce Crime?" a review of recent research linking family structure and delinquency.

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 12:31:22 GMT

Children illustrate stress of divorce
Caroline Overington, Social affairs writer
September 29, 2005

DIVORCING parents often are not aware their arguments and fights are affecting their children's development, according to new research.

When children are given an opportunity to tell their parents how they feel about the tension in their homes, either by drawing pictures or writing down their dreams, parents are often shocked.

"They also quickly stop fighting," says Bill Hewlett, a children's counsellor and policy manager at Relationships Australia.

At a Family Services Australia conference yesterday Mr Hewlett presented findings of a study on Child Inclusive Practice, a program that encourages children to express their feelings about divorce.