Absinthe
Living my life as an exclamation, not an explanation...
It should be noted by readers that Absinthe is not a lawyer,
and anything posted in this blog should not be used as a
substitute for professional advice from a lawyer
I had to deal with a number of attempts by groups of males at Fermilab to take credit for work that only I had done. Unfortunately, a number of these attempts were actually successful.
Please note in the following that I am not saying that every single male at Fermilab discriminates against women. It's just that enough of them do it, and they do so unfettered by the lab, that it can make for a miserable working environment if you are a woman there. Not all women have problems at Fermilab, but a not-insignificant fraction do.
Anyway:
When I first started working at Fermilab, my experiment was just starting up a data taking period that was to last for several years. This is a very, very big deal in particle physics, because the detectors are usually three-storey-high behemoths that are literally jam packed with electronics. Getting all the electronics of the detector working in harmony such that you can actually do real physics is a big effort in the first year that one of these large experiments runs.
Thus, during the first year, the physicists ensure that they can reconstruct well known particles as a sign that their detector is working. They refer to this as being able to reconstruct "physics objects". I won't define all the physics objects I'm about to mention, but examples are tracks, track vertices, calorimeter jets, and then (later) Kshort mesons and (even later) psi mesons. It was such an exciting and heady time as my experiment reconstructed its first tracks, vertices, and jets. Really, it truly was exciting to be part of that effort.
But then everything got stuck at actually being able to reconstruct a recognizable particle, such as a Kshort meson. Stuck for a long, long time.
I sat in many meetings where the person who had been designated as the person to reconstruct Kshorts would explain that he was still looking, but no luck yet. I had a lot of expertise by that point in the particular part of the detector that was being used to reconstruct this particle, and I had an inkling as to what the problem was. In all the meetings I would speak up and give my suggestions as to how to fix the problems the designated hitter was having.
But each time at the next meeting it was clear he had ignored my advice, and was still having no luck. The administration of the experiment was getting anxious...this was getting really embarassing because they had to show to the lab administration and the outside world that they had some friggin' clue as to what in the hell they were doing. The lab administration was getting impatient with them.
I finally did a back-of-the-envelope calculation, and figured out that the experiment should have seen a very significant number of the Kshort particles by that point. So, one morning I just decided to look for them myself. I hacked together some code, and pulled an all-nighter and lo and behold found clear evidence of the particle in question.
Everyone on the experiment was so happy! A very important milestone to the experiment had finally been reached! Finally some progress to be proud of!
But they didn't announce it to the outside world, which I found odd.
Instead, they sent the white male designated hitter (WMDH) to my desk, where he literally camped for about three weeks and I was asked to lead him by the hand and show him exactly how one goes about reconstructing a Kshort with a detector that is not working optimally.
Finally, at the end of those three weeks, the WMDH was able to reconstruct his own Kshorts.
And *then* the experiment announced to the outside world that they had reconstructed the first Kshorts, and publicly congratulated the WMDH as the person who had done it.
My name wasn't mentioned.
I complained to the administration of her experiment about it. I was told not to worry, people knew who really had done the work. Yeah. Sure.
But wait, there's more:
A couple of months later, the experiment was now stuck at finding another well known particle called psi mesons (which are rarer than Kshorts, but still pretty plentiful). Again, the WMDH was making the same original mistake in assuming that the detector would be working optimally, and thus all his algorithms were failing to find the particles.
Once again in meetings I would point this out over and over again. And once again I was ignored. What did she know anyway. Mouthy b*tch. Literally, by this time various males would make a show of rolling their eyes and smirking at each other whenever I would speak up in meetings on the subject. And I was not the only female on the experiment who was treated to this kind of crap during meetings. I recall once leaving a terrible two hour meeting where one of my female colleagues kept trying to make a valid and important point, but kept getting shouted down by a male in the room. When I recollected the incident to a male colleague, he said Yeah I know how to handle her too...I just ignore her until she shuts up. Uhhhh....yeah.
Anyway, once again the experiment administration was getting anxious...not being able to reach yet another milestone in a timely fashion was again getting really embarrassing to the experiment, and they were under a lot of pressure from the lab to figure out what the hell was going wrong.
Finally, once again, I did a back-of-the-envelope calculation, and saw that the experiment should have easily seen psi mesons by that point, even with their non-optimal detector. So, once again I quickly and neatly hacked together some analysis code, pulled an all nighter, and lo and behold there was clear evidence of psi mesons.
And once again the experiment was so happy! Their reputation was saved!
But, once again, the experiment didn't announce it to the outside world right away. Instead, once again, they sent the WMDH to camp at my desk to figure out how in the hell I was coming up with these successful particle search analyses at what seemed to be the drop of a hat (it was no secret, they could have figured it out themselves long before if they had just listened to her in the damn meetings instead of carrying on like the bunch of immature idiots they were by rolling their eyes at each other every time I dared to open my mouth).
At this point I was pretty pissed off with the whole situation, but I did in fact help the WMDH. Why? Because particle physics experiments are collaborations, and if you aren't willing to share your work you shouldn't be a member of a particle physics collaboration. Also, if I had refused to help the WMDH, it would have certainly been a blow to my career advancement prospects, because I would have been forever painted as a "non team player".
So, again the WMDH was finally able to reconstruct psi mesons on his own. The experiment finally announced this succes to the outside world, and once again the WMDH was publicly congratulated, and my name wasn't even mentioned.
I didn't even bother to complain the second time around. What would have been the point.
However, I did learn something from the two situations...a few years later when I discovered a brand new particle (a very big deal in particle physics), I immediately wrote a note to my experiment administration and not-so subtly hinted that if *anyone* was sent to my desk to figure out how I did it just to screw me out of her upcoming well-deserved glory, I would sue all of their sorry asses (well, not worded quite that way...I tried to be professional in my daily relationships with my colleagues). By this point I was getting a reputation for being "bitchy", "litigious", and "difficult to work with".
The scariest thing about this is that I know at least a few other women at the lab who have gone through similar experiences. In fact, being female and having your work stolen by the males seems to be awfully correlated with the males labelling you a b*tch. Most "b*tches" I know at the lab are the women who did good work who had to fend off the male vultures; if you are a woman at the lab and you insist on sticking up for your rights to your hard-earned intellectual property, be prepared to be labelled as "difficult to work with".
9:32:59 PM
I had a number of notable experiences at Fermilab where my intellectual property was blatantly stolen (or aggressive theft attempts were made but thwarted).
A very key career advancement perk for particle physicsts is conference presentations, which are only doled out by the experiment upper administration. I did a statistical study that showed that male postdocs on her experiment were allotted on average around three to four conference presentations per five year postdoc. How many conference presentations was I allotted during my entire 5 year postdoc, even though I discovered a particle for the experiment (a very big deal indeed)? Only one. Conference presentations on my particle discovery analysis were liberally doled out to the males, while excluding the female who had did the work.
Actually, the experiment had at one point allotted me a second presentation (based on the particle discovery in fact), but took it away at the last minute and gave it to a male (I had even booked her trip). I complained to the upper admin of my experiment that:
a) taking away an already-allotted conference presentation was unheard of, b) I had way less than the average number of conference presentations allotted to me than the average postdoc, and c) the presentation was on the particle discovery analysis I had done singlehandedly for chrissake
In response, I was told by the upper admin of my experiment too bad, so sad...maybe we'll give you another one next year. Then they allotted my presentation to a tenured male faculty member. Oh yeah, and they never allotted another one to me during following year, as they had promised...quel surpris.
I was not the only female kept in the no-conference-presentation-for-you club. Junior females at the lab are allotted fewer conference presentations than their male peers. Further up the career ladder, senior women are either conference presentation "haves" or "have-nots", while their male peers get more or less the same number each (there are complicated statistics-ese terms I can use to describe this, but I won't bore you with that).
And don't get me started on the plight of junior non-whites based at the lab (male or female)...they are the worst off of all. To the point that it is appalling how they are screwed out of career advancement perks like conference presentations.
9:27:49 PM
After finishing her PhD, Absinthe decided that she wanted to be a research physicist. To do that, she needed to get a job as a postdoc. But by then Absinthe was acutely aware of how physics viewed women with children. So Absinthe hid that information in her job interviews. In the job she ultimately got, she didn't tell her supervisor she had a child until about a month into the job.
Absinthe worked for a few years at her job and was good at it. She was churning out publications, mentoring graduate students, giving invited seminars all over North America (very rare for a postdoc), and working on analyses left and right. But then all hell broke loose when she decided to have a second child.
She had to endure all kinds of comments from her co-workers at the national lab where she did her research. Things like "you're pregnant AGAIN?" (as if Absinthe were some kind of hyper-fertile rabbit, and even though they didn't know Absinthe the first time she was pregnant SIX YEARS before), and (while staring at her bulging tummy) "I see you've decided to produce something other than physics".
Many, many other things happened that unfortunately cannot be discussed here. To make a long story short, Absinthe decided to sue her postdoctoral employer.
But, even with the lawsuit, Absinthe still kept struggling to continue in her career. Perhaps this was foolish...in hindsight Absinthe wishes she had walked away from the whole mess a year earlier than she did, because that last year in the field was sheer and utter hell. But, at the time Absinthe had some small hopes for a future careeer because she had, after all, discovered a particle *after* her baby was born. If Absinthe were male, that alone would have been enough to probably ensure her a plum faculty job at a plum university. But Absinthe is not male, and she found that she could not even get shortlisted for even one of the many faculty jobs she applied for after that. Even BackWoodsU was not interested in a potential "litigation risk" like Absinthe.
A couple of friends who meant well suggested to Absinthe that she just hang around the laboratory and work for free for a year or two, because someone would surely be willing to eventually give Absinthe some kind of job (although certainly not a faculty job). Absinthe chose not to do this, and instead left the field rather than work for free. Absinthe, if nothing else, has at least some self respect left.
8:59:26 PM
Way back when Absinthe was a doctoral student, she chose to have her first child...she did not know at the time that women who had babies at the graduate degree level in her field of physics were pretty much unheard of to advance any further in the field.
The senior physicist in Absinthe's research group at her university cut her graduate stipend immediately after she had her child. Absinthe's supervisor, an untenured professor, was powerless to do anything about it. The senior professor also told Absinthe after the birth that he felt it would be best that she left physics "because of [her] poor academic performance" (Absinthe had straight A's, and a couple of publications to her name by that point, which was almost two more publications than her male student peers were averaging that early in their career).
Anyway, Absinthe, fool for punishment that she was, was determined to get her PhD, so for the last three years of her PhD she worked side jobs to make enough money to put her child in daycare such that she could then have time to do her research. Meanwhile, all of Absinthe's male counterparts were getting their graduate stipends (which provided a liveable wage), and had nothing to worry about besides getting their degree.
Does this story have a happy ending? Well, sort of...Absinthe ultimately graduated at the top of the class of the faculty of science, and won the university senate medal for "outstanding research at the doctoral level".
Take note that Absinthe did not sue her doctoral university. Absinthe's doctoral advisor told her he was sorry about the stipend cut mess, and that she would have his future recommendation for jobs whenever she needed it. And he has always been true to his word. He was a great mentor, and he nurtured a love of statistics and physics in Absinthe that served her well later in her career. The reason I mention this here is because this is an example of weighing the pros and cons of suing. Just because your university has done you grievous wrong doesn't necessarily mean that suing is your best option. If Absinthe had sued her doctoral university, she never would have made it to the post-doctoral level. Absinthe knew that with the good recommendation of her doctoral advisor, she would have no trouble getting a job (as long as she hid the fact that she had a child). So, she sucked it up, and carried on.
8:56:55 PM
Near and dear to Absinthe's heart is the topic of parental and/or family status discrimination, particularly as it applies to women in academia.
Title IX specifically makes it illegal for universities that receive federal funding to discriminate on the basis of parental status. The law protects not only those who study at such universities, but those who are employed by them as well. Title IX is the only federal law that specifically forbids parental status discrimination.
Title VII also forbids parental status discrimination, but only when it is linked with gender. Thus, a parental status discrimination claim under Title VII is called a "gender plus facially neutral characteristic" or "gender plus" claim. As mentioned a couple of posts ago, a facially neutral characteristic is one that people wouldn't readily guess just by looking at you (ie; that you are married and/or have children, for instance). Because Title VII ties such claims to gender discrimination claims, it means that under Title VII it is perfectly legal for an employer to fire people just because they are married, or have kids...as long as they do it equally to both the males and females.
Case law for parental discrimination claims is pretty spotty compared to the extensive breadth and depth seen in case law for other kinds of discrimination. That is because it is only recently that various women have started speaking up about the fact that they realize they are being discriminated against at work not just because of their gender, but because they are mothers (Absinthe should note here she hasn't seen a single parental status discrimination lawsuit yet brought by a male).
In particle physics, and in other areas of academia, mother-discrimination is absolutely rampant. Here is an interesting article about Professor Laurie Freeman, an academic female, who experienced blatant parental status discrimination. I encourage you to take the time to drop her a line (lfreeman@polsci.ucsb.edu) and thank her for being brave enough to fight her lawsuit...groundbreaking lawsuits like hers are the ones that set the stage for positive change for all other women in academia.
And here are a list of resources to help you learn more about the scope of the problem, and what recourses you have available if you are in a parental-status discriminatory situation:
Do Babies Matter? is a report that discusses the effect on future academic career success of having children within 5 years post-phd (summary: for men, it appears to be a good thing, for women, a bad thing).
The Program on Gender, Work and Family at the American University Washington College of Law produced a report in 2002 on The New Glass Ceiling. It provides an excellent overview of the workplace barriers experienced by working mothers, along with a review of current case law in the field.
The Legal Advocacy Fund of the American Association of University Women maintains a web site that contains a lot of information about what to do if you feel you have been discriminated against. They also provide monetary support for discrimination lawsuits that are likely to have a significant impact on academia, and the web site gives descriptions of all the cases they have supported.
The Program for Work Life Law at the UCHastings College of Law provides a number of links and resources, along with links to a network of attorneys experienced in parental-status employment discrimination law.
Workplace Fairness, a non-profit organization, provides links and resources pertaining to parental-status discrimination. People working in an academic environment should note however that the web site does not talk about Title IX, the federal anti-discrimination law that protects people attending or employed by any federally funded educational or research institute.
